The Void

Nothing like being in a dead end relationship

I feel so alone

Its kinda cold... im alone wanting to cut... reggaeton playing in the distance.. my last semester... im not ready for this shit storm

I feel like i cant be myself. Like being myself is a problem to the people around me. Sometimes im too loud, sometimes i speak so softly no one can hear, i listen to things to loudly, i go to sleep too early, Im messy, i get distracted easily, i forget a lot of things, i hate physical acrivity, I get fixated on topics and people get tired of listening, I plan too much, sometimes my emotions run away with me and i dont even notice, its really hard to talk about what im feeling in an appropriate moment (which means i say it at a terrible time and it results in a huge problem and ends up meaning next time i wont share it at all), I have a hard time doing simple ass tasks but somehow do pretty okay on complex tasks, I lie too much to keep people comfortable, i lie because saying what I really feel has never resulted in anything good ao whats the point. Life is just about pretending everything is fine until it either is or you dont care anymore. Im having such a shitty day. And the one person I wanna talk to is also having a shitty day and doesnt wanna talk to me. What happened to we are a team? Right im the one that always says that.. sigh sometimes i just wanna give up. On this relationship, on my life...

Being in in a relationship where both people are unstable is the challenge of a lifetime. It’s a constant am I an insensitive asshole or are they? Are we both? Or are we just hypersensitive and draining? It can get extremely toxic... but you have to fight for what you love right? Some days are so good... I just want things to be better. But that would mean we are both getting help and rn only one of us can... so that one has to be extra patient and understanding... its just so fucking exhausting who do I talk to about this? Because my therapist is already on the fence about them and im not supposed to discuss our relationship with my friends or family so... tumblr? Lol screaming into the void 101 life is a fucking joke

Wow today has been a shitty day.. you know you are flawed and you try your best to not affect those around you but who is looking out for you? Who can you trust to consider your feelings as much as their own simultaneously? Not a lot of people.. for most people not anyone.