Bizarre = Offset

Aren’t the only definitions.

My understanding

Isn’t the only way to understand this world.

People are just monkeys,

So am I.

There’s no right

Or wrong

Or in between.

Meaning is my brain’s comfort zone

Not a real thing.

There are only two kinds of people—children and adults.

One who stands up is adult,

One who runs away and hides, needs to be saved is the child.

Adult has power over the child merely through readiness to face. And in this state of power, they decide right and wrong.

Then one day the child decides to face it,

And first thing they face is the lies given to them by an adult who just found themselves “in a spot”.

This world is massively make believe.

… and a Horse.

And that tells you enough about what it really is—ego massage. At best smartness is same thing as standard deviation in a pool of people. They may measure it through certain questions, but who’s smart and who’s idiot if the participants(all of them) lie? If 10 people couldn’t figure out something or understand something, they will seek to either discard the whole thing or find someone who gets it. So, this person is “smart” because he’s not what most are. This makes smartness a kind of foreignness. Therefore, if you seek to be smart, you merely seek to GET AWAY FROM THE NORMAL. However, the weather is real because it’s based on real forces, and it’s not rigid, it’s not one thing which someone believes it to be.

And I am allowed to take as long as I like to finalise, to feel what I seek to feel. My getting older doesn’t make me less of a person, and whoever would begin to like spending time with me would like me for whatever I would be. Looking outside for “best fit” is turning seeking company into fucking buying a shoe! It is meant to be difficult to find people who would pause to listen to you. The most fundamentally important thing is to be, to remain, and grow into self, understanding who or what you are, what are the systems around you, and how you juggle between them. Second most important thing is to want to live, go out, see things, even if it’s revolution on the streets, blood and fear everywhere. You belong to the present even when you’re not ready for it. I’m anyway losing it on abject lack o self-awareness in general, can’t just begin seeking any random person who has a certain fixed picture of reality, for the reality has “no picture”, it is definitely unique, but I can’t “show” you reality because humans can’t see beyond their “biased sensory” perception.

Annual Gut Cleansing Ritual. January 1.

Mixed media on Canvas

It needs energy to “want to discover” in a world which is almost hounding you to tell how bad everything is in all possible aspects. I have learned to accept that being in a sort of Bourgeoisie in a society like India means you’re in a bubble, and it’s better to stay there, because outside is structureless chaotic statistical phenomenon of overwhelming people crammed in a very narrow economic bracket with blatant powerlessness, defined by alms and lack of thought behind intentions behind those alms. Asking for Quality of life and certain degree of modern structure is like “first world problems” here. Anyway, with all this happening in front of us all we’re left to do is shut ourselves down. Knowledge of chaos brings anxiety which pushes us into indulgence to forget about it, and that consumes most of our energy.

Well, I deny to accept this. I live to observe, to learn, to create. This is who I am. I do all of this for myself, to validate my understanding of reality. I’m here to live my life, and I decide how I spend my day. I now have a great opportunity to recreate everything I have been in past decade. So, I start with music, 70-80% of my experience of reality from age 17-30 was just with metal blowing constantly in my ear. I surprisingly easily started to “browse Apple Music”—I play an artist, check out their album art for hours on a big ass monitor with HDR, read lyrics, learn about their roots and influences, play associated artists. It feels like a whole new world there. Why are we falling so easily for this “picture of only chaos”? It is because of news becoming a mainstream commodity, it is because too many people are traveling everywhere and too many regimes are making wars a way to strive nationalist chord and remain in power. It has happened before. It will happen again. News, however, isn’t just information, they emote, take sides, use their understanding of masses to spread panic, bought vested interest type media houses are blending in actual news; some are posing as news only because that’s where people come “prepared to learn”. Modern world is corporations using data on people’s behaviour on people themselves. This is now a snake eating its own tail. Mathematicians know this. But sadly, nobody knows mathematicians.