this is too real though
SNL has pretty much never given any fucks but lately they’re at the point of giving negative fucks

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this is too real though
SNL has pretty much never given any fucks but lately they’re at the point of giving negative fucks

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HERE’S THE THING THOUGH
I used to work for a call center and I was doing a political survey and I called this number that was randomly generated for me and the way our system worked was voice-activated so when the other person said hello you’d get connected to them, so I just launch right into my “Harvard University and NPR blah blah blah” thing and then there’s this long pause and I think the person’s hung up even though I didn’t hear a click
And then I hear “you shouldn’t be able to call this number.”
So I apologize and go into the preset spiel about because we aren’t selling anything, etc. etc. and the answer I get is
“No, I know that. What I mean is that it should be impossible for you to call this number, and I need to know how you got it.”
I explain that it’s randomly generated and I’m very sorry for bothering him, and go to hang up. And before I can click terminate, I hear:
“Ma’am, this is a matter of national security.”
I accidentally called the director of the FBI.
My job got investigated because a computer randomly spit out a number to the Pentagon.
This is my new favourite story.
When I was in college I got a job working for a company that manages major air-travel data. It was a temp gig working their out of date system while they moved over to a new one, since my knowing MS Dos apparently made me qualified.
There was no MS Dos involved. Instead, there was a proprietary type-based OS and an actually-uses-transistors refrigerator-sized computer with switches I had to trip at certain times during the night as I watched the data flow from six pm to six AM on Fridays and weekends. If things got stuck, I reset the server.
The company handled everything from low-end data (hotel and car reservations) to flight plans and tower information. I was weighed every time I came in to make sure it was me. Areas of the building had retina scanners on doors.
During training. they took us through all the procedures. Including the procedures for the red phone. There was, literally, a red phone on the shelf above my desk. “This is a holdover from the cold war.” They said. “It isn’t going to come up, but here’s the deal. In case of nuclear war or other nation-wide disaster, the phone will ring. Pick up the phone, state your name and station, and await instructions. Do whatever you are told.”
So my third night there, it’s around 2am and there’s a ringing sound.
I look up, slowly. The Red phone is ringing.
So I reach out, I pick up the phone. I give my name and station number. And I hear every station head in the building do the exact same. One after another, voices giving names and numbers. Then silence for the space of two breaths. Silence broken by…
“Uh… Is Shantavia there?”
It turns out that every toll free, 1-900 or priority number has a corresponding local number that it routs to at its actual destination. Some poor teenage girl was trying to dial a friend of hers, mixed up the numbers, and got the atomic attack alert line for a major air-travel corporation’s command center in the mid-west United States.
There’s another pause, and the guys over in the main data room are cracking up. The overnight site head is saying “I think you have the wrong number, ma’am.” and I’m standing there having faced the specter of nuclear annihilation before I was old enough to legally drink.
The red phone never rang again while I was there, so the people doing my training were only slightly wrong in their estimation of how often the doomsday phone would ring.
Every time I try to find this story, I end up having to search google with a variety of terms that I’m sure have gotten me flagged by some watchlist, so I’m reblogging it again where I swear I’ve reblogged it before.
But none of these stories even come close to the best one of them all; a wrong number is how the NORAD Santa Tracker got started.
Seriously, this is legit.
In December 1955, Sears decided to run a Santa hotline. Here’s the ad they posted.
Only problem is, they misprinted the number. And the number they printed? It went straight through to fucking NORAD. This was in the middle of the Cold War, when early warning radar was the only thing keeping nuclear annihilation at bay. NORAD was the front line.
And it wasn’t just any number at NORAD. Oh no no no.
Terri remembers her dad had two phones on his desk, including a red one. “Only a four-star general at the Pentagon and my dad had the number,” she says.
“This was the ‘50s, this was the Cold War, and he would have been the first one to know if there was an attack on the United States,” Rick says.
The red phone rang one day in December 1955, and Shoup answered it, Pam says. “And then there was a small voice that just asked, ‘Is this Santa Claus?’ ”
His children remember Shoup as straight-laced and disciplined, and he was annoyed and upset by the call and thought it was a joke — but then, Terri says, the little voice started crying.
“And Dad realized that it wasn’t a joke,” her sister says. “So he talked to him, ho-ho-ho’d and asked if he had been a good boy and, ‘May I talk to your mother?’ And the mother got on and said, ‘You haven’t seen the paper yet? There’s a phone number to call Santa. It’s in the Sears ad.’ Dad looked it up, and there it was, his red phone number. And they had children calling one after another, so he put a couple of airmen on the phones to act like Santa Claus.”
“It got to be a big joke at the command center. You know, ‘The old man’s really flipped his lid this time. We’re answering Santa calls,’ ” Terri says.
And then, it got better.
“The airmen had this big glass board with the United States on it and Canada, and when airplanes would come in they would track them,” Pam says.
“And Christmas Eve of 1955, when Dad walked in, there was a drawing of a sleigh with eight reindeer coming over the North Pole,” Rick says.
“Dad said, ‘What is that?’ They say, ‘Colonel, we’re sorry. We were just making a joke. Do you want us to take that down?’ Dad looked at it for a while, and next thing you know, Dad had called the radio station and had said, ‘This is the commander at the Combat Alert Center, and we have an unidentified flying object. Why, it looks like a sleigh.’ Well, the radio stations would call him like every hour and say, ‘Where’s Santa now?’ ” Terri says.
For real.
“And later in life he got letters from all over the world, people saying, ‘Thank you, Colonel,’ for having, you know, this sense of humor. And in his 90s, he would carry those letters around with him in a briefcase that had a lock on it like it was top-secret information,” she says. “You know, he was an important guy, but this is the thing he’s known for.”
“Yeah,” Rick [his son] says, “it’s probably the thing he was proudest of, too.”
So yeah. I think that might be the best wrong number of all time.
Source: http://www.npr.org/2014/12/19/371647099/norads-santa-tracker-began-with-a-typo-and-a-good-sport
Person A and B are neighbors. A doesn’t like cooking so they prefer buying instant food, etc. Whereas, B always cooks healthy homemade food. B notices A’s pure laziness so B decides to cook for A whenever they can and constantly remind them to take care of their health. And A genuinely appreciates B because no one has ever done anything like this for them.
One night, A decides to try cooking for once so they go to the grocery store to buy some ingredients. Coincidentally B is there also. A expects B to buy veggies or any other healthy stuff but instead, a big amount of junk food filled up B’s basket. They also notice B’s bitter and apathetic expression, which is very unlikely of them. A starts to get worried so they take B home and cook dinner for them. Then, A tries to comfort B and wait for them to speak up.
[NEWS] 171212 “Explosive charisma” B.A.P, An overwhelming comeback trailer
B.A.P has revealed the MV trailer for their new song ‘HANDS UP’.
B.A.P, who is one day away from their comeback, has released their MV trailer for their track ‘HANDS UP’ from their 8th single album ‘EGO’ on the 11th. The revelation of the video has signified the approaching of a powerful comeback.
In the revealed video, B.A.P struck a powerful pose in the midst of many dancers, creating tension, and attracting the attention of their fans. Starting out with an overwhelming scale, the lyrics ‘Go, Hands up’ are matched up the B.A.P members who have their hands raised up into the air, and has left a strong impact while looking majestic.
In particular, B.A.P has always received attention with their unique concept and performance, and have built up an identity that belongs to only them. They have now come back with a rugged and powerful image, and the expectations for this comeback run high.
The title track of B.A.P’s 8th single album ‘EGO’ named ‘HANDS UP’ conveys the message of urging the listeners to leave behind and escape others’ opinions on themselves, and to find the real ‘Me’, expressing B.A.P’s return to their natural and original selves. In this album, there is also ‘MOONDANCE’, which is a future R&B track that has a dreamlike synth sound, and is an electronic pop song that will leave a deep impression, as well as ‘THINK HOLE’ which is a track that is characteristically of the tropical house genre in its rhythm. The tracks in the album are a peek into B.A.P’s diverse charms, and the album, on the whole, is matured and well-completed. The album will be released on the 13th at 6PM.
Source: OSEN Trans: @yooyjaes Please do not remove/use without full credits.
wheres that minho vine where hes walkin 2 gasolina

