do you guys remember that cursed Saw Eurodance shitpost I wanted to make once? here it is, in all its glory: a Mark Hoffman + Cascada fancam. don't you dare take this seriously.
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many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think
what shane means: i can never love a woman in any way resembling the way i love you and when i tried she called my shit IMMEDIATELY so what im trying to say is i can't sidestep whatever we are the way you can, i will never ever love anyone but u
what ilya hears: somewhere along the line of our multi-year situationship that began with me immediately sucking ur dick, i have determined that i like men.
ilya’s pre game captain speeches are one million times funnier when you remember that him and shane let what happens on the ice decide what they’re doing in bed later
ilya [knowing that him and shane have a deal that whoever loses montreal v boston tonight is doing a strip tease for the other]: im not fucking around guys. do not. fuck this up for me
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Normally Shane doesn't meet Ilya's eyes during their face-offs.
But in the last one he not only catches his eye but he *smiles* and Ilya fucking *melts*.
Ilya knows by this point eye contact does not come naturally to Shane so seeing him actively seek it out and seem so comfortable and relaxed probably made Ilya feel all warm and fuzzy.
Ilya: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives
Shane: I wake up at 4:30 am
Ilya: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives
a really important thing to remember about shane and ilya’s sexual dynamic FOR ME is that ilya likes shane submitting to him precisely because he respects him so much
he’s literally a hollander fanboy, he calls him “perfect” numerous times, he watches in a blend of jealousy and reverence as shane beats him in every arena, he stalks him online and watches his stupid documentary, he is in complete awe of that man and so its super fucking sexy when that man drops to his knees a second after ilya tells him to or literally begs him to fuck him
and its not about putting shane in his place either, its hot because shane WANTS to do it so badly, its another form of respect in a way, respect for shane’s willingness and obedience and eagerness to please
and ive said this before but ilya one thousand percent gets off on the idea that shane is this clean cut goody two shoes golden boy and only ilya gets to know what he does behind closed doors
i dont think ilya even innately wants to dominate shane the way shane definitely wants to submit to ilya, but its sooooo hot to him that he gets to
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yes, shane and ilya totally make gingerbread houses at christmas time. here is how this came to be:
their very first christmas together as boyfriends is at the lake house
yuna and david come over on christmas eve with their arms full of candies and four sets of those pre-made store-bought gingerbread house kits and huge smiles on their faces and ilya raises an eyebrow and is like….. what is this
(it’s not that they don’t have gingerbread houses in russia obviously, it’s that ilya’s family has never once had a ounce of goofy holiday traditions like this)
and just like that, the competition is ON
shane explains to ilya that he wins every year (only child, much? ilya tries to bite back because he knows shane is a sensitive boy) and immediately gets into a long lecture about the structural integrity of putting the walls together because he is a big perfectionist nerd
yuna and david give ilya a knowing look while shane is giving this lecture, which makes ilya wink at them and obviously also makes warmth spread through his chest because yes, all three of them love this adorable idiot so much
ilya grabs the cardboard-like cookies and an icing packet and immediately squeezes the icing and fits the pieces together like it is truly no big deal
shane, on the other hand, is furrowing his brow and biting his lip in concentration and damn near sweating trying to make his house stand up
ilya thinks this is adorable
and ilya also will not let it go that his house is standing before shane’s
so of course, ilya loudly reads shane the directions on the back of the box while shane’s cheeks flush pink and he shouts “I KNOW WHAT TO DO PLEASE STOP”
ilya does not stop
he especially likes step 3 which says “erect the walls,” which makes him wag is eyebrows at shane and makes shane’s cheeks turn impossibly more red
yuna thinks this is hilarious and tells shane to take a deep breath
finally, ilya lazily swoops in and easily fits shane’s pieces together
shane is pissed, especially when his mother sweetly says “wow ilya you’re a natural! shane say thank you”
ilya raises his eyebrows at shane waiting for shane to say thank you
shane mutters “fuck off” and ilya kisses him on the cheek
now comes decorating
shane is obsessively making a mosaic of gumdrops and m&ms on the roof like he is a 16th century craftsman
ilya is exploding powdered sugar and frosting on his because he does not have patience sticking the little candies on like his perfect obsessive boyfriend
instead ilya starts popping the candies into his mouth which pisses shane off
“stop taking the colors i need!!!”
ilya does take two of the little gingerbread men and put them outside the house
“is me and you, see?”
shane thinks this is adorable
he will remind ilya of this later when they are showering together and kiss him hard
like every year, shane’s parents vote that he has won the family gingerbread house decorating competition
they insist that ilya has also won because he built shane’s house in the first place
ilya is obsessed with how this makes shane a little bit annoyed (wow, he is so adorable)
they now do this every year with yuna and david, and ilya is determined to beat shane and copies his design every time
Ilya absolutely knows how to do jump style dance !! He is so hard on the outside but baby girl on the inside let’s be fr !! As a teen after hockey practice he’d come home and shower and stuff. At night when nobody was up he’d go outside or something and practice jumpstyle dance !
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I'm relapsing on Gallavich again. I'm so not normal about this ship like so so so not normal about it at all. Coz like enemies to lovers? Check. Childhood sweethearts? Check. Grumpy x Sunshine ship? Check. Absolutely whipped for each other no matter who and what obstacle they need to face and eventually gets back together if they do end up separating because of said obstacle? Fucking check. Is there a ship who checks these many boxes that are so right up my alley? Maybe, maybe I just haven't seen them yet but until then I will keep relapsing on Gallavich like a cocaine addict. I will keep coming back to this ship like Ian and Mickey keep coming back to each other.
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