Unlimited Juice

I've been out to my the people in my life for 10 years now, but self reflection during quarantine has made me realize how I've never been comfortable with my sexuality. Instead of ever addressing being uncomfortable with myself I just put up walls between me and everyone. It provided a false sense of safety. Thankfully I've started working on being more comfortable with myself and opening up to the people in my life, but now that I'm starting to feel more comfortable and loving myself more each day, I just feel lonely. I never allowed myself to have gay friends and doomed myself to what feels like an unending loneliness. Not allowing myself to have friends that can identify with what it was like to struggle and grow up gay has just been exhausting and just worn me down. I feel like a fish who is suffocating after living their whole life on land because I was scared of being a fish. Anyways if any gay followers wouldn't mind just letting me vent and talk about my struggles with someone that understands I'd really appreciate it.

I’m doing as good as you can living under an authoritarian orangutan's dumbassery.