𝑹𝑰𝑪𝑲 𝑭𝑳𝑨𝑮 and reflects his deepest thoughts and emotions. This blog also provides an insight into special moments and events that accompanied and changed his life.

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┇𝐁𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐉𝐎𝐘 ┇𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐊𝐈𝐂𝐊

┇ 𝐔𝐍𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄

┇𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ┇𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋

┇ 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑

┇𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄 ┇ 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄

┇𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑

┇𝐃𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐓𝐀𝐏 ┇ 𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐆𝐀𝐌𝐄

┇𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐀𝐂𝐘

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….Hey Jacky, hey Reece, today you turned one year old.

I honestly don’t know how that happened. It’s only been twelve months, yet somehow it feels as though my entire life has been rearranged within this single year. In my job, I’ve learned how to read maps, write operational plans, and prepare for just about every situation imaginable. But nothing could have prepared me for the two of you. Not for the sleepless nights, not for the wonderful chaos you bring into every room with remarkable consistency, and certainly not for the realization that two little boys can completely change a man. You are like two different sides of the same story. Sometimes I honestly believe you communicate without saying a single word. One glance is all it takes, and suddenly you’re both off together, as if you’ve already decided what adventure comes next. I watch you and often wonder which one of you is the mastermind. Most of the time, I come to the conclusion that you simply take turns.

You have enough energy to fill entire houses. There are days when I come home after a long shift convinced I’ve already experienced everything a person could possibly experience in one day. Then I open the front door and find the two of you getting into some kind of mischief that probably only twins could dream up. Every single time, I end up laughing — even though I’d promised myself I was going to be the strict one. You have this extraordinary gift of turning even the most serious mood into joy within seconds, simply by looking at me as though the world is the most beautiful place imaginable. But what impresses me most is something entirely different. Beneath all that wild energy is a kindness that leaves me speechless time and time again. You’re still so little, and yet you already seem to know when someone needs comfort. I’ve seen one of you immediately look for the other after he fell over. I’ve watched you cuddle up to your sisters or reach for your mum with your tiny hands, as though you instinctively understood that love can heal more than words ever could. That’s what makes me so incredibly proud of you. Not because you’re loud or fearless. Not because one day you’ll grow up to be strong men. But because I can already see that compassion lives inside you. The world needs strong people, but more than anything, it needs people who use their strength to lift others up. I hope with all my heart that you never lose that part of yourselves.

@xcrimescenedonotcrossx

This year, you’ve made your mum laugh more times than I could ever count. You’ve helped your sisters become the amazing big sisters I could only have wished for. And you’ve changed me, too. I’ve become more patient than I ever believed I could be. I now look forward to moments that, in another life, I probably would have overlooked—a family breakfast, tiny footsteps across the living room, or two messy little faces covered in food. Today, those moments mean more to me than any award I’ve ever received. Whenever I look at you, I’m reminded of how quickly time slips away. Just a year ago, you were barely longer than my forearm. Today, you crawl through the house with such determination, as though you already know exactly where your journey will take you. And I know that one day, that journey will lead you far from home. You’ll make your own decisions. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll get back up. And you’ll find your own place in this world. That doesn’t scare me. The only thing I hope is that you never forget where your roots are. Your mum and I won’t be able to remove every obstacle from your path. That wouldn’t be possible, and it wouldn’t be right. But you’ll never have to take a single step alone. No matter how old you are or where life leads you, you’ll always have a place to come home to. A place where you’ll be loved unconditionally and where the door will always be open. I hope that one day you’ll remember how often we laughed together, how many afternoons we spent outside, and how many times your mum and I simply looked at you because we couldn’t believe how much happiness two little boys could bring into one life.

.…There are moments in life that make time stand still, and this is one of them.

When I look at this photograph, I don’t just see the woman I married. I see every road that led us here, every impossible decision, every scar we carry, every battle we somehow survived together. And standing beside you now, with my hand resting on the little life we created together, I realize that nothing I have ever accomplished will compare to this. Watching you become a mother again has changed me in ways I never thought possible. I see the quiet strength behind your smile, the tenderness with which you already protect our daughter before you’ve even held her in your arms, and I find myself falling in love with you all over again. You carry so much with such grace that I sometimes forget how exhausting this journey must be for you, yet you never stop giving our family every piece of your heart. I have always been proud of you, Kate, but seeing you bring another chapter of our family into this world fills me with a kind of admiration that words can barely reach.

And then there is you, little Ileana. I haven’t seen your eyes yet, I don’t know what your laugh will sound like or whether you’ll inherit your mother’s stubbornness or my inability to sit still for more than five minutes, but somehow I already know you. Every time I place my hand where you’re growing, every little movement reminds me that you are already changing our lives long before you’ve taken your first breath. It’s an overwhelming feeling to know that somewhere beneath my hand is a tiny heartbeat that belongs to our daughter. Sometimes I catch myself imagining the first time you’ll wrap your fingers around mine, the first time you’ll smile at your mom, the first time your older siblings fight over who gets to hold you. Those thoughts make me impatient and terrified at the exact same time.

If I’m honest, I’m nervous. More nervous than I ever was before any mission, any deployment or any battle. None of those things ever frightened me the way becoming responsible for another little girl does. Because I already know that the day you arrive, a part of my heart will begin walking around outside my body. And I also know that I would spend the rest of my life making sure you grow up knowing exactly how deeply you were loved before you were ever born.

….Everything comes to you at the right time.

I’ve started this text at least ten times by now, and deleted it every single time. Not because I can’t think of anything to say, but because I don’t know how to describe something that is bigger than words.

Since our wedding, I keep going over the same moments in my mind. It usually happens when the house has gone quiet and the children are asleep, or when I’m sitting somewhere and nothing demands my attention for a moment. That’s when I think back to those final days before the wedding — and to how much was actually going on inside both of us, even though we didn’t say it all out loud. I remember the beach so clearly, and that damn archway that nearly drove the two of you crazy. You, especially. Anyone else probably would have just seen a few flowers and a piece of wood being buffeted by the wind. I saw something completely different. I saw how much love you had poured into that day. How important every single detail was to you. How hard you tried to hold everything together, even though a storm was already raging inside you, a storm far greater than the one out over the sea.

Back then, you thought you were crying because of the hormones. Maybe that was even partly true. But I think the real reason was something else. I think you were slowly realizing what that day truly meant. That it wasn’t just a wedding. It was the end of a long journey and, at the same time, the beginning of a new chapter in life. It was the decision to place complete trust in another person and to choose love, despite all the risks. And that is exactly why I looked at you back then and fell in love with you just a little bit more. Because behind all your strength, behind your sarcasm, behind the woman who always tries to shoulder everything on her own, I saw the woman who was simply afraid to be happy. Perhaps because happiness is always something precious. Perhaps because people like us have learned that you can lose everything. Perhaps because you knew how much that day meant to me.

On the morning of our wedding, I stood by the window with Steve and Bruce, trying to act as if I were completely relaxed. Steve was teasing me, the way he always does. Bruce was trying to offer some words of wisdom. And I barely registered either of them. Because in truth, I was just waiting for the time to pass. I was waiting to see you. When the doors opened later and you appeared, I actually forgot to breathe for a moment. I know that sounds like something out of a bad romance movie, but that’s exactly how it felt. Suddenly, everything went quiet. The guests and the music faded away. And even the ocean seemed to grow quieter. There was only you. And Kate… you were beautiful. Why? Because in that moment, I could see everything you are to me. The woman who comforts our children at night and cares for everyone she loves. The woman who is stronger than she realizes — who stole my heart a long time ago and still hasn't given it back. When you started speaking and read your vows, I realized something — something I’d likely known for a long time but never truly understood. You didn’t just give me your love; you gave me your trust. And I don’t think you’ll ever fully grasp how much that means to me. Because I know your history, your fears, your walls, and the parts of you that no one else is allowed to see. Yet, you chose to let me in. There is no greater gift.

