Veronica {Renee} Wells

This weekend, while women across the country and the world marched for equal rights, Keke Palmer found herself dealing with a man who simply couldn’t take no for an answer, singer Trey Songz to be specific.

Before we go any further, I should be very clear that it wasn’t a rape type situation but it was a case of a woman being exploited despite her explicit instruction. Basically, Keke Palmer was at Trey Songz’s house in Miami for a party when he started shooting scenes for the video for his song, “Pick Up the Phone.” Trey and his people asked Keke several times if she would star in it. And she declined several times. Instead of honoring her request not to be featured, it wasn’t long before a tweet revealed that she was, in fact, in the video.

Keke explained.

Keke released a video explaining exactly what happened at the party, how the situation became extremely uncomfortable and why she felt the need to hide in the first place.

A video posted by Laurennnn Palmer (@kekepalmer) on Jan 21, 2017 at 5:57pm PST

A video posted by Laurennnn Palmer (@kekepalmer) on Jan 21, 2017 at 6:26pm PST

As you might assume, it wasn’t long before Trey responded. Earlier in the day, after he celebrated the Queens marching for women’s equality, he responded to Keke’s claims.

Then for show, he tweeted a gif of Michelle Obama as if our former first lady would cosign this sh*t.

I’ll admit that I’m one of those women who is inclined to give women the benefit of the doubt, to believe her word when there isn’t clear evidence for either side. But in this instance, it’s pretty much a no-brainer. If Trey had Keke’s permission to put her in the video, he simply would have tweeted that. But he didn’t. Instead, he logged onto Twitter to say he don’t do Twitter sh*t. If he was going to break his habits and traditions, what he should have done was uploaded some receipts, i.e. a release form with her signature on it saying she agreed to be in the video. Saying she was sitting around “saw the camera and the lights, heard action” is not consent for her image to be used. And I’m sure being that she’s known Trey for so long, she didn’t think that he would violate her in this way after she specifically and repeatedly told him she didn’t want to be in the video.

If you listen to the lyrics of the song for which the video was shot, you might understand why Keke had a problem with it.

[Verse 1: MIKExANGEL] Yeah, I met that bitch at a party I swear that liquor got it started Bit tits like Dolly Excuse me, beg your pardon Yeah, I do this shit often Stone Cold like Austin What this life style costin’ And these bitches wanna see me Swear this drippin’ ain’t easy Now she sayin’ that she need me I palm her pussy like Keke Like Keke, like Keke She know I’m go act the fool with it Tell me she gon’ let my bros hit it Throwin’ that pussy, I go get it Go get it

For as much as people want to say they’re disgusted by Donald Trump and his comments about women, he’s not the only one. Perhaps this is why so many voters didn’t find his “grab her by the pussy” a disqualification of him holding the highest office in the land. Because, hell, so many men talk like that. This past weekend there were hundred of thousands of women protesting against Trump and his comments, among other things. These are the same women Trey claimed to support. Still, he lent his voice to a song like this. And wanted to force Keke Palmer to be a part of it when it was her name that was being referenced, her reputation that was on the line.

I’ve heard what people have to say about Keke Palmer these days. They have a problem with the way she dresses, the way she speaks, the way she dances, the music she releases, her extra-ness. But the point is, these are all choices she’s clearly and comfortably made for herself. And at the very end of the day, the girl has business acumen. She knew not to make a decision that could affect her brand, her image, her career at a damn house party when she’s been drinking. And just because folks see her as “wild” and attention-seeking, it doesn’t give Trey Songz or anyone else the right to dictate how they want to use her image for their commercial gain. It’s vile and a complete dismissal and disregard for her autonomy and voice as a woman.

To that point, here’s a bit of advice for you ladies out there. Beware of these Black men who will call you Queens one minute and then flip the script when you don’t do what they want. I’m not a queen to you if you don’t want me to use my voice. I’m not a queen if you try to trick or manipulate me into doing something I repeatedly told you I don’t want to do. I’m not a queen to you if you try to make money off my face, my body, my image but don’t respect my mind. It’s just that simple.

