The Optimist

You’ve been burned… in ways I cannot comprehend.  You loved, gave your all, made promises you never intended to break.  And then they were broken.  What I can only imagine is your whole world came tumbling down around you.  You got lost among the debris, swept away and forgotten.  A storm that hit so hard, it took months to recover and rebuild.  In many ways, I’m sure, you’re still rebuilding.…

You walked into my life full of radiance and light.  I don’t think I was quite ready for it.  By the end of the night I felt my lungs full of oxygen, my heart pounding softly, and a never ending smile plastered on my face.  I pulled you in for a hug that was much too long, listening to your heart pounding out of you chest too.  You…

When I was little I had a night time ritual.  My dad would read me a bed time story, tuck me into my bed, and give me a butterfly kiss good night.  He’d switch off the light and before he left the room he would always make sure that the closet door was shut, providing comfort that I would not be attacked by any monsters during the night. As a girl, sleep was always a struggle; so the convenient…

I hope you choose her

Dear Ex-Boyfriend (who is still in love with me): We are done.  Too many harsh words, brash fights, and heated arguments have torn the love we once shared to shreds.  It’s time to come to terms with that.  Stop holding on to what could have been and commit to being the best possible person you can be, so that when you do find your next love, you are ready. I say that I hope you choose her,…

I cut the ties. After I told him to stop communicating with me I remembered the letter (see previous post) that I wrote myself last year after our “first break-up”.  For a while I went on living my life in Europe, but there got to be a point in time where I missed him so horribly that I allowed myself to fall in his arms again.  And on the other side, he allowed himself to travel 5,000 miles to…

Letter to Oneself (postdated Sept 14)

September 2014 Dear 21 year old love, I call you love because you are the one person I have to love no matter what in this world.  I have to look out for you and do what is best for you, because after all you are me and I am you. These past few years at university have been eye opening.  You had and have probably lost your first love.  I know you are in denial, but I think it is best you let him…

“Thanks for inviting me, I had such a great time” he whispered so softly that I almost missed it, but managed to cause full fledged butterflies to flutter to life inside my heart. We spent the evening closing our eyes and grimacing as we watched the Sharks be defeated mercifully by the Penguins.  Despite the lack luster game, and the heart break of loss; I couldn’t help but smile the whole entire…

I’ve been meaning to post this for a week or so.  When I heard this song today, it made me reflect on the thoughts I had last week on a ex-loves.  We are all ghosts, and while I have been haunted, I am sure I have haunted dreams of those who once loved me and who were hurt by me.  To them, I apologize sincerely. I ran into my ex…

Here I go. Getting on track again.  You are my own personal crack, and I need to quit cold turkey and never look back.  It’s time to look in the windshield and head forward, rather than the rear view mirror reversing backwards.  It’s what is best for me.  It’s about time that I become selfish, just like you always were.  I don’t care about your needs or wants, because you crossed too many lines.…

It would have been 4 years

I didn’t squash your delusional thoughts, but I also didn’t entertain them.  When you said that you still thought of me while being with someone new, it gave me a little joy to think that I no longer harness those emotions for you.  While I may have not found someone new, I have let you go. Maybe there’s a part of me that has teased you and treated you the same as if I were still yours for…

That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you And your white horse, to come around

Maybe I was naive, Got lost in your eyes And never really had a chance My mistake I didn't know to be in love You had to fight to have the upper hand I had so many dreams About you and me Happy endings Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, Lead her up the stairwell This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town, I was a dreamer before you went and let me down Now it's too late for you And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees, Begging for forgiveness, begging for me Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well This is a big world, that was a small town There in my rear view mirror disappearing now And its too late for you and your white horse Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa Try and catch me now Oh, it's too late To catch me now

Why am I talking to you? Why do I miss you? Why do I want you back? Why the fuck do I always forgive you? I know nothing has changed. You haven’t changed. It’s easy to make excuses for your faults. When we talk it’s always about what you want, what’s best for you… why do I put up with that crap? Does my opinion even matter? Do my needs not matter? Why oh why? Someone please snap me out of this. I…

Flirting with Thoughts of You

I am not yours, nor you mine. Still, I dream of those big luscious soft lips gently grazing mine. A mix of hesitation and desire.  Passion more than anything taking over our hearts and minds.  Allowing the walls to fall apart, opening our soul to the other.  Whisper sweetly and softly.  Tell me the thoughts that you hide in the dark recesses of your mind.  The thoughts that scare you.  Let them…

The love that never could be

Last night I had a dream that made me feel from my head to feet again.  My breath becoming short, my heart fluttering like delicate butterflies, and a cool calmness that comes from feeling protected and loved. He was there, sitting across from me.  A moment in time I could capture forever.  While he was ordering, I stared intently across, admiring his blue green eyes, taking in his sweet dimpled…

A written prose that came true…

I lost myself in you.  I let you take over me.  I woke up one morning and I didn’t feel like myself.  Instead I began to embody the woman you wanted me to be. A soulless, emotionless, thing.  I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize myself anymore. Instead I found this helpless frowning girl, pleading for help.  I didn’t believe it, so I smashed the mirror and left the room; the shattered…