Something has changed since our wedding. Not my love for you — that was already there. What has changed is the feeling. I used to drive home because that’s where the people I love were. Now, I drive home knowing my wife is waiting for me there. And every time I think of that word, I smile — *my wife*. Not because it implies possession, but because it signifies belonging and the choice we made for each other. The fact that, in front of everyone we love, we declared: No matter what comes, we will walk this path together. And I think the most beautiful part is that I’m no longer afraid of the future. Of course, hard times will come; we’ll argue and make mistakes. But when I think about the future, I no longer see all the things that could go wrong — I see you. When I look back on my life, there are many things I’m proud of, but none of them compare to what we’ve built together.

….Because at the end of my life, it won’t matter what missions I led or what awards I received. Even my rank is irrelevant; all that will matter is that I loved you. And that I had the unimaginable good fortune of being loved in return. @xcrimescenedonotcrossx

….Your eyes and the way you smile.

Do you know what has really hit me again over the last few days? You never left me behind. The energy you put into loving me has never faded. Do you know how unfamiliar that is to me? Whenever I love, I do it with all my heart, and every single time, I never received back what I gave. But you’re different. You’re so full of warmth that I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve you. I think I’m the proudest man on this planet because I can say that I have a woman who invests 1000% into us and never leaves me behind. I always thought that one day I would get over you after we had that time apart. But honestly? I never did. I never experienced again what you were able to give me throughout all those years. And being able to feel it once more now — this time even more intensely — is better than any jackpot in the world.

In just a few days, those 1000% will probably become a million, and that thought alone makes me melt. The thought of you becoming my wife on Saturday still makes my knees weak. Seeing our children carry your last name, becoming your Mr. Beckett — it makes me feel like I’m floating. Kate, you are and always will be the woman who enriches my life in ways I never would have dared to explore. The fact that I’m sitting here again, writing these words to you, shows just how positively you influence me. I’ve never been a master of emotional love letters, but you and your love keep inspiring me to put my feelings into words — just so you can understand how much you truly mean to me. I’d love to let these lines go on forever, but that would mean revealing everything I’ve already written into my wedding vows. And by the way, I’m going to make you cry.

….To keep it short: Thank you, Kate. Thank you for making me feel every single day what a relationship should be like — mutual.

….What‘s your favourite place?

I used to think places mattered. The truth is, they don’t — Not anymore. Because I don’t have a favourite place. I have favourite people. And wherever they are, that’s where I belong.

To my family — I’ve stood in places most people will never see. Mountains, deserts, war zones, cities on the other side of the world. I’ve watched sunsets over oceans and sunrises from helicopters thousands of feet above the ground. And yet none of those places ever stayed with me. You did. Home was never a house, never a city, never a country. It's a feeling.

It's Kate laughing at one of my terrible jokes while pretending she didn't find it funny. It's Dawn rolling her eyes at both of us because we're acting like children. It's Lily, Jack, and Reece filling a room with so much noise that silence suddenly feels wrong. It's our little girl kicking from inside her mother's belly as if she's already trying to join the conversation. It’s family movie nights. Messy breakfasts. Arguments that somehow end in laughter. It’s the sound of everyone being home.

That’s my favorite place — All of you.

Because I’ve learned something over the years: Home isn’t where you are. Home is who you can’t imagine living without. And every single one of you became my home a long time ago. So if anyone ever asks me where my favorite place is, my answer will always be the same:

…I don’t think there will ever be a moment in my life more terrifying and beautiful than asking you to marry me.

Terrifying because loving you means I suddenly have everything to lose. Beautiful because loving you is still the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. When I stood with you on that mountain overlooking the lake, with the wind moving through your hair and the sunset painting gold across your skin, I remember thinking one thing over and over again:

How the hell did I get this lucky?

