somewhat incoherent textual info dump

Surrounding yourself with positivity won't help you get rid of unpleasant feelings. Nothing will do this, in fact. Nor it should.

One of the most beautiful aspects of being alive is how vast and diverse one's experience is. It would be impossible to enjoy our life as much as we do if we had only one side of our emotional spectrum. Moreover, this positive and nice-feeling side alone would soon become something regular and thus, it'll stop being desirable.

But it wasn't the reason I decided to stop running away from expressions of any form from people expressing how self-destructive, anxious, enraged or suicidal they feel at times. I always related to this kind of messages, it always hit home. Then I stopped myself and thought that this kind of "indulgence" worsens my condition even further, without proper evidence for it. That's then I strictly filtered every bit of content I was seeing, and forced positivity onto myself.

It was nice, at first. It felt like I ate a hole out of my chest, but while I felt occasional joy and didn't think as much, it was nice. 

But, as it always happens, my depression kicked back in eventually, like an old familiar face living next door, asking me out to enjoy a cup of tea together. Or rather, forcibly invading my house and drinking all my fucking tea without my permission.

I withdrew myself from my usual life, as I always did. My mom immediately found a culprit in the face of the Internet. But now it was clear it wasn't the case. I was keeping my influences sugarcoated, so why was I devoid of any will to go on again? 

As it always happens, the depressive period ended, switching with remission. Then it came back again. Then ended. It wasn't something out of common, this cycle was a part of my life for several years. 

Meaning the problem is within me and it's not the consequence of outer influence. Yet, at the time I decided to filter out all negative things and concentrate on optimistic and encouraging content.

However, as I started to notice, it didn't sit well with me. Of course, at rare occasions when I felt something similar to joy it was nice and agreeable. However, when I was in conflict with myself or my surroundings, or simply devoid of emotion, nothing could help me "cheer up". Nothing resonated with me. Nothing felt okay. I couldn't cry because I was so numb yet I wanted to so bad. But I thought I can't "indulge in negativity" and I just kept torturing myself.

But now I realize. Negative feelings are normal. Pain is normal. And expressing it, and thinking about it, and feeling it without trying to restrain it is an important part of being a healthy human being. Because bad feelings aren't a disease. But trying to contain them withing yourself can cause one.

that i should just stay aside

a room full of people with me in its corner

though i was the one to decide

my place in this room, in this world, in my own small tingling head

i don't wish to be seen, i don't wish to be heard

to be honest, i'd rather be dead

 someone said to me once "from who are you hiding, my dear?

come out of the dark and let me see your face clear"

but the thing is, my face was already flooded with tears

"not this time", i thought, ran away by my inner crowd's cheers

 i'm my own enemy, there's really no one more harmful than me

i'm my own victim, my judge and my thief

i robbed myself from the last bits of hope of redemption

i forgot where i dug it and i want no one to mention

 oh, i'm sorry, i'm talking too much

it's hard to resist such a chance

Of me being trapped in this cage

But I think I've found a sollution

To dissolving my tireless rage

So what is the benefit of rhyming the words?

Well, poems have a beautiful trait

They can take author's mind to the different worlds

Far away from his desperate fate

Tyler's right, this is just a therapy session

With me being a patient and a doctor

With me, being a victim and a robber

With me, being the starter and a dropper

But really, contradicting traits in your OC

Just show the plot hole shining brighter

And if your char was here to live

She wouldn't be a writer nor a fighter

She would lock down herself in a dusty room

And sob for hours at an end

So please, just let her uneventful doom

as if getting endorphins has really changed my way to go

hear them say, "pain is temporary" never adding "pleasure's too"

while i get caught up in a cycle recycling my emotions like a fool

 so what do i want? i need some time to work out answers

which will later be irrelevant and also total fucking nonsense

and as i run a maraphon from my own thoughts and apathy

please, for one, just show this girl some empathy...

apparently i'm not good with emotions

especially when they're my own

the never-ending chain of questions

and never-ending lack of things that i get done

 so what is the secret of maintaining all these things at once

there's so little time and you spend it on people you will never truly know

there's this girl i like and she has a cool bowlcut

she looks as if she was a dreamy anime character although i'm not really sure and im confused because im kinda in love with her but i also have high standards that like to remind me that she's not good enough but what IS enough anyway???

Please, show some mercy this time

I'm so tired, so lend me a second to store

My thoughts I'll eventually write

I've nobody, I think I'm finally being alone

Sometime before I wished to be like this, always at home

Seeing only my reflection, face that's made of stone

How pleasant it must be when no one's calling on the phone

The truth is bittersweet and its taste is really faded

And I don't need your empathy - please, you can have it

My eyes are getting weaker with every passing moment

And yet, I'm paralyzed by screens far more than often

I guess it's my method to hide from myself

My fears and my thoughts can be placed on the shelf

Titled "not touch" and left free to get dusty

I don't want to have them - they've become really nasty.

If you were to view my brain as a simple machine

I guess that its systems are wearing thin

It's buggy and glitchy, it can't let me sleep

It caused so much pain that went under my lids.

And yet, I want a good conclusion to the story

Not the one with rope, or necessarily gory

I believe I can get through whatever it takes

To finally be able to let myself raise

My voice and my hands far up to the sky

And I will admit - there is no time to die

My life is up here, not under the dirt

Creative flow and the birth of new ideas are consequences of your perception of the things that the outer world offers, the way you're getting influenced by them. So that would mean that in order to step up the quality of your art (in whichever form it may be) you need to have a consistent source of creative influence. While the regular observation of the world around you is the general way to get inspired and produce something that's unique to you and your perception, another great way to both have fun in creating something new AND constantly leveling up the production value is surrounding yourself with other creative people, bonus points if they're from the different fields of work. So, in what ways exactly do they  help you get better and overall, what impact do these connections have on you as a living person?

Benefists for the artwork: exchange of ideas: developing the idea to its maximum level; having in-depth conversations about certain pieces of media, analyzing things; constructive criticism/opinion from a standpoint of another creator; exchange of personal experience

Benefists for the person: improving social skills; finding people who share your interests and are interesting to talk to overall; having mental support from people who understand the struggles of being a creator; having a fun time!