A Journal

Oh hey, no idea how you ended up on here, but here's some context:

Not entirely sure what compelled me to this exhibitionist endeavour but here we are.

It might have something to do with the fact that I'm nothing short of obsessed with playing the violin BUT I have crippling performance anxiety AND the distinct feeling that I'm too old to make anything of my playing.

So I figured I'd just carve up a little corner of the tinternets to amuse myself with reflections, thoughts on playing, on practicing, and some memory of my work in progress and struggles.

Ready for the climb up cringe mountain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm already seeing it starting to work, though. I feel much less anxious when I up the tempo, as I've taken something out of the equation.

My teacher suggested that I might be trying to get there "too quickly". Guess he was right - I can be quite impatient.

But also feel like no one had actually told me about what slow practice should feel like. I've now read about metronome charting, and might be doing more of that (though that's even more tedious than slowly upping the tempo!).

When I started playing the Sitt etudes one year ago, I could have cried, they all felt like such a struggle. Now that I’ve finally finished the first book.. I still cry. But hey, book one is done!

It’s going to be a long journey, but can’t wait till I can play like someone might actually want to listen.