NessaAnn

I feel lost without you. God I wish I could fucking forget you but you still are a constant thought on my brain. It’s like a cold that I can’t shake. I miss you, and I really wish I didn’t. Do you even think of me?

I don’t know what’s hurting me more; the fact that I’m not on your mind, or the fact that you’re the only one on mine.

There will never come a day when loving you wasn’t my favorite thing.

She sees the good in you that I don’t think you even see in yourself. She can’t think of anyone more lovely than you.

So let’s ignore each other, try to pretend the other person doesn’t exist. But deep down, we both know it wasn’t supposed to end like this.

It’s strange how I don’t recognize you anymore. It’s only been a week. Did you really change that fast or did my tears just clear my vision?

I find myself checking up on you a lot, like even subconsciously, as if you occupy my mind by default. It’s been a while since we last spoken but I still feel the last words I said to you clinging onto my mouth and it’s so difficult to keep them from coming out. They say it’s hard to break bad habits and I can attest to that because even  though I know what we had was a relationship in its most toxic form, I still crawl out of the bed of strangers to find myself curled up next to a picture of you because for so long, you were my home and it seems that no amount of warm bodies will ever replace the cold side of my bed. I think it’s a hard thing– to learn how to move on all alone, but a few days ago, a stranger smiled at me and it was the first time I didn’t feel guilty for letting myself smile too. I think it’s the little things like this that tell us our hearts are learning how to mend themselves back together. I think it’s the little things like this that tell us that it’s going to be okay, and that it’s going to get better.

Take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic.