Made to love, but not to be loved; made to understand, but not to be understood; always the poet, never the poetry.
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@vivvyflower
Made to love, but not to be loved; made to understand, but not to be understood; always the poet, never the poetry.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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You hold yourself so well, people would never suspect you're going through hell.
Deadbeat Dead
I miss youÂ
And god I knowÂ
I know Iâm stupidÂ
Youâve proven thatÂ
Again and again,Â
You donât miss meÂ
You love drugsÂ
More thanÂ
Youâll ever love meÂ
I feel so stupidÂ
Changing somethingÂ
I know Iâll never getÂ
I hate that sometimesÂ
When Iâm alone and itâs lateÂ
I wish you were deadÂ
Because itâd be easierÂ
To grieve a dead parentÂ
Then aÂ
Deadbeat one
Sissy
I was kindÂ
Even when it wasÂ
UnderservedÂ
I never stoopedÂ
And I was steadfast
For a whileÂ
I was easily placatedÂ
For a long whileÂ
Too longÂ
And stillÂ
Too kindÂ
Even when I couldÂ
I had every rightÂ
I never said a wordÂ
Never said anythingÂ
Cause those boysÂ
Deserve a motherÂ
Who isnât also âsissyâ
Sober regrets
I drank a lotÂ
AndÂ
I was highÂ
For most of itÂ
And I wonderÂ
What weâd be likeÂ
Sober
I regretÂ
EVERYTHINGÂ
And I wonder ifÂ
Iâm allowed to feelÂ
This wayÂ
Because there wereÂ
MomentsÂ
I was soberÂ
But the thoughÂ
Of your hands and mouthÂ
On my bodyÂ
Causes my breathÂ
To catchÂ
Am I allowedÂ
To feel regret?

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Edges
I wanted to be soft for youÂ
I am hard edgesÂ
Sharp edgesÂ
Easy to cut yourself onÂ
But I tried to soften themÂ
All for youÂ
And I sit here now, edges softÂ
Like sea glassÂ
Wishing perhaps thatÂ
I didnât want to let you inÂ
Because then maybeÂ
There wouldnât be this painÂ
In my chest,Â
And maybe there wouldnâtÂ
Be this hollow feeling,Â
I wish to be sharp edgesÂ
AgainÂ
Hard to holdÂ
Like a freshly broken glassÂ
Before going tumblingÂ
In the oceanÂ
To once again become softÂ
And once again end upÂ
Hurt
Words
I thought my wordsÂ
Were dried upÂ
BeforeÂ
I met you thoughÂ
And I was ready toÂ
String togetherÂ
Beautiful sonnetsÂ
About how the hurt
Was worth it whenÂ
You met them
Now my words areÂ
OverflowingÂ
And By godÂ
I wish I had neverÂ
Let my walls downÂ
That I had neverÂ
Let you inÂ
But I believed theÂ
PoetsÂ
Donât believeÂ
The poetsÂ
We only writeÂ
When we areÂ
In PainÂ
Or In Love
Flighty
You seem flightyÂ
Like a small birdÂ
Who feels an invisible cageÂ
And would rather leaveÂ
Then stayÂ
Even if there is no cage
Maybe being my lover boyÂ
Felt constrictingÂ
Maybe commitmentÂ
Felt like cold handcuffsÂ
Clicking into placeÂ
I donât knowÂ
If I can trust youÂ
With anythingÂ
Youâll leaveÂ
At the knowledgeÂ
Of what has been done.Â
Hurt Writing
I told you I wroteÂ
When I was upsetÂ
And I wonderÂ
Howâd you react to knowingÂ
That here I sit writing about youÂ
You love to read poetryÂ
But I donât think you'd like this brandÂ
I think youâd know who itâs aboutÂ
Youâre not stupidÂ
We both know itÂ
You liked my dark poemsÂ
And you never priedÂ
Despite whatever questionsÂ
You might have hadÂ
I donât know if I want to see youÂ
Iâm not mad,Â
Iâm just hurtÂ
You donât control my feelingsÂ
But right about nowÂ
Years of working through feelingsÂ
Has come undone
And here I am,Â
Back to writing.
Okay
You made me want to writeÂ
About being in loveÂ
To write about feelingÂ
WantedÂ
Sitting here now,Â
I wish I didnât open up at allÂ
I wish I didnât tell youÂ
I wish you didnât Â
Ask me that questionÂ
Make me feel like I was on topÂ
Of the worldÂ
Only to take it away from me
Over and overÂ
This happensÂ
I think Iâm done,Â
I think I'll be a good auntÂ
But never a momÂ
My friend wonât get the chanceÂ
To be my maid of honor
And Iâll never get the life I dream ofÂ
Itâs okayÂ
It has to be okayÂ
There isnât another optionÂ
Because everything always has to beÂ
Okay

