just livin

It feels like I’ve entered a whole different life over the past ~3 months and my brain/emotions are still having a really hard time processing it all. I quit teaching, something I truly loved and grew to hate for too many reasons to list. We moved again, but this time I know absolutely no one here. I’m also just straight up not working for the first time since I was 16. So all of this is new to me and it’s all a bit of a struggle. I still wake of from nightmares where I’m teaching, having frequent flashes of anxiety like I’m forgetting something, and a massive dose of teacher guilt—like I’m somehow letting these kids down by not teaching anymore. Pair this with the overwhelming thoughts of “I need money”, “I need to go back to work”, “What career path can I even take with this degree other than teaching” AND a hefty dose of loneliness…it’s safe to say that I am ✨not thriving✨ I think that I just needed to get that off my chest, to admit that I’m not okay right now. I will be ok again someday, not sure when, but right now I’m not and it just is what it is.