WaitingOnDaydreams.

BRG: waitingondaydreams

And calm enough to fold a new one in its place

Dont let your depression make that choice for you.

You are the embodiment of my dreams. The invisible force that no one can see But everyone feels You are that feeling in the pit of my stomach when i'm too high for comfort And you are the tears streaking off my face as you dive into your concrete ocean You are the second I hit the pavement Peaceful You are the sails on my mast The wind pushing my empty ship across the waveless sea Flat, Calm, And still. The steel hull of my skin slicing through your water My rudder steers But your current keeps me straight Careful about the wakes I leave in my journey We make our own waves We don't need the waves from the movement of any other moons Because, darling, you are our moon And I am your sun Working overtime to keep you shining 24 hours a day Nuclear fusion compromising my core Colliding atoms at 2200KM a second Faster than the sensation you feel as my fingertips press into your skin As they do, i'm alive again. No matter where you are Or what you're doing, You cause the sun to shine BRG: waitingondaydreams

I'm not asking you to enjoy life I'm just asking for you to want to live New poem coming soon. I think. Maybe.

To Nicole, John, and Brad.  You’re weighing heavy on my mind tonight I often think about you How much better you are at handling life than I am All of my problems in life Have never amounted to a fraction of the things you deal with on a daily basis He was only 24 when he took himself from you Splintered memories stuck in the fingertips of your mind An everyday reminder the moment you see your sweet little boy in the morning Because Jesus Christ… does he look like Brad I don’t know how you do it I do not understand you Your strength confuses me Like a ship laid in lead yet still floating And I’m the scientist that hasn’t yet found out why We should travel back in time 2200 years and tell Archimedes your life story just as he’s stepping into his bathtub So when we come back to present day and look in the dictionary for the word buoyancy Your name would be in its place Because buoyancy is the ability to float or rise in a fluid And you embody the phrase “keeping your head above water” Because no matter how hard it is You stay afloat I know it’s hard Under so much pressure With so many bags full of the heaviest bricks thrown into your ship You stay strong You don’t let yourself sink You step out of the water And stand on your own two feet Sometimes unstable but Still standing You live your life the best that you can And I’m jealous Of the weight you can carry Because at a moment’s notice The wrong sized brick gets dropped into my life And the stress turns into my worst nightmare And it chases after me It never seems to run out of breath Like a horror movie I sprint away with all of my might And somehow he is going just as fast as me And he is walking I can’t imagine if he put actual effort into it and ran after me What would happen to me if his hands reached for my throat And found it Sometimes he is almost too much for me to live through He beats at me with his metal baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire He can break my ankles like the lead of a pencil Buckle my knees like I’m praying to God for a chance to finally meet him He can tear out my heart like it’s held in place by 1 ply tissue paper At a whim He can destroy me But he can’t seem to find you You outrun him You know all the best hiding places You have knees of steel Shoulders of stone And your heart is welded into your ribcage No amount of harassment and violence He brings upon you Had ever brought you to the place that I was in You make me feel small Insignificant I am weak While I was busy bathing myself in whiskey Brushing my teeth on the absolute wrong side of a commitment that I was never ready to give myself away to You were withstanding You are so strong Stronger than I think I ever could be You lift the entire gym And some days I can’t even find the parking lot But you’re always on my mind Through the tough times Through the good times But tonight You’re weighing heavier on my mind than normal Who am I kidding You’ve got my skull chained to the pillow I have to hook myself in any time I even want to think about sleeping at night Because knowing that you are okay Helps me know That we can make it That we are still alive That no matter how fast the water levels rise And gravity tries to pull us under We are still buoyant BRG: waitingondaydreams

I get nervous That the scars on my soul have manifested themselves into the extended corners of my mouth Showing through a smile bigger than I could ever muster to mean in truth

You are a long quiet nap In the shade on a beach You are a flower in a field of weeds And among all the millions of other plants You’re the only one worth admiring You are short sentences Arranged in long paragraphs You are the unknown promise of a new notebook With infinite possibilities You are the words “I love you” With the look to match You are infinitely more than I could ever begin to explain through poetry I guess the easiest way to say what I need to say You are one in 7.4 billion people in this world And you’re in first place So start believing it -WOD