You looked at me like I was home and something safe. And Kate nobody has ever looked at me that way before. I’ve spent most of my life surviving, fighting, running toward danger because it was easier than standing still long enough to feel anything real. Then you happened. And somehow this terrifying, stubborn, brilliant woman crashed into my life and turned every part of me upside down. You challenge me more than anyone ever has. You infuriate me. You scare me. You love me harder than I thought a human being could love another person. And somewhere between all our fights, all the chaos, all the nights spent holding each other together after life tried to tear us apart, you became the center of my world.

…Madeira changed something in me.

Not because it was beautiful — although damn, it was. Not because of the ocean or the mountains or those quiet mornings with you wrapped around me while the sun rose over the water. It changed me because for the first time in a very long time, I stopped thinking about survival. I started thinking about forever. Forever with you. I think about growing old beside you. About gray hair and wrinkles and you still pretending you’re always right. About our children making fun of us while you continue terrorizing me over walks for the next forty years. About slow mornings in kitchens that smell like coffee. About your hand still reaching for mine instinctively when we fall asleep. About every version of us that still hasn’t happened yet. And maybe that sounds insane considering the lives we’ve lived. Maybe people like us aren’t supposed to believe in peace this much. But then you look at me the way you do and suddenly I believe in everything.

You once told me that I stayed. The truth is, Kate, there was never anywhere else I wanted to be. Even when we were broken. Even when we hurt each other. Even when we lost our way. It was always you. I think part of me loved you long before I even understood what love really was. You see through every wall I have ever built. Every mask. Every lie I tell myself when I think I have to carry everything alone. And somehow — instead of running, you hold me tighter. Do you know what I realized while watching you here these past days? You are never more beautiful than when you forget to protect yourself. When you laugh without restraint. When you melt into my arms because you’re too tired to pretend you’re okay. When you let me take care of you. When you look at our daughter like she already hung the moon in the sky. I saw you terrified in that hospital bed. I saw you trying to blame yourself for everything. And all I could think was how desperately I needed both of you to stay. That moment broke something open inside me. Because I understood with terrifying clarity that if I ever lost you, there would not be a version of me left afterward that I would recognize.

You are stitched into every part of my life now. And our little girl — f*ck, Kate. Watching your hand rest on your stomach while the ocean moved behind you felt like watching my entire future breathe in front of me. I already know she’s going to have your fire, your stubbornness, your enormous heart. And selfishly? I hope she looks at me the way you do sometimes. Like I’m worth loving even at my worst. I know we’re not perfect. Hell, sometimes we’re a complete disaster. You hide things when you’re scared. I get angry too fast. We both try to carry pain alone until it nearly destroys us. But somehow we still keep finding our way back to each other. Every single time. That has to mean something bigger than luck. I don’t need perfection with you. I don’t need easy. I don’t even need peace all the time.

I just need you. Your voice in the morning, your sarcasm, your warmth in bed. The way you say my name when you’re emotional. The way you still look at me like I’m the man you chose. Because Kate… I choose you too. For every lifetime I get.

So yes, I will marry you. I will love you through every version of yourself. The fearless detective. The exhausted mother. The woman who terrifies grown men with one look. The soft-hearted girl who still misses her mother. The fiancée who clings to me in the middle of the night because she thinks I’m asleep and won’t notice. I notice everything. And I love all of it. Thank you for saying yes on that mountain. Thank you for trusting me with your heart. Thank you for making me believe I deserve a future this beautiful. You once called yourself my Gremlin. But sweetheart — you are also the best thing that has ever happened to me.

…ALWAYS @xcrimescenedonotcrossx

…Today marks three years. Three years of "us."

And when I try to put it all into words, I realize that even the longest sentences aren't enough to describe what I feel for you. I still remember the beginning so clearly. That cautious getting-to-know-you phase, that feeling of each other's tentative steps — and at the same time, that feeling that there was something there, something bigger than the two of us. Something unstoppable. And that's exactly how it's developed: step by step, day by day, we've grown. Not just as a couple, but as a team. As a family. Three years full of highs and lows. And yes, there have been both. Moments when everything was easy, when we simply laughed as if there were nothing else in the world. But also days when it was difficult. Days that challenged us. Yet it was precisely these lows that showed us what we truly are: unshakable. We never drifted apart — we've only grown closer.

