The Free Trial Girl
I’ve never been into a relationship that really lasted long. I’ve never been the girl that was kept. I don’t really know what to do in a relationship. Usually the beginning of the relationship is all hearts and butterflies. No fights, and if there is, it’s just some cutesy argument or annoying one another. I like that. I love that phase, who wouldn’t? But that’s the phase you still try to impress your lover while you two get to know each other. I love those sweet endearments, and those endless reminders of how my significant other loves me. I love all those cheesy stuff.
But I know, it’s not always like that. It won’t remain like that. There will be conflicts, probably in schedule, because of the people around us, or because of us ourselves.
I like consistency, man. If you stopped calling me whatever sweet endearment you use, I would worry. If the way you message me changes a bit, I’d sense something wrong. (Sometimes, it’s just me so I try to set this one aside) but it makes me worry if I am making you feel bored, or you’re getting tired of me, and/or you don’t want to be with me anymore. You know what’s even worse? This is also the phase I would get really attached to you so when I’ve noticed those things I’ve said above, it’s just gonna unlock my annoying and very dramatic side. If you’re annoyed, trust me, I’ve even more annoyed. I just used the words three times. This is where I would or would not probably tell you about my worries and insecurities. This is where I would get jealous easily and hope that you’d notice im not okay because I won’t tell you. (Unless you really did not notice) I get scared on this part because this is not something good about me. This is exhausting. That’s why I would worry a lot and a lot.
Since I’ve never been into a realationship, (see what I did there?) when the conflicts come in the way, when my issues are brought up, (and what if yours too?) it results to fights or arguments. One of us or both of us would give cold treatment to each other. Annnnddd the most awaited part, ending the relationship or whatever that is going on between me and that person. It never worked out. Honestly, I don’t want to be the free trial girl anymore, that when we see each other’s bad sides we’d give up. I’m gonna apologize in advance but there’s this thing about me. What you do to me is what I will do to you. If you show me love now, I will show you love too. If you’re gonna act cold to me (for a reason I don’t know) I’m gonna act cold and uninterested more. (unless, we’re in a fight that is my fault, I would make it up to you). I just do this as a defense mechanism, I think? Because I am afraid to be like a martyr giving it all while I’m being taken for granted. However, guaranteed I’m gonna show you my love more and I will try to overcome my “katorpehan” as long as you remain consistent with how you’re treating me from the beginning you confessed your love to me. One thing I’m gonna ask you too, will you reassure me time to time and tell me everything, if you’re gonna be busy, everything you feel, everything you notice, what you’re gonna do, and tell me when you won’t be able to talk to me and why, update me about you (because obvi I care about you). Please help me not to over think. Because with you I wanna get through that dull phase. With you, I wanna work it out.

















