days

I’m still here and exist. Weird. lol. 

I was once ready to retire from this world. I was once ready to evacuate livelihood approximately 9hrs. ago.

At any given moment I could die. At any point in time I be shot while being black. Why, thank you, Amerikkka. A blessing you have bestowed upon myself, my brethren, and sistren.

Within days of getting a job, I’ve gunned down what websites I’ve maturing into shopping at, what pricey clothing I want, and so on. It's telling how much of a maximalist at heart I am. By nature, I’ve acquired the taste for wants and desires. Free of total hedonism but deterrent from that side of myself I choose to grow into a minimalist identity and state of being which means note to self: quit worrying about the things you’re going to buy before you’ve even got the money to pay for them. 

do u have2 do u hav2 do u hav2 let it lingerrrrr

I’ve consecutively been scheduled one day a week for 2 weeks and again for the coming a week. I have a job but I don’t have a job. I broke the needle I was using to pump air in my soccer ball. I’m broke as fuck. I’m out of money; I’m out of meds; I’m only nine hours into the fucking morning and still have the rest of this goddamn day to go. 

Love don't mean nothin' if I ain't got you, but the thing is, I don't. I haven't for a few months or maybe even a year—I'm unsure. Either way... I'm out here just searching for substitutes & alternatives that can be the filler space for the unconditional love & support you gave me & the romantic love I've never had. In due time I guess. Matter of fact, you still wound up divorced countless times & living the rest of your years with your children & their beloveds. But what's love if it ain't family, right? Love don't mean nothin' if I ain't got you.

i hhate apple tm

the rumbling winds bustle through the city & its silent streets

when i have kids, i’m gonna explain to them the duality of watermelon like their seed bearings of paper or plastic

Ain’t got time for all this shit. Too depressed with repressed stress. 

whats everythng supposd 2mean n e wæ

I gotta get my shit straightened out & stop watchin' shitty movies on Netflix to pass the time. I hate this shit. Time to change the ways of a westerner, pal.

i’m learnin’ shit, i’m figurin’ it out. bit by bit. piece by piece. i got this, mama.