Atroquinine

It’s been bothering me for quite a while now, the whole debate about sexuality and coming out and what gender you are attracted to and it makes me honestly wonder; what is the point?

Because in all honesty, a problem isn’t one until a person makes it so. And people have been, and will always be making a big deal out of it for no particular reason. 

Instead of focusing on your sexuality, focusing on a sexuality existing even, why not just focus on your feelings? Instead of spending days and weeks and even years contemplating whether you’re bisexual or straight or gay, why not just focus that you want to find one person that truly makes you happy?

Instead of coming out as any sexuality, why not just present the world with the person that you love? Instead of trying to label yourself for the clothes you’re wearing, just accept wearing them because you like them. If you’re a boy who likes wearing skirts and heels then wear them because you like them, don’t overthink it. If you’re a girl and you like dressing more masculine, do it just because.

Cause truly, if we just dismiss the whole concept of sexuality and placing yourself in a certain criteria, it would be so much easier for everyone. Sexuality is already flexible, so perhaps it’s not as important as we deem it to be.

My first ever post, and I had to do this. A small thing for Half Bad  by the beautiful @sallygreenhalfbad 

IS A MAJOR SPOILER FOR THE LAST BOOK.

                              ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

You were so drunk off your invincibility you forgot how mortally vulnerable he was.

It's dark. It's dark and it's damp, grainy against my skin. My movement is constricted, roots are digging into my sides. And it shouldn't have gone that way, but it did. I don't regret it, Nathan. I don't regret following you, going through this with you and if the times ever changed, if we were to go back again I would do the same.

I would do the same as many times as I called your name, as many times as I thought about you, as many as every word you've spoken to me from the first time we met.

  I'm stiff now, like a hollowed log in a forest, buried deep and small in the earth. But I still love you. I'm decaying, rotting, being devoured down by the memories and the days and I love you.

You like the riverside, the calm and the quiet. I listen to you talking about it sometimes, though I can't hear as well as I used to.

Is it okay to wish I were there too? I wish I'd seen all the places you've been, Nathan, all the places that made you yourself. You're fascinating, the black and the white and the beast and the human and all of you. I think I should've tried harder for me and you both.

I know you can't hear me, and my own voice is dying within me too and I don't think that even this earth is going to bear my weight any further. But at least know this, feel it in your heart as I felt you.

Live, Nathan.

Live because you deserve it, because you fought too long, too hard, too horribly not to. Because even the days pass and the wounds heal and the scabs they leave might be ugly and revolting to you but they never hurt anymore. Because you were mine and I am yours until I'm broken down to the last bone of my spine.

Live and keep me locked in you, not as bloody and pale as you saw me.

Know me as I were, by a small stream with you, swimming and fighting and pushing each other around. In a run-down apartment in a city where no one knew who we were and no one cared, in a war but not really thinking about it. In a forest, deep inside a small den and curled against you. On a mountain filled with the thrill of the height and getting high off the rush.

Know me in love with you, Nathan, kissing you and touching your hand, us being one and firm and never separated. And forget. 

I feel me withering away, the last parts of me sinking. It's not as scary as I thought it would be. The faintest sound hits my still heartbeat as I’m giving away. 

"Gabriel."

I smile.