A cryptic mind

I have written a lot of cringy shit on here

To the extent I can understand, I didn't care about anything. Health, time, self sufficiency. Life's a mindfuck. I never really cared before now. And what now? I'm trying to figure that out. I sing while walking to work, and randomly whenever. Respect bugs, animals, people. Laugh. Hope I find a way to enjoy life. Not just get by.

Ambition is better than drugs

Ima do it this time. For real, want to live more than ever

When I was 16, wynter and I took the phone from eachother ran around the house. We fought over it but it was playful. Sara and Melissa were supposed to come over and she was nervous cause Sara was 'beautiful, perfect' on myspace. So I said not today and she said no, don't cancel just cause of me! And I said no its fine. Then Sara said she got in a car accident? I'm sucha dick cause that didn't change my mind. But I did notice something I had not. That Sara is beautiful. So is Wynter, Nikki... but the thing is I never thought about how intimidating you are to eachother. Literally could be OTP with all of you. Yet now ill probably never see any of you. Because I couldn't choose. Now it's like a post apocalyptic world. Alone, suffering from nostalgia in the sense that everyone I know is dead. Hah, but they just don't want to see me again.. and it's a punishment. It bothers me everyday. Especially cause I the ones who made me feel important. The truth is I'm a loser. Financially immature. Dependent on my parents.. that's why I don't have friends. Cause my life is a joke and thats the reason I get disregarded. Makes it OK to condescend. I want to go crazy and kill everyone

Yo fatass always tryna eat somethin

*Africa by Toto plays/ remember sitting with a group smoking weed. Looked behind, saw Christian and Collin giving me a look. They thought it was stupid to go to Arrowhead on Fridays cause we didn't know anyone. But I saw it as an opportunity to meet people.

Been thinking about sex. It's more than being close physically. It's being mentally invested too. Knowing they're loving life, happy, satisfied. Stress free. But that's why fall outs are so common. Trust gets broken. Feelings hurt, go away. I've been closer to friends than people I've fucked. Another thing, why is referring to sex as fuck taboo? It's crude, but is it insulting? I don't think so, but I'm also the one who thinks right now and forward is all that really matters. And there's not much people wouldn't say to me. Cause i prefer to see life unfiltered. The best and worst. Its all just description. I want to hear your element of perspective in stories. To think about what if I was there, have i seen anything similar. But I also hate the notion of speaking just because we're in the same area. 'Im here, hey, listen to this' it's really not a big deal at all. Just depends... there's no good reason why I don't like some people sometimes. And in some cases I'm not sure why i feel guilty. Deserve goes both ways. "If you're not having a good day, maybe you deserve it"