on sartreās look:
You are never far from my thoughts, you know. Does that knowledge weigh on you like the sky does on Atlasās shoulders, beautiful and vast and lovely even as it overwhelms you? That is how it is for me, knowing I exist not just as myself but as a million shattered mirror shards, each belonging to one person. They look at it, thinking they know me, but I will just reflect what they want to see. How do you see me? I hope your shard is the biggest. But be careful. I donāt want you to cut yourself. It hurts, you know. I wish you could see all of me, but I seem to have lost my glue and even then I donāt know how to turn a mirror into a self-portrait.
Still, I wonder what shape and color thoughts of me take. Do you paint me grey or vibrant, am I soft or sharp, and⦠and do you like what you see (perceive)? You must, for you kissed me and trailed your fingertips along my jawline, looking at me like I held the world in my hands, and not on my shoulders. I would know the meaning of that gaze, for that is how I look at you too, starry-eyed, promised, not caring if it might be naive.
I have memorized the curves of your lips, the ridges of your teeth, the way you sigh when I twirl your hair around my finger. You have a freckle on your left eyelid and your legs are too long for your body, kind of like a yearling colt. I have memorized the quirk of your smile and the stark blue of your eyes and the roll of your laugh when someone tells a joke. You are odd in your own ways but somehow you manage to charm- you charmed me, after all. I have memorized the stories which flow from your tongue and the information which swirls in your head and the way you weave words together into sentences. You have a deep perspicacity if you choose to, always pondering but never dwelling.
This is how I see you. But is it real? Or is it what I want to see? But maybe more importantly, does it really matter in the end, when we become replicas of ourselves to each new person we meet, when we are constantly growing and changing, when we are dissolving in chrysalises hoping to fly someday? No, it cannot. It must not. I have found you, for now this is enough. You are never far from my thoughts, you know.