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i sleep nude because if someone ever breaks into my house they gotta fight me while im naked and i dare you to try and swing on a nigga when his dick is out
You are grade A guarenteed to get yourself hurt with this mindset? You think I’m afraid to grab a dick and yank it, bruh? You think I won’t get my hands dirty on your dick in order to end you? You got the wrong one, man—and your ass better hope I don’t have a knife.
Okay weirdly this exact situation has happened to me. It was summer so I was sleeping naked, but then I heard the lock on the front door being opened. I thought someone was breaking into my house and I had enough time to either grab my sword or my nightgown, not both.
Two things I learned.
One, sometimes apartment complexes will flat out forget to tell you they’re sending someone over from the fire department to check your fire extinguishers.
Two, no matter how bad ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.
However, the fireman was very nice about it and accepted my apology.
didn’t think it could get any better, yet here we are
Christmas List 2016
Ive been waiting for maslows hierarchy to become a meme
TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!!!!!
the baby is sleeping
oh shit sorry
turn down for what
me: *doesnt sleep, is tired*
me: *sleeps a bit, is tired*
me: *sleeps average amount, is tired*
me: *sleeps a lot, is tired*
me: *is tired*
Needed this to cheer up–
please watch with sound on
That’s Cumlord! You can find his page on Facebook!!
that’s what
WHOMST

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mdlksdfsd my fave thing is when ppl outside of florida ask “how do alligators even get in ur pools??? how do they get into ur yards???”
alligators can climb fences. they do this a lot
@ the replies - absolutely alligators can climb fences!! chain link fences are easier for them bc they can get a grip on them, but yep alligators climb fences to get into peoples pools + canals + backyards
i would like to add that alligators wont chase you/attack you unless you provoke them, but yes they absolutely climb fences and ladders and basically everything all the time
NEVER GOING TO THAT HELLSTATE
it’s hanukkah tonight so happy hanukkah for all those who celebrate it!!!!!
We keep our mouths shut y'all…smile while silently crying.
13.12.17: B.A.P COMEBACK
(click for HD)

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Things you need in 2018
B.A.P
Best Absolute Perfect
DaeHyun x All Shook Up interview