poetry corner

I miss you 

And god I know 

I know I’m stupid 

You’ve proven that 

Again and again, 

You don’t miss me 

You love drugs 

More than 

You’ll ever love me 

I feel so stupid 

Changing something 

I know I’ll never get 

I hate that sometimes 

When I’m alone and it’s late 

I wish you were dead 

Because it’d be easier 

To grieve a dead parent 

Then a 

I was kind 

Even when it was 

Underserved 

I never stooped 

And I was steadfast

For a while 

I was easily placated 

For a long while 

Too long 

And still 

Too kind 

Even when I could 

I had every right 

I never said a word 

Never said anything 

Cause those boys 

Deserve a mother 

I drank a lot 

And 

I was high 

For most of it 

And I wonder 

What we’d be like 

Sober

I regret 

EVERYTHING 

And I wonder if 

I’m allowed to feel 

This way 

Because there were 

Moments 

I was sober 

But the though 

Of your hands and mouth 

On my body 

Causes my breath 

To catch 

Am I allowed 

I wanted to be soft for you 

I am hard edges 

Sharp edges 

Easy to cut yourself on 

But I tried to soften them 

All for you 

And I sit here now, edges soft 

Like sea glass 

Wishing perhaps that 

I didn’t want to let you in 

Because then maybe 

There wouldn’t be this pain 

In my chest, 

And maybe there wouldn’t 

Be this hollow feeling, 

I wish to be sharp edges 

Again 

Hard to hold 

Like a freshly broken glass 

Before going tumbling 

In the ocean 

To once again become soft 

And once again end up 

I thought my words 

Were dried up 

Before 

I met you though 

And I was ready to 

String together 

Beautiful sonnets 

About how the hurt

Was worth it when 

You met them

Now my words are 

Overflowing 

And By god 

I wish I had never 

Let my walls down 

That I had never 

Let you in 

But I believed the 

Poets 

Don’t believe 

The poets 

We only write 

When we are 

In Pain 

You seem flighty 

Like a small bird 

Who feels an invisible cage 

And would rather leave 

Then stay 

Even if there is no cage

Maybe being my lover boy 

Felt constricting 

Maybe commitment 

Felt like cold handcuffs 

Clicking into place 

I don’t know 

If I can trust you 

With anything 

You’ll leave 

At the knowledge 

I told you I wrote 

When I was upset 

And I wonder 

How’d you react to knowing 

That here I sit writing about you 

You love to read poetry 

But I don’t think you'd like this brand 

I think you’d know who it’s about 

You’re not stupid 

We both know it 

You liked my dark poems 

And you never pried 

Despite whatever questions 

You might have had 

I don’t know if I want to see you 

I’m not mad, 

I’m just hurt 

You don’t control my feelings 

But right about now 

Years of working through feelings 

Has come undone

And here I am, 

You made me want to write 

About being in love 

To write about feeling 

Wanted 

Sitting here now, 

I wish I didn’t open up at all 

I wish I didn’t tell you 

I wish you didn’t  

Ask me that question 

Make me feel like I was on top 

Of the world 

Only to take it away from me

Over and over 

This happens 

I think I’m done, 

I think I'll be a good aunt 

But never a mom 

My friend won’t get the chance 

To be my maid of honor

And I’ll never get the life I dream of 

It’s okay 

It has to be okay 

There isn’t another option 

Because everything always has to be 

I just want someone to love me 

I just want someone to want me 

But these are unreal expectations 

I am meant to be alone 

Commissioning work 

Off of dead-end poets 

Who will say 

‘Love cures all’ 

 And that 

‘Everyone is lovable’ 

But I know something they don’t 

It’s not true 

Some of us remain, 

Unable to be loved 

Even by those who are supposed to 

Cold lonely nights 

What am I doing wrong 

To be blind-sighted at every turn 

Taken by surprise every time 

The words are spoken 

Maybe I am that undesirable 

And maybe men only want one thing 

Day in and out 

I am not the girl 

Not the first choice 

Always a bridesmaid 

Never a possibility of being a bride 

Maybe I am cold 

But I was not always this way 

I was once warm 

Love moving 

Live everflowing lava 

Maybe My love is destructive 

And maybe it’s best that it slowed 

And my heart 

And I 

Have grown cold 

Hardening into obsidian 

Beautiful 

But impenetrable 

You’re still in 

My dreams 

And I hate you 

For it 

I’m supposed to 

Be over you 

But hearing your name 

Still sends an ache 

Through my chest 

I hate that you’re ruining 

Me from a distance 

I know I was 

nothing more then 

A new notch in your belt 

I hate how she 

gets to be the one 

You pine after 

And it hurts 

Because she’s my friend 

I can’t stand the thought 

Of facing you 

I feel sick to my stomach 

Knowing I have to see you 

Everyday 

It’s like I can’t 

Escape 

And I need out 

I need to be able to breathe 

To eat 

To just be me 

But you’re like a determined 

Parasite who is adamant 

I rot and fade away 

Until there is nothing left 

You only want me 

When I’m naked 

I only miss you 

When I’m drunk 

You tell me 

you love me 

But if you love me 

Why’d you force me 

To strip for you 

I remember 

Everything you told me, 

Favorite color 

Birthday 

Chosen career path 

Trauma 

Time difference 

Your triggers 

But I can’t say 

With certainty 

You remember my name 

You promised me 

Promised you wouldn’t 

That you would listen 

When I said 

No 

But you didn’t 

And now my underwear 

Are on the floor 

I feel like I

 can’t breathe but 

You don’t stop 

You don’t listen 

To my pleas

I don’t miss this 

But I miss the companionship 

When I'm sober 

And I miss being held by 

You when I’m drunk

But you only want me