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Dead-End Poets
I just want someone to love meÂ
I just want someone to want meÂ
But these are unreal expectationsÂ
I am meant to be aloneÂ
Commissioning workÂ
Off of dead-end poetsÂ
Who will sayÂ
âLove cures allâÂ
 And thatÂ
âEveryone is lovableâÂ
But I know something they donâtÂ
Itâs not trueÂ
Some of us remain,Â
Unable to be lovedÂ
Even by those who are supposed toÂ
Cold lonely nightsÂ
Lead to cold baren hearts
Lava Love
What am I doing wrongÂ
To be blind-sighted at every turnÂ
Taken by surprise every timeÂ
The words are spokenÂ
Maybe I am that undesirableÂ
And maybe men only want one thingÂ
Day in and outÂ
I am not the girlÂ
Not the first choiceÂ
Always a bridesmaidÂ
Never a possibility of being a brideÂ
Maybe I am coldÂ
But I was not always this wayÂ
I was once warmÂ
Love movingÂ
Live everflowing lavaÂ
Maybe My love is destructiveÂ
And maybe itâs best that it slowedÂ
And my heartÂ
And IÂ
Have grown coldÂ
Hardening into obsidianÂ
BeautifulÂ
But impenetrableÂ
And lethal.Â
I Rot
Youâre still inÂ
My dreamsÂ
And I hate youÂ
For itÂ
Iâm supposed toÂ
Be over youÂ
But hearing your nameÂ
Still sends an acheÂ
Through my chestÂ
I hate that youâre ruiningÂ
Me from a distanceÂ
I know I wasÂ
nothing more thenÂ
A new notch in your beltÂ
I hate how sheÂ
gets to be the oneÂ
You pine afterÂ
And it hurtsÂ
Because sheâs my friendÂ
I canât stand the thoughtÂ
Of facing youÂ
I feel sick to my stomachÂ
Knowing I have to see youÂ
EverydayÂ
Itâs like I canâtÂ
EscapeÂ
And I need outÂ
I need to be able to breatheÂ
To eatÂ
To just be meÂ
But youâre like a determinedÂ
Parasite who is adamantÂ
I rot and fade awayÂ
Until there is nothing leftÂ
But an emaciated corpse Â
Naked
You only want meÂ
When Iâm nakedÂ
I only miss youÂ
When Iâm drunkÂ
You tell meÂ
you love meÂ
But if you love meÂ
Whyâd you force meÂ
To strip for youÂ
I rememberÂ
Everything you told me,Â
Favorite colorÂ
BirthdayÂ
Chosen career pathÂ
TraumaÂ
Time differenceÂ
Your triggersÂ
But I canât sayÂ
With certaintyÂ
You remember my nameÂ
You promised meÂ
Promised you wouldnâtÂ
That you would listenÂ
When I saidÂ
NoÂ
But you didnâtÂ
And now my underwearÂ
Are on the floorÂ
I feel like I
 canât breathe butÂ
You donât stopÂ
You donât listenÂ
To my pleas
Â
I donât miss thisÂ
But I miss the companionshipÂ
When I'm soberÂ
And I miss being held byÂ
You when Iâm drunk
But you only want meÂ
Naked.
i love when people presume im like. gentle & kind as if i couldnt rip someones throat with my bare teeth rn

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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âThat is another chamber of my heart that shows no electrical activity â the chamber that used to flicker into life when I saw a film that moved me, or read a book that inspired me, or listened to music that made me want to cry. I closed that chamber myself, for all the usual reasons. And now I seem to have made a pact with some philistine devil: if I donât attempt to re-open it, I will be allowed just enough energy and optimism to get through a working day without wanting to hang myself.â
â Nick Hornby, How to Be Good