Bring Your Own Bat'leth

honestly the funniest thing abt breaking bad is walter causing his own issues and then surprised abt it like jesse will be like yo mr white i don’t think working with the joker is a super good idea and walts like shut up jesse u idiot and then at the end of the season walt’s like jesse we have to kill the joker

I bet seeds taste so fucking good to a bird

My younger sister asked me about my popular tumblr posts and I showed her this one and she said "wow people on tumblr must be stupid as shit"

Humans will pack bond with anything. 

I once saw a really bumpy lime at the grocery store, just a real ugly fruit. Later that night my boyfriend & I were driving home from rehearsal at like 11:30pm & passed the grocery store & I stared crying & he said “is it that lime? Do you want to go back and get it?” And I nodded and pulled the car around and bought the lime.

9/10/2022

Couldn’t let alqueda win you fucking pussies

I’ve read the article about him, he outright said he was so shocked by 9/11 the only thing he could think to do was go bowling

Elves would hate going to costco

dwarves and orcs love going to costco

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

i wasn't "doing a bit". i was doing a lot actually.

Today’s spoiled, phone-addicted generation wouldn’t last five minutes inside the Earth’s molten core

Concept: a bunch of high school Satanists get drunk in the local graveyard and try to conjure a demon, but they’re using one of those “reconstructionist” ritual books that gets its sources all mixed up, so they end up with a minor Mithraic fertility spirit that hasn’t spoken with humans in like 1700 years instead. By the terms of its binding it’s not allowed to leave until it’s ensured a successful harvest for its summoners, which is a problem, because none of these goobers have ever raised so much as a houseplant; if it wants to go home, it’s going to have to teach them how to garden - whether they want to learn or not!

“Five high school sophomores were arrested today on charges of operating an illegal pot growing business behind the Home Depot on I-95. The 200-foot-tall plants, which police could see from their station…”

the most annoying people are the ones who just reply "no 💖" to recovery/self-improvement posts

ill never forgive you guys for reblogging the version without the wet box addition now there's edgelords in my notes and nobody gets to hear about the wet box

everyone sayin “wait till diana sees her again” as if she’s going to the same place as princess diana

[Image description: a tweet by Brent Spiner that says, "To celebrate this Star Trek Day, I'm going to let Chris Pine spit on me #StarTrek" /end image description]