When I look at you, I don't just see the woman I love. I see the mother of our four children, who holds everything together every day with so much strength, patience, and love. I see the woman who, as a captain in the homicide division, makes decisions that demand courage. And at the same time, I see the one who understands me like no other person. And then there are the two of us — partners in crime, in the truest sense of the word. You on your side, me on mine. You bring justice to the world, I defend it. Two lives that seem so different, yet intertwine perfectly. We both fight — just in different ways. But in the end, we always come back to each other. Home. Our home… it's more than just the properties we've built. It's the rooms full of life, full of voices, full of chaos and love. It's our dogs who greet us every day as if we were the most important people in the world. It's that feeling of "arriving," no matter how hard the day has been.

…And right in the middle of it all: you.

You are my anchor and my greatest motivation. You are the one who understands me even when I don't say a word. The one who catches me when I fall. The one who makes me laugh when I've forgotten how. I don't just love what we have. I love who we are. This deep trust, this natural connection between us. This knowledge that no matter what happens – we'll get through it. Together. Three years have passed. And yet it feels like we've only just begun. At the same time, I can't imagine a life where you haven't always been a part of it. Kate, you are my home. Not the houses, not the places – you. And if I wish for anything for the coming years, it's only this: that we continue exactly like this. Honestly. Strongly. Connected. And always side by side.

…I love you - @xcrimescenedonotcrossx

More than words could ever describe,

It's been quite a while since I last posted… the last few weeks have been very intense for me and marked by disappointments. I don't want to go into detail, because this isn't the kind of post I want to write about. I don't need a big stage to deal with that. I've always been able to handle that privately. I spent the last few days in a special place. A place that has always brought me a certain peace and relaxation.

The Hamptons are a place where I can let go. Recharge my batteries, which I've been lacking lately. I learned a lot about myself and found my way back to myself. My isolation and lack of interest in everything are buried. It feels good to get back on my feet and find my way back to my old self. Now there's only one battle left that I'm going to take on, and I'm prepared for it and making very good progress so far. 2026 will be my year, and the Hamptons my place of origin. Of hope and self-discovery. I'll enjoy a few more days before the harsh realities of everyday life begin again and the next deployments test my mental strength.

…the first time I met you, I had no damn idea I‘d love you this much.

And that's exactly how it was. I really had no idea how much I would love and appreciate you. Nor did I have any idea where we would be a year later. That's right, one year later we are no longer you and me, but us. And it was by far the most intense and beautiful year I have ever had. I couldn't have imagined a better companion than you. You are not only the most beautiful, but also the most intelligent and smartest woman who has ever appeared in my life. I have never felt such intense love. Your love is one of a kind. And baby, you have no idea how deep my feelings for you are. I don't even have an exact idea how you did it all. I could feel the feeling of being wooed before you, but you took that feeling to a new level. I feel like you are planting me, renewed day by day, in a soft bed of unconditional love and watering me with it every day. It's crazy what one person can do to you. I always thought happiness was an invention of the media to encourage us to buy more and feel good, but with you by my side, the word happiness has been redefined.

I think the word was taken to the next level when you took on the role of mother to Dawn, which you do very lovingly. I always thought that a woman who was perfect with a gun didn't look good with children, but you've changed my perspective. You give her so much acceptance and love, I couldn't have imagined a better mother for her. The same goes for Lily, of course. Do you know that my favorite thing about you is your sarcasm? The way you make fun of me? I don't think I've ever dealt with a funnier person than you. I have no idea how, but you manage to make me laugh within seconds. But it's not just the funny moments that I enjoy with you, but also the moments when we talk side by side about deep topics. Offering each other the opportunity to look into our souls and be there for each other. The many facets that our conversations take on. Sometimes I think I'm in a dream that I'm afraid to wake up from, because it could mean that none of this was reality.

Kate, I can't tell you often enough that I love you and will do everything I can to make sure we are forever us. Because only with you by my side am I complete. @xcrimescenedonotcrossx