I’m incredible at hand jobs, but I also got a fifteen-sixty on the SATs. [ anti teen w@lf canon lydia martin. highly divergent. by nosta. ]
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@wailher
I’m incredible at hand jobs, but I also got a fifteen-sixty on the SATs. [ anti teen w@lf canon lydia martin. highly divergent. by nosta. ]

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STARTER CALL YO!
HI I’M REVAMPING LYDS 💁♀️
“ why should i even get out of bed? ” ( @haeretik )
“ just because you’re basically a hobo with too much spare time doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do that don’t involve you. ”
roll of her eyes, exhale from plump lips accompanies an attempt to free herself from his grasp ( wrists pinned to the bed, he knows what he’s doing ), Lydia would take the time to enjoy it if it weren’t for the fact that her perfectionist, borderline control freak nature doesn’t allow her to be late to any of her college classes and / or appointments of the day. Truly, this is what she gets for letting Kai stay over so much – she doesn’t even remember giving him a spare key ( he just happens to be inside every night ).
“ you’re being unfair – you have your vampire strength and your witch powers. that gives you, like, ten times more leverage over me. ” the pursing of her lips brings a slight crinkle to her nose ( it’s mostly playful, but she’s this close to kneeing him in the crotch, because Lydia Martin just doesn’t like men playing around when she’s not up for it ). still, after a quick glance at the lit screen of her phone by the nightstand, she exhales a defeated sigh, takes advantage of his mild distraction to free her wrists and yank him closer atop her by the waistband of his jeans, “ I guess I still have ten minutes left before i’m supposed to get to campus … that means flip over, you know i’m always on top. ”
𝐆𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐄 ♡ 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒
change gendered language to your needs. ♡
“ the results were disappointing. i was devastated. ” “ i’m not gonna deal with that shit. ” “ so, i put the panini in a balloon & swallowed it whole. ” “ you watch your mouth in my house. ” “ try not to let anyone see you, i hate the way you move in public. ” “ if you haven’t made your bed, throw it away. it’s too late to make it now. ” “ so i swiffer-vaulted out of there & broke my fucking mandible on some nutri-grain bars. ” “ you callin’ me a liar? ” “ WELL TUESDAYS. AREN’T. GOOD FOR ME. ” “ so i black out from the rage, and come to covered head-to-toe in hollandaise sauce. ” “ it gives me a panic attack when i look at your legs. ” “ i think i left the blow-dryer on. ” “ you got no lips. you have skin that turns into a mouth. ” “ nothin’ gets me goin’ like a juke box musical. ” “ why should i even get out of bed? ” “ i got your grape juice, you pansy. ” “ i’m gonna go put myself on craigslist. ” “ i’m gonna punish you with my leg. ” “ could you excuse me for one second? ” *screams* “ so i stole a pig. ” “ menopause is only gonna make me stronger. ” “ i’m angry, i’m aroused … ” “ what would you have done? ” “ was that you doing zumba on my front lawn? ” “ it’s my birthday so that means you have to watch me do crunches. ” “ LOOK AT ME. ” “ why do we have a sink if you’re not gonna wash the blueberries? ” “ let’s face it. this town needs a change. ” “ the anthropologists are gonna see this & they’re gonna want to study you. ” “ i’m gonna sleep in the chimney tonight. ” “ YEEHAW MOTHERFUCKERS. ” “ could i have a word with you under the table, real quick? ” “ okay, was anyone planning on telling me that a walrus can suck the skin off of a seal or was i just supposed to read that in national geographic myself? ” “ you’re a walking lisa frank notebook. ” “ i was already in hell, but now it’s like i’m going to hell grad school. ” “ i don’t know which apostle i swirlied in a past lifetime, but i’m really paying the price now. ” “ this is a dish towel. we need a hand towel. what are we, barbarians? ”

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ø ━━━━━━━━━ A LATE NIGHT TEXT.
[ sms : lydia ] did you know avacados were named after reproductive organs ? [ sms : lydia ] my entire sentiment of them is totally blown. [ sms : lydia ] hi btw. got myself a strong case of insomnia. so, y'know, left to ponder things that the average human wouldn’t spend even a second dwelling on
@WAILHER ━━━━━━━━━ LYDIA MARTIN.
