Dear Berry,

2020-2022 (im pretty sure it lasted that long) was such a crazy period of my life. I would say i have regrets, but everything was a result of my porn addiction which I still dont understand why i wasnt sent to therapy for it. I mean if you saw multiple disturbing tabs of porn vids on your 10 year old’s ipad, wouldn’t you send them to therapy instead of beating them?

Nevertheless throughout my life i’ve always been a quiet child and didnt get beat much. However, this period of time was different. The kind of fear i experienced is something i would never want to go back to. It was a constant cycle. My phone gets searched impromptu before im able to clear the history. I hide away in the storage room and spend the night there while another hidden device of mine plays prayer compilations. I get dragged from my room around 3am to get beat. And the cycle repeats. The fact is, the reasons this kept happening got progressively worse, thats a story for another day though.

I still remember getting the living shit beat out of me for having an online boyfie (lol) and telling him i was bi. Only for me to find out this year that the same mother who beat me for these, had been having an array of affairs throughout her marriage. My father criticised her this year for being so harsh with us yet he stood by her while she did it. There’s really no use telling me now.