Hello How are you? I hope you’re happy Happy with that scab That scab of a man that covers the wounds where you so easily ripped me out of your skin I hope he can drain every last bit of darkness I left in my wake And pull it out of you through the waves in your eyes I hope he brings you light So bright that it blinds you to all your insecurities Like you blinded me of mine I want him to be what I should have been I hope he makes you laugh Not like your cute giggle laugh that I love so much But full tilt belly laugh The kind of euphoric laugh So that when you’re done You’re embarrassed Because no one has ever heard you laugh quite like that before Like flushed cheeks from forced small talk on a perfect first date Or tripping over each others feet while learning the steps to your wedding dance I hope he gives you that kind of embarrassment The kind worth baring through The kind you’ll always remember Because those moments are more beautiful than anything you’ve ever witnessed I am sorry That I couldn’t make you laugh loud enough I hope you’re happy with these words Because the last ones that I thought were the last ones between us Apparently, weren’t the last ones Either you have some unfinished business with me to tend to Or you just like seeing me suffer And as of right now With the devastatingly hard time I’m having without you beside me You sure do seem to be awfully comfortable in your old skin I wish I still had mine to crawl back into But you see, as I shed skin and change bodies I don’t hang it all up in my closet to come back to later like you do I throw it in the fucking garbage disposal Trash compacting my feelings into blocks small enough To build ants skyscrapers So at least someone finds them useful Small enough To fill the cracks in the sidewalk of my past So I don’t ever have to watch my step again And I’ll go back to the drawing board Back to the construction site To rebuild some of the walls I tore down for you So I can make sure the next woman that I just happen stumble upon falling in love with Doesn’t ever do the same things to me that you do And I’m sorry That I told you I loved you It was unfair Because I knew you couldn’t say it back I hope he whispers you rainbows Rainbows so vibrant That you discover colors you never knew existed I want his everyday conversation to calm your nerves When he tells you you’re beautiful I want you to believe him I want his voice to serenade you to sleep like the strongest prescription sleep aid I want his nickname to be Ambien Like the second he texts you goodnight It puts you to sleep And I hope you sleep well I hope you sleep days Weeks Months on end Don’t worry about being awake for me I stay awake enough for the both of us Because although you can lay snug in your bed and sleep through this I haven’t slept in days I hope he cracks your smile Just enough to show what lies behind your lips Just enough that he knows that That smile Is what he should work for For the rest of his life That he should pride himself On counting how many times he’s seen your teeth Rather than counting the notches in your belt I hope he is good to you And if any one thing comes true out of this I hope he writes you poetry Poems exponentially better than the ones I so anxiously poured out of my soul for you I hope his poetry speaks to you in languages that he’s made up So you can put in time learning his spoken tongues Just so you can understand how the absolute exhausting dedication that comes with figuring out how to put into words exactly how he feels for you... feels. I hope he writes you poems that make me look like a dime-store poet I hope they make me feel like a cheap journal With frayed pages and words scribbled in terrible handwriting Ones that make me feel like I have no business ever writing another word on paper I hope his words are louder than thunder in your mind And softer than pillows stuffed with clouds under your head I hope they make you dance Like you’re California in desperate need of a good flood All I can say to him is Good luck I did my best to write her a ticket into heaven But by the time I showed up to the gates myself She already fell to Earth with a reckoning I say I hope all these things happen But we both know That what I hope for never comes true So I hope it works out for you I hope you find your happiness I hope he fills the void I dug into you Good fucking luck kid. You’re going to need it. -WOD

Through the years I’ve developed a dirty habit Of apologizing profusely for everything For things I never should have been sorry for In the first place Like Putting on shirts Too tight for my chest to expand They stretch and stretch until my body can no longer stretch itself And it rests My remedy is to keep changing shirts Until my pride has just enough elbow room To be comfortable sharing that same space with my rib cage And somewhere along the road Through this constant and never ending struggle to breathe I’d lost a few defining features of who I was I forgot some things In the pockets of my ragged old clothes And kept going Stitching on new scars And fading old ones Buying more and more clothes Going to more and more stores Just trying to find something to hide myself from the world Until you realize You are too busy finding something to wear To stop for a second Look at yourself See what’s become of you underneath Most forget to be okay with what it is they see I am who I am Regardless of what condition my soul Is perceived to be in Some look at me as a crumbling statue Including myself But those things falling away Are just pieces of me Broken away from the stone block That God gave me to shape myself out of That’s what we, as humans Confuse about sculpting a person People think That they can use their hammer and chisel To form what they want in others To mold their idea of what they think you should be When really The only tools who take anything away from you Are yours. The only one chipping away at you Is yourself. And In the exact same way we were created Little by little we chip away Until an outline of a human Stands before you Undefined And through life Heartache Love Death Struggle That shell becomes unique Unique to only you You know every nick and crack in that surface But you never take the time to truly love every imperfection It may have some flaws in its design But tattered skin And broken bones Should never be looked at as baggage Should never be looked down upon as something you’re ashamed of Never be ashamed of the pile of your former self on the ground You are not some broken person They are your battle scars Wounds from a war that will continue As long as there is a will in you To brush off your shoulders Pick up your tools Out of the pile of dust You’ve left of your past And march forward My war started in 1991 And I have finally began to find myself I’m a man Holding his heart in one hand And a pen in the other My heart was my first canvas My first notebook Waiting for me to engrave my beautiful life’s story Into its perfect surface But the more I wrote on it The worse off it looked to me The more space on my body I had to brand And the more I wrote about the things I didn’t want to remember I was leaving less space for me to write about Things I never got the chance to experience And more than anything I wanted to stop writing I thought I was alone in this But when I unbuttoned my blouse Showed myself to others Who were just as exposed I then realized We are all imperfect And at the same time We are all exactly how we should be What I’m trying to say is Be comfortable with who you are underneath your clothes Because You shouldn’t go through life looking for perfection in others If you can’t even find it in the mirror -WOD

