something about hearing that the boy you like got a girlfriend from a passing conversation because you never really got that close to him.
something about walking home after finding out the boy you like has a girlfriend and seeing straight couple after straight couple rubbing it in your face
something about introducing yourself as “shy, gay, and madly in love” but now all of those things just hurt
something about getting home and crying into your pillow every night while your sibling just complains about the noise
something about leaving in the middle of the night
something about pouring your heart out looking over the whole city but theres not one single person out there to talk to about this
something about the utter GUILT of not having this nebulous self-sacrificing instinct that fiction loves to present
something about how the end of e12 portrayed the all-consuming dread of feeling that happiness and comfort and love are not FOR you. if he is happy, you should be too because you were never supposed to get the boy. the best you can do is fade into the background and be grateful you made it into the shot in the first place. the hopes you built up are not FOR you, the futures you see play out on the street are not FOR you.
romaincrisis
gummygunk
stormborns
titsay
jbbartram-illu
snowghoul
