Princess Viola's Corner

This is focused on my experience as an autistic person but probably applies to some NT people as well.

I know people who are autistic (or who I suspect are autistic having got a radar for it over the years) who go to every damn Meetup there is, have probably met half the town, but none of these people wave at them when they arrive somewhere, or like their social media posts, or take ten seconds to say “Sorry, I’m busy” in response to a party invitation, even if it’s that person’s birthday. 

Autistic people who are nice, polite, make jokes, listen intently, remember things people like and ask them about them, try as hard as they can, and yet I watch neurotypicals respond in the “Let’s keep this polite and short” tone used between service people and customers, and afterward cringe and roll their eyes.

I consider myself lucky because I do have groups of friends, but I can’t count how many times somebody makes a throwaway reference to other conversations or events, and I realise everyone’s closer to each other than they are to me. I will never find out why.

And as for love, that seems like something for other people. 

— everyone will give up on you. Some will say it upfront, some will have indirect ways of showing it (you’re a lucky mf if you still have someone )

— your symptoms/ breakdowns/ panic attacks are cute for a few months. Everyone wants to help. Later on people find them annoying and inconvenient

— you will be blamed for not getting better. Doesn’t matter if you’re doing therapy, taking meds, exercising, eating well and sleeping. You can do all of it, some of it or none of it. They will find fault in your efforts.

— desensitization to your pain. This one isn’t their fault, it’s human nature. But it happens and yes it hurts cuz you would wish you were desensitized to your own pain but you have to feel it no matter what. Doesn’t matter if it’s the millionth time. It demands to be felt.

— people move on. But you can’t. You see people cope and get over things while you simply can’t. And it’s so much worse if you’ve been mentally ill for years. Even the smallest things break you and trigger you.

— you slowly realize this world isn’t made for mentally ill people in any way

 Learning to take pride in the work you do, no matter how small. – Guest Submission

 Gathering around the fireplace with your loved ones during the holidays while something’s baking in the oven.  – Guest Submission