Quite a few people asked why didn’t Keke just leave the house. In the videos above she explained that her Uber was going to take too long to get there and so she felt her best course of action was to hide in a closet. Trey found her in there and assured her that if she didn’t feel comfortable, she wouldn’t be filmed. And yet, the video was released. (It’s since been removed.) What type of decency is that? Forget the man, woman, misoygnoir-ness of this whole situation, at the end of the day, according to Keke, dude is just not a man of his word. You told her one thing when you had every intention of doing the complete opposite.

And after he disrespected Keke as a woman, as a “friend,” and as a person, he wants her to be mature and handle the situation in private. You’ve got to be kidding me! They were in private when she told him she didn’t want to be in the video. They were in private when she called a Uber to get out of his house. They were in private when she hid in a closet to avoid what he ended up doing to her anyway. And now that she’s been publicly associated with a song that talks about grabbing her pussy, he wants her to call him out on your shenanigans behind closed doors. For what?! Apparently, Trey couldn’t hear Keke when she was speaking to him privately. If he had, she wouldn’t have been in the video. So it only makes sense that since the video was released publicly, she address him publicly and make him answer to the public for this violation. And aside from “she heard action,” he hasn’t been able to. The fact that the video has been removed from the internet speaks volumes. Warner Bros. probably didn’t do all of this talking, trying to get both sides of the story. They likely don’t give a damn about women’s rights. I would bet money that what they did do was ask Trey and his people for the release that contained Keke’s signature. And when they couldn’t produce it, they snatched that sh*t down. Because they don’t want these type of problems for a mediocre song, not a weekend after the women’s march. Not for a song that basically quotes our controversial new president. Hell nah.

Besides the misogyny, besides being an indecent person in this moment, Trey Songz just wasn’t smart about all of this. He’s been in the industry too long to think this was going to fly. Or perhaps he’s so accustomed to pulling stunts like this, to manipulating and tricking women into doing things they don’t want to, that he thought Keke would just take it. But he thought wrong. This is not the time, that was not the place and Keke is clearly not the one.

A large part of me wants to start this piece off with a quote from Beyoncé circa 2006, “You don lost your muthaf*#$in mind.” But then, I would be dismissed as angry. So let me be a bit more professional…or semi-professional.

Ever since Tomi Lahren sat down with Trevor Noah, where she was appropriately roasted for her racist and backward-thinking views, her name has been even more prominently featured in the pop culture discussion, this time among Black folk. After appearing on “The Daily Show,” I saw that TMZ asked her a couple of questions. Then I read that she and Noah were seen at dinner together. I read that Lahren was supposed to appear on “The Breakfast Club” to chat it up with Charlamagne and the crew. And then learned that the interview fell through when her people cancelled.

While it may sound like a sit down between Lahren and “The Breakfast Club” is a bit unusual, you will remember that Charlemagne and Tomi have history. He dubbed her Donkey of The Day for criticizing Beyoncé’s Super Bowl half time show and then again when she expressed her outrage at Colin Kaepernick’s protest. The first time Charlamagne called her out, Tomi responded and the two became acquaintances. Now, when Charlamagne says Tomi Lahren’s name he calls her his “pal.”

As all of this is going on, I was also scrolling across headlines claiming that Hot 97 DJs Ebro and Rosenberg were bashing both Noah and Charlamagne saying that their association with Lahren is “bad for the culture.” When I saw that, I thought they were being a bit dramatic. Like, perhaps they’re salty that, for better or worse, “The Breakfast Club,” has the juice right now after decades of a Hot 97 reign.

Then I saw this tweet.

And the first thing that came to my mind was da fuq?! I’m not going to lie, it was extremely disappointing and borderline hurtful. I can’t deny the fact that I love what Charlamagne is doing on the radio. In a lot of ways he’s made what plenty of people consider to be a dying form of media, relevant again. And that is hard to do. He’s in touch with the culture, he’s entertainingly—often hurtfully—honest and the words he crafts for his legendary “Donkey Of The Day” segments are beautifully written. And this is why a tweet like that is so disturbing. I appreciate Charlamagne’s contribution. I recognize the magnitude of his platform. And I know I’m not the only Black woman who feels this way. So to see him uplift Tomi Lahren, with her blonde hair, blue eyes and racist, anti-Black beliefs, as some type of pinnacle was equal parts predictable and infuriating. Another example of a Black man caping for White women at the expense of Black women.