I sleep on the right side And When I’m the only one sleeping in my bed I still Sleep on my side Subconsciously, It’s the only side I can sleep on The only way I can venture out of my territory Is if you’re on the other side To guide me across I just need someone to take my hand And bring me across the tracks I hope it’s you You’ve never slept in my bed Never been to my house You’ve never been inside my car You’ve never even stolen my fucking jacket And somehow I know that the left side of my bed Is the place that you should lay your head at night. Because I’m right there beside you I know that If you were sleeping beside me I would sleep just about as much as I do now. None. Because I can’t ever waste a moment with you asleep In fact I think it would be worse Because Living my daydreams Are much better than waiting for my dreams to come true -WOD

What the fuck is wrong with you I can’t even begin to understand What is going through your mind Why The most beautiful, intelligent, completely perfect woman I have ever been graced by the love of God to know Is lonely. She should be fucking sick of you For never leaving her alone Always being interested in everything she is For never keeping your hands off of her Your touch should NEVER leave her skin For telling her how beautiful she is every chance you get Till she tells you to stop And then telling her some more She should be fucking tired of getting everything she wanted in life Handed things she didn’t even know she wanted On a gold plated, diamond studded serving tray Forged from shooting stars Using the nuclear fusion that occurs at the core of the sun And never once Thanking you for it See There’s guys like you The lucky guy Taking his life for granted Taking his goddess with a grain of salt You should be on your fucking knees day and night Thanking the Lord above That this woman even looked in your general direction You should be cooking her breakfast in bed At any time of day Even when she’s not hungry Shit, I know I can’t cook But I’d burn every scrap of food in that house Every single time Trying to make her know that she is appreciated For even being alive You should be growing her roses In a garden she doesn’t even know about Picking them And telling her you bought them from Wal-Mart Because you can’t dare tell her That you love her so much That you’ll create life Out of the Earth, love, and attention And turn around And take those very same lives away Just to give her something pretty to look at. Because she gives you something infinitely more astounding to look at every single day. She doesn’t think much into the quality of the things you do She sticks true to the words of “It’s the thought that counts” She doesn’t care if the food is good She doesn’t care if the roses shrivel up But She does care about being loved And I can’t For the life of me Recall a moment in which I realized that That is too much to ask And then There’s guys like me I’m sitting out the dance on the wall Watching you destroy this beautiful thing you have And you couldn’t ever destroy it fast enough I’m just patiently waiting Waiting to show her what a real man is like Waiting to show her what she’s been missing her whole life You fell in love with her Once. And that was enough for you two to get married But I fall in love with her EVERY FUCKING DAY Over and over 7 days a week Even when we go days at a time without talking I still fall for her Because Even when I’m not on her mind She’s always on mine And I’m just Sitting here My heart breaking into pieces in her pockets Hoping that one day She can take her super glue love And put it back together So I can fucking end you Emotionally Physically Mentally End you I will replace every feeling she ever had for you With feelings of grandure Every place you’ve ever touched I’ll rip off your fingerprints And replace them with mine Every inch of her body She’s ever had damaged I will heal I’ll be her shaman Her medicine man The stars in her night sky Her crystal ball And by the time she takes a moment And stops looking into our future She won’t even fucking remember you She will never want for anything again I just hope she doesn’t waste her life on you You only get one And I want her to know That hers matters More than any words I could ever say More than any poem I could write down I could never fully explain to her What she means to me And if you can’t do that I will gladly Do it for you Trust me Give me the slightest chance And I will fucking destroy you Let her stray And I will take her from you -WOD

She asked me Is it love? Love? Those feelings are foreign to me Like wars I shouldn’t be in In places I can’t point to on a map Drawing lines to nowhere But always moving towards the objective Guessing my way through unexplored territory Holding my nations colors Waiting To find a place to call my own Sure I may not have been the first one that planted their flag on you But I plan on building my endless empire on the beautiful soil that is your skin One inch at a time Until I am the last one to ever conquer you Others will try to invade us But I will defend you. To my last breath. From enemies physical or emotional Nothing will ever touch you You will never feel unoccupied Regardless of who once ruled over you How vacant they were Or how many times you’ve been destroyed by them I’ll be there No matter the amount of cities Or countries Or continents I have to flatten in my wake I will rebuild you I’ll build the strongest castle walls as armor around your soul I’ll dig you the longest, smoothest, rivers Straight to the deepest, Most beautiful, blue oceans that hold your heart And I’ll drop anchor And stay in that beautiful body of water Till my ship sinks And if that’s love Then I guess I love you -WOD