[ text : stiles ] yes, I did know that. [ text : stiles ] no, it isn’t me making me think about YOUR reproductive organs atm. [ text : stiles ] you’re lucky I can’t sleep either, otherwise i’d block you. again.
There has been a lady inside my brain screaming for the past 10 yrs and u think taking a bath and doing yoga will stop her? U are wrong. She is a very mad lady and she will not be silenced
‘ come on, talk to me. what happened to no secrets? ’ ( @boysarcasm )
“ there was never a ‘no secrets’ policy between us – I crossed my fingers behind my back. ”
tone is meant to be sardonic; yet it only comes out tense ( she wishes she could sound more natural – perhaps she’s just lost all ability to pretend in front of him. that worries her. ). still, Lydia continues her walk through the police station’s corridor with an iron grip on her handbag, with hands she wishes weren’t so unsteady and trembling ( you’ve avoiding your troubles – that’s what you do. you still bury them down and pretend they don’t exist. she wonders if he has caught up on that already ).
“ we’re here on a mission, not so you get the chance to play therapist on me. ” please, don’t ask how i’ve been doing – she doesn’t think she can endure pity stares and attempts to understand any of the things that go through her mind right now. Yes, Stiles is one of a kind ( they have more in common than she’d like to admit, maybe had things been different, they would’ve worked out perfectly ), but he’s not the one hearing voices, having vivid images plagued with death of people she doesn’t even know – or worse yet, people she cares about. His vocal chords don’t bleed out after a raw scream in the darkness that harbingers nothing but doom.
Lydia is used to pretending – her facade might’ve cracked around him over the years, but that doesn’t mean the walls aren’t still trying to conceal what’s inside.
she stops on her tracks after a moment of unnerving silence ( she can feel his judging stare behind her back ), and turning on her heels, she expects to lash out at him – instead, her voice comes out quiet and breathy, “ i’m fine, okay? you know me – i’m always fine. I graduated prom queen slash valedictorian, of course i’m fine.” returning to Beacon Hills after two years has just taken a toll on her ( this town is filled with too many ghosts ), “ I have great memories of this place. ”
( * &. – TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE SENTENCE STARTERS .
* taken from the 2018 movie to all the boys i’ve loved before, based on the series by jenny han. you can also find the book starters here. as always, feel free to change pronouns !
‘ a lot of girls would be pretty weirded out by their boyfriend sleeping in someone else’s room, but you’re so trusting. ’
‘ am i just a joke to you? ’
‘ are you crazy? who’s gonna believe we’re in a relationship if i’m not allowed to kiss you? ’
‘ are you keeping tabs on me? ’
‘ are you kidding me? this is the reason why you broke up with me? ’
‘ are you trying to reject me right now? ’
‘ because i’m in love with you. only you. ’
‘ before your murder our sister, could i just ask you a question? ’
‘ being with you was so easy that sometimes i let myself pretend it wasn’t fake. ’
‘ but over time, that feeling just faded away and i missed my best friend. and it wasn’t love. ’
‘ can we talk about this? let me drive you home and i’ll explain everything to you. ’
‘ can you maybe just admit that some part of you doesn’t want everything in your life to be a fantasy? ’
‘ can you turn around? please? ’
‘ come on, talk to me. what happened to no secrets? ’
‘ do you think you might change your mind? ’
‘ duh, first rule of fight club. ’
‘ finally, everyone is gonna see you for who you really are. ’
‘ for someone who has such good grades, you can be so dense sometimes. ’
‘ for someone who’s quiet all the time, you sure have a lot of opinions. ’
‘ he is not as confident as he pretends to be. i am not as though as i pretend to be. and you, you are not as innocent as you pretend to be. ’
‘ he looks at you like you’re a sexy little rubik’s cube. he can’t figure you out, but he’s having fun trying. ’
‘ her face is gonna be in the wrong place! ’
‘ her logic was off, but her heart was in the right place. ’
‘ how did i let this happen? i’m so stupid. ’
