* // SHOCKER

Love~

[ Herman laughs, until he realizes it’s not a joke. ]

“And what are you doing on a good day?”

A small sigh. Quietly, she murmured to herself, “Patience, Jessica, is a virtue.” Through her goggles, her eyes met where his would be under those white circles. “You… yeah. In the historical sense. Just… to reiterate, don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

“That’s so friggin’ inconvenient, man. Who the hell has the kind of money to just up and move at a moment’s notice?” A beat. “I mean, I had that kind of money, but when you’re relyin’ on keeping a business open through customers and you keep moving without telling all the customers… how the @#?& do they stay afloat? But, yeah, I’m game. Take me to your liquor.”

“I’ve learned a small lesson in self control lately. We’re just having a friendly talk, right?”

She sighs again though this is more of a deflation than out of annoyance and she gives his arm a sympathetic squeeze. ❝   Listen, Ah get it. Probably better than a lotta people. Ah had to go through it too, Mah whole life until the X-Men then had been about mah Momma’s ideals, the Brotherhood and getting ready to take out heroes. Only reason Ah didn’t end up killing Ms Marvel is DUMB LUCK and Ah terrorized Dazzler for almost a year– N by the end a that Ah wasn’t just foolin’ Ah really wanted her dead. And that’s not even gettin’ into the crap with the Avengers that everybody likes ta bring up.  ❞ It’s– It’s not exactly a period she talks about– ever, it was a “in therapy only” topic, but it’s just the FACTS. She wasn’t a villain in name, she had genuinely been one. They’re not that different really, and frankly– it’s not as grueling to get into her ugliness with a fellow struggling (kinda exe) villain as it is with people who’ve always been heroes. Villains don’t really judge you for admitting you threw a comatose lady of a bridge when you were 16, they ACKNOWLEDGE they got their own sins.

❝   Growin’ up, the people Ah was closest too all had records, hell closest things Ah had ta friends was the other guys in the Brotherhood and my mothers.  The only reason really Ah even left ta go to Xavier’s and ended up an X-Man was I’d finally absorbed too many psyches and didn’t have any idea how to make them stop– and Xavier didn’t just take me in a student but put me on the team as well. The the X-Men they all threw a DAMN FIT, threatened to quit if Xavier didn’t throw me out on mah ass.  But what was Ah gonna do? Say no and end up on the streets a prisoner in mah own head? Or outta mah mind n helpless? Ah HATED it there and everyone HATED me, Ah wanted to die just to get out of all of it. Worse was the fact Ah actually did feel guilty thanks ta absorbin’ a damn conscience but NO ONE believed me or even really cared. Lotta good guys are hypocrites, they want ya to turn a new leaf but they don’t give ya a damn chance ta do it.  Doesn’t make it seem worth it ta do so, ‘specially when you got friends n family you’d gotta square off against. But it’s not just about them, it’s about us lookin’ out for us. Ah love Mystique ta bits even after all the hurt she’s caused me but regardless of how much Ah hated being with the X-Men Ah couldn’t go back, because Ah knew Ah couldn’t live with myself if Ah kept on like Ah was. You ain’t gotta go full hero or anything but whatever you pick you gotta make sure it’s what’s gonna let you sleep at night.    ❞

     "And I thought I went through some shit," Herman laughs, trying to inject at least a little humour into the otherwise heavy discussion. There was a lot to unpack with what Rogue shared about herself. Anything he'd done really didn't compare. No family. No real friends. No one to drag him into much more than the occasional giant monster or horde of zombies.

     "It's been a while since I've been able to sleep at night," He admits, slipping off his mask, feeling like the physical wall made the conversation less genuine, "Even... Even when I was with the Thunderbolts, doing hero work for the government. I-I didn't sleep good. Got a... Got a lot of gunk in my head, y'know? Have a lot of nightmares..."

     "I'm... I'm not like you, Rogue," Herman wrings the mask in his hands, "I don't have powers or-or family or... any real excuse for what pushed me to being the man I am. I just... I just do it because it's easy. Hell, I-- Only family I had... They should'a... Having them should'a... I should've been better for 'em, but I--" Tears well up in the corners of his eyes, and he regrets taking off his mask.

“Bombs, gunpoint, kidnapping, interdimensional alien attacks, stealing from small businesses, stealing from charity, trying to kill me, inviting dark forces to destroy New York, endangering kids or animals…”

“The list goes on, but you get the point. Jaywalking ain’t on there. I do it at least once a day.”

I’ve gotten new motivation to work a little harder. 

Y’know what? That’s okay. Just got finished with a job.

Because, like it or not, we're not all balls of sunshine all the time. We can be pure salt when we want to be.

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