#| endgame

….Hey Jacky, hey Reece, today you turned one year old.

I honestly don’t know how that happened. It’s only been twelve months, yet somehow it feels as though my entire life has been rearranged within this single year. In my job, I’ve learned how to read maps, write operational plans, and prepare for just about every situation imaginable. But nothing could have prepared me for the two of you. Not for the sleepless nights, not for the wonderful chaos you bring into every room with remarkable consistency, and certainly not for the realization that two little boys can completely change a man. You are like two different sides of the same story. Sometimes I honestly believe you communicate without saying a single word. One glance is all it takes, and suddenly you’re both off together, as if you’ve already decided what adventure comes next. I watch you and often wonder which one of you is the mastermind. Most of the time, I come to the conclusion that you simply take turns.

You have enough energy to fill entire houses. There are days when I come home after a long shift convinced I’ve already experienced everything a person could possibly experience in one day. Then I open the front door and find the two of you getting into some kind of mischief that probably only twins could dream up. Every single time, I end up laughing — even though I’d promised myself I was going to be the strict one. You have this extraordinary gift of turning even the most serious mood into joy within seconds, simply by looking at me as though the world is the most beautiful place imaginable. But what impresses me most is something entirely different. Beneath all that wild energy is a kindness that leaves me speechless time and time again. You’re still so little, and yet you already seem to know when someone needs comfort. I’ve seen one of you immediately look for the other after he fell over. I’ve watched you cuddle up to your sisters or reach for your mum with your tiny hands, as though you instinctively understood that love can heal more than words ever could. That’s what makes me so incredibly proud of you. Not because you’re loud or fearless. Not because one day you’ll grow up to be strong men. But because I can already see that compassion lives inside you. The world needs strong people, but more than anything, it needs people who use their strength to lift others up. I hope with all my heart that you never lose that part of yourselves.

@xcrimescenedonotcrossx

This year, you’ve made your mum laugh more times than I could ever count. You’ve helped your sisters become the amazing big sisters I could only have wished for. And you’ve changed me, too. I’ve become more patient than I ever believed I could be. I now look forward to moments that, in another life, I probably would have overlooked—a family breakfast, tiny footsteps across the living room, or two messy little faces covered in food. Today, those moments mean more to me than any award I’ve ever received. Whenever I look at you, I’m reminded of how quickly time slips away. Just a year ago, you were barely longer than my forearm. Today, you crawl through the house with such determination, as though you already know exactly where your journey will take you. And I know that one day, that journey will lead you far from home. You’ll make your own decisions. You’ll make mistakes. You’ll get back up. And you’ll find your own place in this world. That doesn’t scare me. The only thing I hope is that you never forget where your roots are. Your mum and I won’t be able to remove every obstacle from your path. That wouldn’t be possible, and it wouldn’t be right. But you’ll never have to take a single step alone. No matter how old you are or where life leads you, you’ll always have a place to come home to. A place where you’ll be loved unconditionally and where the door will always be open. I hope that one day you’ll remember how often we laughed together, how many afternoons we spent outside, and how many times your mum and I simply looked at you because we couldn’t believe how much happiness two little boys could bring into one life.

….What‘s your favourite place?

I used to think places mattered. The truth is, they don’t — Not anymore. Because I don’t have a favourite place. I have favourite people. And wherever they are, that’s where I belong.

To my family — I’ve stood in places most people will never see. Mountains, deserts, war zones, cities on the other side of the world. I’ve watched sunsets over oceans and sunrises from helicopters thousands of feet above the ground. And yet none of those places ever stayed with me. You did. Home was never a house, never a city, never a country. It's a feeling.

It's Kate laughing at one of my terrible jokes while pretending she didn't find it funny. It's Dawn rolling her eyes at both of us because we're acting like children. It's Lily, Jack, and Reece filling a room with so much noise that silence suddenly feels wrong. It's our little girl kicking from inside her mother's belly as if she's already trying to join the conversation. It’s family movie nights. Messy breakfasts. Arguments that somehow end in laughter. It’s the sound of everyone being home.

That’s my favorite place — All of you.

Because I’ve learned something over the years: Home isn’t where you are. Home is who you can’t imagine living without. And every single one of you became my home a long time ago. So if anyone ever asks me where my favorite place is, my answer will always be the same:

….Your eyes and the way you smile.

Do you know what has really hit me again over the last few days? You never left me behind. The energy you put into loving me has never faded. Do you know how unfamiliar that is to me? Whenever I love, I do it with all my heart, and every single time, I never received back what I gave. But you’re different. You’re so full of warmth that I often find myself wondering what I did to deserve you. I think I’m the proudest man on this planet because I can say that I have a woman who invests 1000% into us and never leaves me behind. I always thought that one day I would get over you after we had that time apart. But honestly? I never did. I never experienced again what you were able to give me throughout all those years. And being able to feel it once more now — this time even more intensely — is better than any jackpot in the world.

In just a few days, those 1000% will probably become a million, and that thought alone makes me melt. The thought of you becoming my wife on Saturday still makes my knees weak. Seeing our children carry your last name, becoming your Mr. Beckett — it makes me feel like I’m floating. Kate, you are and always will be the woman who enriches my life in ways I never would have dared to explore. The fact that I’m sitting here again, writing these words to you, shows just how positively you influence me. I’ve never been a master of emotional love letters, but you and your love keep inspiring me to put my feelings into words — just so you can understand how much you truly mean to me. I’d love to let these lines go on forever, but that would mean revealing everything I’ve already written into my wedding vows. And by the way, I’m going to make you cry.

….To keep it short: Thank you, Kate. Thank you for making me feel every single day what a relationship should be like — mutual.

.…There are moments in life that make time stand still, and this is one of them.

When I look at this photograph, I don’t just see the woman I married. I see every road that led us here, every impossible decision, every scar we carry, every battle we somehow survived together. And standing beside you now, with my hand resting on the little life we created together, I realize that nothing I have ever accomplished will compare to this. Watching you become a mother again has changed me in ways I never thought possible. I see the quiet strength behind your smile, the tenderness with which you already protect our daughter before you’ve even held her in your arms, and I find myself falling in love with you all over again. You carry so much with such grace that I sometimes forget how exhausting this journey must be for you, yet you never stop giving our family every piece of your heart. I have always been proud of you, Kate, but seeing you bring another chapter of our family into this world fills me with a kind of admiration that words can barely reach.

And then there is you, little Ileana. I haven’t seen your eyes yet, I don’t know what your laugh will sound like or whether you’ll inherit your mother’s stubbornness or my inability to sit still for more than five minutes, but somehow I already know you. Every time I place my hand where you’re growing, every little movement reminds me that you are already changing our lives long before you’ve taken your first breath. It’s an overwhelming feeling to know that somewhere beneath my hand is a tiny heartbeat that belongs to our daughter. Sometimes I catch myself imagining the first time you’ll wrap your fingers around mine, the first time you’ll smile at your mom, the first time your older siblings fight over who gets to hold you. Those thoughts make me impatient and terrified at the exact same time.

If I’m honest, I’m nervous. More nervous than I ever was before any mission, any deployment or any battle. None of those things ever frightened me the way becoming responsible for another little girl does. Because I already know that the day you arrive, a part of my heart will begin walking around outside my body. And I also know that I would spend the rest of my life making sure you grow up knowing exactly how deeply you were loved before you were ever born.