Healing is never linear, nor is it comfortable but let me fucking tell all of you. ESPECIALLY for anyone who canโt see a way out of the darkness, on any level. No hope, in this seemingly hopeless realm.
However, healing WILL, WITH FACT BASED BEAUTIFUL EVIDENCE, get you to emotional & mental place that YOU NEVER, thought you could ever be in.
I was in therapy last night & saying out loud for the first time, about how, monumentally, exponentially different cognitively I am, in these last
Fuck, I mean even just from the beginning of this year!
I feel like a wolf who has new fur skin & claws to match. Reborn.
I was sobbing in the absolute best way possible, realizing everything in real time.
Iโm not going to get into details on social media, but for anyone who needs to hear this, as much as I needed to, not just hear, but to BELIEVE with such soulbound, hellbent conviction.
To BELIEVE, even when you find yourself completely by yourself with you & you
To TRUST & BELIEVE when thereโs nothing to distract you, no company or anything, when nothing feels okay or comfortable.
To believe & trust with every fucking fiber of your being:
๐บYOU DO NOT need to be understood to feel pleasure, safety, & loved๐บ
Save your goddamn self! Hold on to you! Rewire your patterns of thinking without running from yourself or burying yourself.
Get to know yourself beyond your appearance, your talents, your interests, your hobbies, & your opinions. Question yourself without doubting yourself.
You & you, are the most consistent & perpetual, unconditionally loving twin flame, soulmate entity in your life who you can forever rely on to come through for you every minute of your life.
You & you, are the eternal & real love of your life.
Fight for yourself. Have conversation with yourself, I promise there so many pieces of yourself, you wonโt ever get to know you deeply, until you do.
Thereโs still pieces of myself who I canโt wait to meet.
Please keep mourning & processing how ever long it takes to heal & rewire yourself, find a new path.
Give yourself compassion & accountability.
It will never matter how long it takes.
But also, grab on to the trust, even if you donโt trust it now, grab on to your Falkor of hope & just KNOW!
Even if you donโt know! Just KNOW life WILL, WITH FACT BASED, BEAUTIFUL, & IRREFUTABLE EVIDENCE, get better ๐ YOU WILL get better. I can promise you this, on my mom & dogโs grave.
You are far more powerful than you think you are & you are above your trauma & above everything painful that youโve been through.
I vow to love myself through all the phases of the moon, I wax & wane through
I feel so full. So whole. So fucking grateful.
My Scorpio-hearted mom is doing cartwheels in up there, yelling in the highest of irish joyous ululation-like pitch: โTHATS MY BAYBAAAAAYโ
*Think Xena: Warrior Princessโs war cry, but make it irish*
& Emmy is probably looking at her concerned, but cautiously enjoying the moment, as she always does
โI think, therefore, I am,"
meaning if weโre ever doubting our existence, the very act of questioning our existence proves that you do exist. You could not think, you could not doubt, if you didnโt exist.
& Billieโs spin on that philosophy proudly declares that she defines who she is.
& anyone elseโs narrative about who she is or what she could be thinking & feeling isnโt relevant to her existence.
โDon't talk 'bout me like how you might know how I feel
Top of the world, but your world isn't real
I really couldn't care less
And you can give 'em my best, but just know
I'm not your friend or anything, damn
You think that you're the man
I THINK, THEREFORE I AM!โ
๐น๐บ๐
๐ป๐งโโ๏ธ๐ฅ๐๐ฎ
Thank you to all my close friends who never left my side & to all my closer friends who challenge me, tell it like it is, compell my inner strength, & give me new nuance & perspectives. You keep growing.๐ค
Everything Iโve ever wanted be, is exactly who Iโve become.
Girlhood is a full tilt spectrum
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