Cliché Dreamer

One day, you will learn how to love someone in a way more than how you know, now.

Most of the night, you would ask yourself about the man who broke your heart, ‘Is there still love that lingers out from the ashes?’. To your surprise it answered yes – beyond dust and particles. It’s huge. It’s actually heavy. It’s brave. But somehow it slowly fades and gone with the wind. The first time you were together, he was like the sun and his rays were your wings, your tail, your legs – your breath. You never felt special whenever you’re in his arms, you felt cherish. For the first time, you felt home. He showed you how much you mean to him. He convinced you that you’re the only air that fills in his lungs. Cliché but it surely destructed your nerve. You were so happy that time, no, you feel so beautiful everyday. One day, he changed and you’re proud to tell yourself that it’s easy to move on. It’s easy because you were strong, brave and independent before he came. But it never happened. The turning point of your life came, the flowers in your heart withered, your anchor shrunk, your what if’s kept you in a box. Why? Because no matter how fast you reached the finish line of your track it still felt like the starting point. No matter how excited you walk along that new road, you would still love the old unknown. There would always be, “I hope he’s here” that crossed along your journey. There would always be a familiar sensation that would stay as your favorite scent. You cried, you wanted him now to wipe your tears, to kiss your cheeks, to regain your trust. But is that what he feels too? Is that what he desires too? Of course not, he has no time for you. He’s now busy making he’s new one feel wanted. The same game he did to you. The same strategy on how he quenched your thirst to love. The same words that flattered your heart before. I know, it’s painful. I knew how it felt because I’ve been there, I mean, ‘I am there’ and I don’t know until when.

I’m broken, again. I am destroyed by the lullaby created by your heartbeat. I fell in love and so I fell hard on this pit. You allowed me to own you and I let you to keep me like a special gem of ruby. But I doubt, “did you really keep me the way I wanted to be?” NO. I mean yes you kept me, you kept me in a room full of choices. Then, my lips reminded me of everything. Everything when I am cloth with fine linen and you were there. But when I walked nude with thorns and nails on my ankle, you were no where to be found. I tried to beg and as much as you hate me, I hate myself more for mistakenly doing it. Now, as the sun drops and meets the horizon of the ocean, I realized you are like waves and I am the shore, we met and meet but not meant.

It is now that pain have somehow evaporated. It is now that my lips ain’t pale because hell of a life, you sweetly peel off those lonely skin. It is now that everyone is looking at us and I don’t know why – maybe because I dressed pretty good. But maybe because, I’m carrying this 360 pieces of roses with proses on its stem. It is now that I am ready to see a falling star, descending from limelight. It is now that I’m afraid I can no longer pull off poetry from my fingertips. It is now that I am happy and I know I deserved it and I thank you. It is now that I pleaded you to stay and I’m confident you will.

Now, the sky never stop from being angry, it rain and it rain like his never been this mad before. And I suddenly miss you, not because its cold. But I miss you because the thunders and lightning remind me of you. I want you now, here, at my side, no, in front me. I want to hug you, I want to kiss your neck at the back down to your spine until you say ‘please stop’ then hug you again. But this never happened, I should better say ‘this will never happened’ because just like thunders and lightning, you’re gone, so fast, not because you leave but because I made you leave. And I’m sad, but I guess it’s more than being sad, it’s unexplainable, I’m so unwell. I want you back but just like thunders and lightning you’re gone, you might go back but no longer the same.

I will trust you even if your fingertips are not faithful enough. I will trust you even if your eyes are naughty and your lips ain’t trustworthy. I will trust you even if you lied to me a hundred times before, I mean a million. I will trust you because you’re capable of protecting me, protecting me from stupid-aching-pain, that aching pain you cause when our late-night fights don’t get settled. I owe you a million hugs. I hate you. You, being my other half and me, being the person every one get envious because I have you and most especially because you have me.

I wasn’t the person you’re holding in your dreams, I am the person you cuddle every morning and comforts you from your nightmare.

It is that certain type of kindness you can hear from one person’s voice that will make you know him further. It is that one of a kind love that lingers. It is that ironic moment you never planned in your dreams before that happened. It is that type of lips you curse but eventually turned out to be your-never-ending-wish your fairy godmother granted. It is that symphony you both enjoy when silence tries to deafen your awkward moments. It is the exact place you run when thunder and lightning disturbed your prepared-date. It is that person who can break your heart and causes bruises and wound. It is that name who can be a reason of your death. But, it is still that person who can mend your soul, the same name you can hold on when death is near, the same guy who can cure your scars out from the wound. It is that love you share under rain and storm. It is that face you look as you walk in aisle of roses and tulips wearing the white gown you both picked.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We commonly asked ourselves, ‘Who am I to be, gorgeous, talented, powerful, charming, famous?’ We over look things. We over sight ideas and opportunities because we become dependent on our beliefs that all the time we are capable. We thought that life is easy, we forgot that it’s road is not place in the garden, it’s in the forest, in the wild creepy forest. We thought that we are capable of making others liked us. We believed that we are capable of ruling mediocre individuals. And we are glad that we are capable of hurting them as well. In other words, we put too much love and affection on our capabilities. We become crucial, evil, threat to others life, imminent pollution to someone’s soul. Sometimes, we don’t even have happiness because we cannot be easily fulfilled by simple things. It’s sad but it is already chained on our wrists and ankles that made us uneasy to walk. Remember, too much pride kills, and only ourselves can break the chain. Actually, we should better ask ourselves, ‘Who we should not to be?’