This is the love of first attraction. It is “love at first sight”. It is sexual love. It is a passionate physical and emotional love based on physical attraction, beauty and aesthetic enjoyment. It is romantic love. It is a powerful bonding force especially in the young. It fixes on a single person and both begins and ends suddenly. It is characterized by jealousy, possessiveness, clinging, obsession with the object of our love and often a confusion of judgement, It is the love of poets and artists. When it is not returned we have “unrequited love” which is one of the most emotionally painful experiences known to humans. Eros is temporary lasting no more than months or a few years.
A love that is played as a game or sport; conquest; may have multiple partners at once. This is seduction. This is the “love” of the player who is really in love with the chase rather than the person. Often once the “conquest” is made the seducer moves on to a new target. If you have seen the film “Dangerous Liaisons” you are familiar with ludus. Most common in men but women also engage in it.
Philia (also called Storge)
This is an affectionate love that slowly develops from the initial rush of passion in eros or friendship. It is based on common experience, common interest, shared lives and mutual respect. If the love of eros is to survive it must evolve into philia. This is a type of love which can last a lifetime and survive tragedy and heartbreak.
This is a kind of love that is driven by the head, not the heart. It is the kind of love which causes us to marry for security, status, money or admiration. It is not passionate. Often difficulty arises when one partner forms a sudden erotic love for another. Eros always trumps pragma.
This is an obsessive love. It is eros in hyperdrive. Not always sexual those experiencing mania experience great emotional highs and lows. These lovers become very possessive and jealous. This is often the most tragic of all loves because those driven to the love of mania can become self destructive or violent if this love is not returned. Most often mania leads to a loss of the very thing the lover wishes. It pushes away the object of affection who feels pursued, pressured and closed in.
This is the highest form of love. It is selfless altruistic love. It is the love of God. It is the love of humanity. Agape is without ego, without attachment and without selfish desire. Agape is the love of a mother for a child. Agape is the love that causes a soldier to fall upon a grenade to save his comrades. Agape is the anonymous philanthropist who gives without seeking acclaim. Agape is the love of one who seeing their lover would be happy with another selflessly relinquishes their claim and fades out of the relationship. Agape is heroic love. Agape is noble love.
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