genuinely broken.

Have you ever typed a message but halfway through you think “you know what, they don't even care” and deleted it.

I wish depression were an emergency. I wish someone could take one look at how sick I am and go “oh my god, we need to get you to a hospital!” and then when we get there I get rushed into surgery and the surgeons say “it’s a good thing you brought her here when you did, this is a seriously advanced case” and then they put me under and spend the next ten hours pulling metres of long, sticky black strands of gunk out of my body, throwing it immediately into an incinerator so that it can’t infect anyone else. And then they could stitch me back up and I could rest a few days, and when I leave the hospital everyone can see how much better I am and they congratulate me saying “well done, you’ve been so brave, I’m so glad you’re ok. I love you.”

Yes this time.

I always think I hit rock bottom and then I sink even lower and realize there is no bottom, it just keeps going down.

I’m a burden to everyone in my life

I wish I had words to express the feelings I feel without threatening suicide. I wish I could fully explain exactly what I feel. I wish I could say something other than life is meaningless and I want to kill myself.

These days I just don't feel shit. I don't feel a thing at all, I don't feel like I exist