Metattons legs

I give up Hate me, replace me, hurt me all you like it's not as if I'm not used to it

I haven't gone a few days without a psychotic breakdown this is slowly killing me

Dad finally leaves the house and I'm too chicken to do it. Fucking hell.

Lil vent poem thing I wrote, it's exaggerated so take it with a grain of salt - And it will eat you alive. All the days you spent laying, staring at the ceiling going over all their words and searching for a shred of hope. All those days, they come creeping back to you and you find it seems it's 2015 again. All this time you spent building, working tirelessly on yourself and your relationships are all for nothing. It comes crumbling down and there's nothing you can do about it but wait. "Wait it out" just like they tell you to. As if waiting won't cause you pain. As if waiting won't eat at your insides, cut up your heart and tear your stomach to shreds and remind you that these meds may be actually be useless like you worried they'd be. Who knows, there's a chance you may end up in hospital with a stomach ulcer from all this pain. Just like she did. Too much medication, only in your case it would be your mind that sends you there. You find its all pointless. Communication only sinks you further. You find your 14 year old self pull herself from the ruins and remind you once again why you should end it. It would be selfish, you tell her. But she knows the pain you're in is far worse than what you'll leave behind. Whenever it happens you long for the sensation of fluid running down your throat. Perhaps it's alcohol, or maybe poison. You hope it's both. You want to leave this place and be with her.