everything passes

there are places i wish i never went to and things i wish i never said and people, god, there are so many people i wish i never crossed paths with, so many people who still give me anxiety every time i hear their names because of what i went through with them, so many people who disregarded my feelings and pretended i didn’t exist, so many people who wouldn’t have flinched if i said i needed help and i wish you knew how much it makes me appreciate your kindness, those small gestures that lift my heart up just a little bit higher, the formal letters, “hey, how are you?“s, the times i felt like nobody cared and then, like clockwork, you were there to help me though. and i wish those people who are soft realized how powerful they are, how happy they can make people with just one gesture and how many months it took others to break my heart.

Feel it. The thing that you don’t want to feel. Feel it, and be free.

i don’t love you like that. your name was never meant to be thrown from atop the mountain. i love you in silence. i love you in-between days. your name nestled inside the hollow of my throat, like the patient song of a bluebird waiting for dawn to break.

she kissed me as if everything she’d ever been silent about finally found its way  to the surface. she kissed me,  and i drowned. what do you do with a love that deep? when the ocean loves you, what else can you do but feed her your bones?