We Burn Our Decency

The pairs are randomized for the same purpose. We randomized these but then got them wrong, so they were randomized twice.

Feel free to suggest next tournament themes in the asks.

Our first tournament focuses on our contenders' shitposting abilities and proclivities.

admin: @marroniere

Who is Most Likely to Ragebait on the Holonet???

As we prepare to roll out the next round, we’d like to share some observations!

The Pamular brothers would like to thank everyone who voted for the biggest ragebaiter. However, Dewi isn’t too interested in regabaiting. “The Holonet, haye? Catch themselves they won’t, the squigglies,” he said when asked for his opinion. Arvel Skeen makes it to the second round. As the old Holonet adage goes, the troll forgets, the trolled remember. 

General Draven makes it to the second round with a message he wishes to send to the Empire. “For the troop morale,” he told us. Saw Gerrera, however, is convinced that his message to the Empire will be louder and more convincing.

Speaking of messages. Perrin Fertha has mastered the subtle art of manipulating the opinions of the Core high society by sharing strategically selected holos of the Chandrilan embassy life on social media. It must run in the family, as his daughter takes after him. After venturing into her mother’s walk-in closet during yet another SpaceTok holotour of the house, Leida was grounded for a month.

While certain opinions of Senator Mothma’s might technically be considered rage-baiting by certain members of the Imperial Senate and ISB officers, she has a reputation to protect and an intern to manage her socials. So Supervisor Heert — a man of unique opinions and uncalibrated enthusiasm — wins this round. 

In fact, Supervisor Heert’s opinions have become so unique and his enthusiasm so uncalibrated that Major Partagaz banned him from appearing at official events without Supervisor Jung. This measure was followed by a ban on “posting anything on the Holonet, anything, Avril,” which we found a bit excessive. After all, it is impossible to verify the authorship of those memes about Supervisor Meero shared on the /ImperialServiceCircleJerk message board. As well as the detailed account of an affair with a married co-worker, titled “I Made Your Husband a Bottom,” that was shared on a relationship holoboard by a user named KaliCoolerBitch666.

As for Supervisor Jung, we haven’t found any traces of his social media presence. At the same time, we noticed that one antiquarian from Coruscant’s upper levels seems remarkably well-informed about the ISB Board supervisors’ lives.

Now to Davo Sculdun! As if owning a media empire wasn’t enough, the banking mogul has taken to making bold statements about his competitors during his interviews. His wife Runai told us that he enjoys reading the ensuing holonet discussions “perhaps a bit too much”. The only thing he enjoys more is reading the excerpts from a tell-all memoir that Tay Kolma occasionally publishes on SpaceBook. Some sources say that the working title is “Mothma Dearest”. 

Director Krennic, of course, has a lot to say about both the memoir and Davo Sculdun’s three-hour account of his path to success. But that debate is limited to the Core forums. The Outer Rim holonet boards are more interested in the political theorist Karis Nemik’s feud with the “bots” criticizing his manifesto “Trail of Political Consciousness”. All 3,000 comments were revealed to have been made by a reprogrammed KX-unit that was simply “trying to provide proofreading help”. “Humans are so sensitive,” he added. 

The situation in the Outer Rim holonet circles remains heated in general. The comment section of an innocuous holovid tutorial on how to wipe your droid’s memory banks, posted on a channel called Bix Can Fix It, has become a war zone. Users silent_killer and LetItRunWildXxxx have been put on the ISB watchlist: the latter for calling for the secession of Ferrix, the former for sending vague death threats to Imperial servicemen. The discussion was analyzed by another HoloTuber, SyrilAtYourService, in seven four-hour videos he shared from what appears to be his childhood bedroom. 

But even seemingly non-political themes like cooking can become inflammatory. Eedy Karn, a housewife from Coruscant, has spent the last two decades debating the only correct way to make blurrg soup. “No beans,” she explained to us when we asked to share her recipe. “My son always asks for them, but we’re not in the Outer Rim, are we? What are we, savages?”

“I don’t see the point of blurrg soup with no beans,” commented user KassaKenari. "But never mind."

And what do you think?