Waffles Do Not Quant @wafflesdonotquant - Tumblr Blog

Mr. Eagle: You need to make me a new sandwich.

Ms. Giraffe: That's sexist.

Mr. Eagle: It's not sexist if the reason is that you destroyed my original sandwich.

#sandwiches #meninism #mr eagle #ms giraffe

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Ms. Giraffe: We're all yelling at each other, but I feel like we're all on the same page.

Mr. Eagle: If that's not the theme of this apartment, I don't know what is.

#midwest #mr bear #ms giraffe #mr eagle

We should co-author a novel so we can kill each other.

Ms. Giraffe

#ms giraffe #mr eagle #what if it's us #it's like an obscure third level joke #nanowrimo

Ms. Giraffe: I'm not gonna start drinking at 10pm. What is this, college?

Mr. Eagle: Strictly speaking, you're not going to start drinking at all.

#alcohol #primaries 2018 #ms giraffe #mr eagle

The worst part about the below post is people reading this will think that I...

I guess no one is reading this, though.

Ms Giraffe

#but just for the record wraps are not sandwiches #bread is required for a sandwich #dont even get me started on paninis #alone together

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Pizza and wraps are different. I can’t believe I have to say that, but apparently I do.

Mr. Eagle

#mr eagle #alone together #sandwiches are a social construct #do not edit these tags #there's too fine a line between calling wraps sandwiches and calling pizza or tacos a sandwich #i'll go down with this ship

I'd plan my own bachelor's party, actually. If I do get married, that is. I guess if I never get married every party is a bachelor's party.

Mr Eagle

#hedging bets #marshall's my best man #forever alone

* Mr Eagle and Ms Giraffe enter into a deal*

Mr Eagle: I will accept payment in ice cream.

Mr Giraffe: I'll buy it now and leave it on your bed so it'll be ready for you.

#manage your finance #more like phi-nance #but not really #jp licks #love simon

I'm starting to come around to the idea that New Jersey is better than New York. There are parts of New Jersey that aren't covered in trash. I'm not sure the same can be said of New York.

#go home new york you're drunk #boston strong #ms giraffe

Let's play a game: drink every time I say drink... Drink!

Ms Giraffe

#blame it on the alcohol #i hate games and people #time is ticking

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Hopefully this is obvious, but don't drink the black paint water.

Mr. Eagle

#tub boy #arts and crafts #safety czar approved

A chain doesn't work if it's broken.

Ms Giraffe

#germ chart #gay shall we live until we die

wafflesdonotquant

Ms. Giraffe: What is kryptonite?

Mr. Eagle: ...

Mr. Eagle: I'm sorry, what?

Ms. Giraffe: Is it, like, a thing that makes you feel good? Or is it a thing that destroys you?

Mr. Eagle: Well it is definitely not one of those things.

wafflesdonotquant

Btw I still don't know what kryptonite is. - Ms Giraffe

#is it personal magnetism?#lmgtfy #cultural awareness

Ms Giraffe: You are not chill. For example, you are most likely to cry at Mr Walrus' wedding.

Mr Eagle: If no one cries at a wedding, it's a shitty wedding.

#nontoxic masculinity #my emotions #MY EMOTIONS #mr walrus

Ms. Giraffe: What is kryptonite?

Mr. Eagle: ...

Mr. Eagle: I'm sorry, what?

Ms. Giraffe: Is it, like, a thing that makes you feel good? Or is it a thing that destroys you?

Mr. Eagle: Well it is definitely not one of those things.

#ms giraffe #mr eagle #why is it in all the songs #was another part of this conversation #also #i thought that it was like mochi

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Mr. Eagle: I'm about to send an email to the other team declaring victory.

Mr. Eagle: I can't believe I'm about to win this battle...originally literally everyone was against me on this.

Ms. Giraffe: People say that fraternities kill brain cells, but guess where you learned to be an argumentative champion?

Mr. Eagle: False.

Mr. Eagle: I've always been argumentative.

#life skills #she makes the tags #mr eagle #ms giraffe

Ms. Giraffe: Focus, I'm giving you a compliment.

Mr. Eagle: Ah, I do like compliments.

Ms. Giraffe: I've been getting a lot of sleep lately.

Mr. Eagle: That's not a compliment. That's bragging.

#false advertising #ms giraffe #mr eagle

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