Then again, I had to remind myself Charlamagne hasn’t exactly been the champion of Black women throughout his career. There’s only a certain type of Black woman he respects and she’s not often represented in the guests that are invited on his show. And even when she is, there are often disparaging, misogynistic comments made or she’s disregarded entirely. I wrote about this not too long ago, “The Breakfast Club” and their lack of respect for Black women. The piece certainly wasn’t received all that well. Black women and Hotep Ninjas alike accused me of being angry, stupid, not really a true fan of the show and worst of all feminist. And we all know the feminist label to a Hotep is equivalent to the antiChrist. Still, I stand by my claims, especially after reading that tweet.

How DARE Charlamagne insinuate that Black women are not using social media, podcasts, websites like this one and a slew of other avenues and arenas to be a voice? He works directly with Crissle on “Uncommon Sense.” He and Franchesca Ramsey have contractual relationships with MTV. I’m sure he’s seen her work. And I’m sorry, but did he miss the memo that the whole Black Lives Matter movement was started by three Black women and a hashtag on Twitter? If that’s not Black women using their voice to affect change, I don’t know what is.

Perhaps I’m naive and think more of Charlamagne than I should; but I have an extremely hard time believing that he doesn’t see the privilege Tomi Lahren, being White, “pretty,” young and racist, has over her Black and more woke counterparts who are trying to dismantle a White, cis-gendered, male-dominated, supremacist structure. Basically, Lahren’s voice has been amplified because she’s promoting the status quo, speaking for White men and giving them a semi, at the same damn time. And to make matters worse, Black men like him are giving her a pass, lifting her up as some type of example like it was merit and hard work alone that got her to this place. I’m not opposed to people with differing opinions coming together to discuss their views, but I don’t want to hear nothing about how we should try to emulate Tomi Lahren’s success when it only manifested through Glen Beck’s generosity and her hateful ideologies, ideologies that stand against the very antithesis to Charlamagne’s and the rest of our personhood.

Charlamagne says often on his show that in order to be successful, he aligns himself with White folks. And I always felt uncomfortable with that sentiment, thinking that at best, he said it jokingly. But now, I see that that might not be the case. He really does believe White people are the way, the truth and the life, even if these same White folks wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire… or if he didn’t host a popular radio show to expand their brands.

When Charlamagne posted that tweet, his name began trending. He spent some time clarifying his statement and retweeting the loyal fans who “knew what he meant.” And there were others, mostly women, who challenged him and his belief and those who refused to engage in any conversation where his name was at the center. After that tweet, I can certainly understand why.

At this point, I’m wondering if it’s enough to simply acknowledge that Charlamagne is problematic and stop looking expecting him to use his platform responsibly and with loyalty to the people who’ve supported him. Or is it time to acknowledge that our support of him, with beliefs and actions that have, on more than one occasion, diminished Black women, is self-mutilating.

Image via WENN

Why I Can’t Be Mad At Tiny For Dancing With Floyd Mayweather

Y’all know what they say, what’s done in the dark comes to the light. About a month ago, Tiny was in the news because she snapped a picture with Floyd Mayweather at a Mariah Carey soiree. For those who don’t keep up with the drama surrounding Tiny and her marriage to T.I., this picture was particularly problematic because T.I. and Floyd got into a bit of an altercation in Las Vegas over rumors that Mayweather and Tiny had something going on.

Being that Mayweather gets paid millions of dollars to knock people out and T.I. walked away from the ordeal without a scratch, you can assume that nothing really went down.

Still, it was messy and it made headlines. Tiny made sure to keep the convo flowing after she appeared on TMZ, explaining that she wasn’t about to tell Mariah no when she asked her to pose with Mayweather and at the end of the day, it was just a picture.

Oh, if only that were true. Not only did Tiny stand next to Floyd to take a picture, the two shared a dance together. And while the video is blurry and grainy, we can clearly make out Tiny, in her red shorts for the evening dancing with Floyd. Granted, she wasn’t bent over in his face but his legs were gapped open a little bit and it looked like Tiny wasn’t exactly avoiding stepping in between them.