‘ how do you tell your fake boyfriend you can’t go with him because you’re starting to have real feelings? you can’t. ’
‘ i am way better looking than that guy. ’
‘ i can count on you to be honest, always. ’
‘ i can’t believe i inadvertently dabbled in porn before i lost my virginity, but it’s been a strange year all around. ’
‘ i can’t believe i let you convince me to go on a trip that requires getting up before 7:00 am. ’
‘ i could never hate you. ’
‘ i don’t know how to be friends with you like this. ’
‘ i don’t know what to tell you. that sucks. i’m sorry. ’
‘ i don’t understand why you didn’t tell me all this was happening in the first place. ’
‘ i heard my cousin dumped you for a college student, that true? ’
‘ i heard you have a tail. is that true? ’
‘ i just know that he likes you. i can tell by the way he looks at you. ’
‘ i just wanna be super clear: i’m flattered, i am, but… ’
‘ i just wanna finish this chapter. ’
‘ i know you love me. ’
‘ i know you’re only being nice to me because i accidentally made a sex tape and you feel bad. ’
‘ i like your hair down. you look pretty. ’
‘ i love how you’re not afraid of her. ’
‘ i need you to know that i like you. ’
‘ i need you to know that i like you. and not in a fake way. ’
‘ i think it’s funny, you say you’re scared of commitment and relationships, but you don’t seem to be afraid to be with me. ’
‘ i thought you were gonna hate me. ’
‘ i wrote five love letters so don’t go feeling too special. ’
‘ if i hear anyone talking about you or that video, i’m gonna kick all of their asses. ’
‘ if it was real and he still doesn’t want me… then at least i’ll know. ’
‘ if it wasn’t real then i didn’t lose anyone. ’
‘ if you ask, it ruins the whole vibe. be cool. ’
‘ if you miss him, why don’t you just tell him? ’
‘ if you need me i’ll be in the nurses office, with a migraine, googling justin trudeau shirtless. ’
‘ if you really, truly didn’t want those letters to be sent, then why did you address them? ’
‘ if you’re gonna have sex in a public place, you’ve gotta deal with the consequences. ’
‘ is it so unbelievable that someone could like me? ’
‘ it was fated, that we should meet like this. ’
‘ it was spin the bottle, you psycho! and it was tongueless! ’
‘ it’s a cool trick, right? you wanna see me do it again? ’
‘ it’s bad enough if a guy were to do this, but a girl? that’s despicable. ’
‘ it’s been a strange year all around. ’
‘ it’s cold outside. i don’t do cold. ’
‘ i’d say if anyone stupidly fell for someone who doesn’t like them back, it’s not you. ’
‘ i’m gonna kill you. ’
‘ i’m just here to take down one of those chocolate shakes. ’
‘ i’m just so tired of writing love letters. it’d be nice to receive them. ’
‘ i’m more real to you than he is. ’
‘ i’m not trying to date you. ’
‘ i’m officially back to being invisible. ’
‘ i’m onto a nickname for you: largie, it’s funny because you’re so small! ’
‘ i’m sorry i didn’t sit next to you. ’
‘ i’m tired of being second best or fake best. ’
‘ last night was a mistake. ’
‘ like i said, i didn’t do it. ’
‘ look, i am really sorry. about everything. ’
‘ look, i just wanna say that i really– i appreciate it, but it’s never gonna happen. ’
‘ no one’s ever liked me like that. ’
‘ no, this is a fight i have to handle myself. ’
‘ no, you’re not just a joke to you, you just don’t understand the situation. ’
‘ oh… it’s you. ’
‘ screw you, you know my feet are always cold. ’
‘ she just stopped drinking caffeine for some diet, i think she’s just in withdrawal. ’
‘ she’s gorgeous, but you have way better style. ’
‘ since you’ve been together, i’ve never seen you so happy. ’
‘ sleep where you want, sluts. ’
‘ so here’s the thing, i don’t actually like you. i just had to make it look like i liked you so someone else wouldn’t think i liked them. ’
‘ so love and dating? i love to read about it and it’s fun to write about and to think about in my head, but when it’s real… yeah, it’s scary. ’
‘ so, what, now you’re ignoring me? ’
‘ still think you haven’t gotten a love letter? ’
‘ stop. don’t finish that sentence. ’
‘ the more people that you let into your life, the more they can just walk right now. ’
‘ the reason i went to her room that night was to tell her that it’s over because… i’m in love with you. ’
