there she goes

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on thursday, april 9th, at around 1pm, i had to say goodbye to my best friend, my soulmate, my other half of 14 and a half years.

i knew it was coming. i managed to get another month and a half with you. not enough, but you made it to april, which in my book means you lived a long and prosperous 15 years. you have followed me through three homes. you were never the most empathetic or snuggly cat. you preferred to be close from a distance, and i was more than okay with that. when i got you, i named you selina, after catwoman. but selina also means moon, and you followed me around like a little moon everywhere. between rooms, down hallways, across three different homes. you were my little shadow, and you still are. every shadow in my home contains a trace of you. even though i don't see you anymore, i still say good morning, good night, be good to all these places.

i'm going to miss you sitting like a little statue in the middle of the room (you would always curl your tail around your front feet), or screaming at me from the kitchen doorway because you wanted shrimp, or greeting me with a wobbly meow as your trotted down the hall every time i came home.

i had to let you go before i was ready, but i was never going to be ready. when you left, you weren't in pain, or in distress, and that matters more to me than anything. just because i feel like i failed in some abstract, unexplainable way, i know that i didn't, but it's still hard to accept.

i'll miss you more than you'll ever know, my sweet little girl, my seleenie, my cranky old lady.

visit me often.