‘ then again, he’s a jock and they’re slow learners. ’
‘ there’s no one like you. ’
‘ this is all your fault! i hate everyone! ’
‘ those shoes weren’t just cool, i thought they were kind of hot. ’
‘ um, hi… personal space, much? ’
‘ we are still together. you’re just trying to pull out because you’re scared. ’
‘ we can never tell anyone that this relationship is fake because it would be too humiliating for both of us. ’
‘ we need to have a contract so we’re on the same page about the rules. ’
‘ we’re still cool, right? ’
‘ …we’re still talking about her? ’
‘ what do i have to do to get you to bring me one of these tomorrow? ’
‘ what do you put in a contract for a real relationship? ’
‘ what if we let people think we were actually together? just for a little while. ’
‘ why didn’t you just tell me that? i feel like i would’ve understood. ’
‘ you are such a snob! ’
‘ you can be mad at someone and still miss them. ’
‘ you can’t just sit up in your room writing love letters that you’re never gonna send out. ’
‘ you didn’t even say it wasn’t true? you just let everyone think we had sex in the hot tub when you know we didn’t? ’
‘ you didn’t tell anyone about last night, did you? ’
‘ you gonna break my heart? ’
‘ you got rules? come on, you really know how to zap the fun out of a situation. ’
‘ you gotta trust. ’
‘ you have this whole judgy face scenario going on. ’
‘ you kissed me first. ’
‘ you knew that i liked him and you kissed him anyway! ’
‘ you know i’m gay, right? ’
‘ you know people usually check behind them before they reverse to, you know, avoid killing others. ’
‘ you know what? if you want me to read that then you have to give that to me. ’
‘ you look good. you always look good. ’
‘ you look pretty. i’ll prove it to you. ’
‘ you owe me braid crowns for the rest of your life. ’
‘ you should never go to college with a boyfriend. ’
‘ you were never second best. ’
‘ your filthy little secret’s safe with me. ’
‘ your mouth is saying something, but your mouth said something completely different. ’
‘ you’re like a sweet, innocent girl and he’s a complete dick. i don’t get it! ’
‘ you’re officially pg-13 again. ’
‘ you’re still in love with this bon iver wannabe? ’
‘ you’ve gotta tell people how you feel when you feel it. ’
don’t tell anyone. ( @digsfashion )
“ rach, you know gossip isn’t really my cup of tea. ” just because she enjoys learning things and pretty much knowing everything about everybody doesn’t mean she’ll go around sharing said knowledge with just anyone – Lydia is a tomb when it comes to keeping secrets ( she considers gossip to be stupidly idle – when you know the exact moment and place when everybody you care about will die, everything else seems superfluous in comparison ). perhaps, she still misses said idleness.
“ still, if you want my advice – which I know you don’t, but i’ll give it either ways – I say you need to forget about that guy and find yourself someone better, ” Lydia shrugs, brings the red mug to her lips ( Rachel still has no idea how to prepare decent coffee, but Lydia doesn’t mention it ), “ I can’t stand to watch you look so affected by someone who still thinks dinosaurs are cool. ”

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' if you ever want to talk about stuff, i’m here. ' ( @steilnski )
an unlikely situation; an unlikely companion – Lydia doesn’t talk about her issues, perhaps because she’s seen first hand what happens when you do - at best, nobody listens. Perhaps, if she lets the voices consume her in silence as much as she lets most problems do so, then the screams will just become something natural. Truth of the matter is, even if she wanted to talk about Eichen House, words would simply not come out. And she prefers it that way – maybe if she drowns the memories with the voices, then one will overpower the other.
there once was a girl, she cried and she wailed …
there is a heavy dose of silence between them, Lydia remains simply frozen in place, and for the briefest second, her mind wanders off – the voices, the images, they drown any other thought within her mind; they are loud, and vivid, and she thinks, for a moment, that she can drown his request too if she tries long enough. But Stiles always, somehow, manages to make himself be heard in her head.
“ i’ll keep it in mind … ” she finally mumbles, tries her best to imprint a steady tone into her voice ( tries not to sound like her throat will crack, break into sobs after weeks and weeks and weeks of just pretending and crying into the darkness of her bedroom ). and turning on her heels, she intends to walk away – has even given a step or two forwards, she doesn’t even know how ( her body is acting on its own ), but when she finally stops on her tracks, her nails that once were immaculate but now have become dull and cracked dig into her palms, and she breathes – in and out.
“ maybe we can … uh, maybe we can talk over coffee or something … ” maybe she doesn’t want the visions to swallow her whole ( even if they will numb the memories of Eichen – which one is actually worse ? ). she turns back to Stiles, and her eyes are darkened and dulled by weeks of no sleep, “ i’d like that … ”
FLEABAG — quotes season two of the channel 4 television series. contains nsfw content. feel free to make alterations. find season one here.
you know, the worst thing is that i fucking love you.
it’s okay not to know what you want.
don’t make me an optimist, you will ruin my life.
i am not a bad guy! i just have a bad personality, it’s not my fault.
some people are born with fucked personalities.
i can’t have sex with you, because i’ll fall in love with you.
hey, you created this monster.
grab the night by its nipples and go and flirt with someone.
you don’t like answering questions, do you?
don’t tell anyone.
the only person i’d run through an airport for is you.
i’m not obsessed with sex, i just can’t stop thinking about it.
i guess i’m just really fucking lonely!
if you want to change your life, change your life.
you are the problem, you know that?
i spent most of my adult life using sex to deflect from the screaming void inside my empty heart.
just fucking tell me what to do!
i guess the only thing left for me to say is fuck you.
putting pine nuts on your salad doesn’t make you a grown-up.
i’d like to be your friend.
you’re being so quiet! why aren’t you saying anything?
i’ve only got underwear under this coat.
do you want to make a run for it? i can smuggle you out.
if you ever want to talk about stuff, i’m here.
i thought i wouldn’t see you again unless you were in trouble.
oh, my tits ruined your peace?
okay, mingle, but don’t talk to anyone.
i will take you down, fucker.
i did want to see you, but now i don’t want to see you.
i want someone to tell me how to live my life, because, so far, i think i’ve been getting it wrong.
i love you, but i’m not sure that i like you all the time.
you just think you can do whatever you like, say whatever you like.
listen, i don’t need to be analysed.
can you not think the fucking worst of someone for just a split fucking second?
i am so intrigued to see how you’re going to make this whole evening about yourself.
certainly wouldn’t put it past you to chop a dick off.
i sometimes worry that i wouldn’t be such a feminist if i had bigger tits.
i just really, really don’t want anyone to make a big deal out of this, okay?
i thought you’d be in prison by now.
people are all we’ve got.
i take all the negative emotions and just bottle them and bury them and they never come out.
we’re going to have sex, aren’t we?
i think you know how to love better than any of us, that’s why you find it all so painful.
i’m a douche, but i make you laugh.
i can’t read a winnie the pooh quote without crying.
oh, i’m going to be sick.
are you okay? you look like something bad’s happened.
don’t blame me for your bad choices.
the main fucking problem here is that you don’t like me.
me living for the concept that the banshee scream takes a toll not only on lydia’s pysche but also on her body, ie, making her vocal chords bleed and draining her of energy afterwards.
“ 𝚆𝙴𝙻𝙻 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝚂𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻𝙻𝚈, i’m a fan of IGNORING A PROBLEM until eventually it just goes away. “
lydia turned 26 on march 19th and i didnt’ have her blog back then so happy late birthday my baby <3
friendly reminder that’s her age on my main verse too!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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here’s the link to donate to george floyd’s official memorial fund if you are able to contribute. if you can’t donate, please share. being black shouldn’t be a death sentence.
this one too!
DYNAMICS CALL. smash gently that heart and we’ll plot some dynamics because i need it xo