A video posted by FAMEOLOUS ENT (@fameolousent_) on Nov 28, 2016 at 2:40pm PST

Floyd made sure to share this video after T.I. posted one of Kevin Hart and his other friends roasting Floyd and his father. You know, juvenile, high school ish. Either way, as a result Tiny’s name is on people’s lips for this. And while I would agree that Tiny probably shouldn’t be dancing up on another man as a married woman whose husband has had problems with Floyd, I still can’t be mad at her. Why, you ask? Because deep in my heart, I don’t feel like she and Floyd have or have ever had anything serious going on. But also because in the Urban Dictionary, next to the phrase “ride or die,” is a picture of Tiny. Y’all remember Tiny was with T.I. before he was the man we know him to be today, when she was the biggest name in the relationship. She stuck around with him while he dragged his feet marrying her, and she was there during the times (plural) when he was incarcerated and she had to take on the duties of raising their larger than average family by herself. Not only did she hold it down at home, she did her best to manually please her man when she visited him in prison. And if that weren’t more than enough for any woman, she’s stood by T.I. while rumor after rumor after rumor of his affairs and even children have popped up.

I could spend time arguing about how true they are. But I think her song, “Cut It Off,” with lyrics like, “It ain’t nothing to cut that dick off,” explain exactly what’s been going on. And let’s not forget “What The F@#k You Gon Do.” Ish is autobiographical.

Today, when the news was all over the blogs, it wasn’t Tiny who chimed in to defend herself. It was her friend who reminded folks how loyal Tiny has been over the years.

A photo posted by Glam University (@theglamuniversity) on Nov 29, 2016 at 8:21am PST

And if you want to know what Tiny thinks about those posts, don’t ever wonder. She liked the both of them.

In an ideal world, would T.I. and Tiny go tit for tat in their disrespect for each other? Nah. But after all she’s put up with and is likely still enduring, she’s entitled to a little two step.

Cardi B. is something like a polarizing figure. You either love her or hate her. Still, whether you’re a fan or can’t stand her, there’s something about Cardi B. that makes you want to watch. And when people see her making her next move, there is often a visceral reaction. When Vibe Viva released the most recent digital cover featuring Cardi B. in her grandmother’s kitchen, it wasn’t the image that had people in their feelings, it was the words, one word in particular. Feminist. They didn’t like that Cardi B. referred to herself as one. And when people landed in the comment sections and on Instagram with their dissension it wasn’t long before Cardi had a response for them.

YAAA Sooo AGGY

A video posted by Cardi B Official IG (@iamcardib) on Nov 16, 2016 at 10:02am PST

“If you believe in equal rights with men and women that makes you a feminist. I don’t understand how you b*tches feel like being a feminist is a woman that have a education, that have a degree. That is not being a feminist! You discouraging a certain type of woman…That definitely doesn’t make you one. And some bitches want to act like you have to read a book about feminists. No you do not! The problem is being a feminist is something so great. And y’all don’t want me to be great but too bad. Because at the end of the day, I’ma encourage any type of woman. You don’t have to be a woman like me for me to encourage and support you and tell you, ‘Yes b*tch, keep on going.’ And that’s why you f*cking mad, you little dusty a$$ b*tch.”

I know some people get caught up with language and they can’t receive the general message. I’ve never been one of those people. I recognize truth, even if it’s buried in obscenities. Others suggest that there’s a bit of cognitive dissonance in Cardi’s diatribe. She refers to women as b*tches, in both endearing and condemning ways and there are those who would argue that the use of said word, in either instance, is particularly un-feminist. I’m not exactly fond of the word b*tch either. But I understand why some women use it. I love the n word and there are those who can’t understand that either. To each their own.

Furthermore, Cardi B is only 24-years-old. There may come a day when the word no longer works for her. When I was younger, my word was h*e. Everybody was one. My friends, my enemies, myself. I read my diaries from back in the day and cringe. But thankfully, I outgrew that phase. But even if Cardi uses the word b*tch until the day she dies, I don’t believe it detracts from her message. It’s one she’s obviously embraced. And that’s her choice.

The message, now that we’ve gotten past the word, is what is so crucial.

For the life of me, I can’t understand all the divisiveness among feminists, the arguing about whether or not it’s for this type of woman or that type of woman. The contemplation of being one if you take your clothes off or sleep in a business suit. Are you a real one if you capitalize the B in bell hooks? Are you for or against Amber Rose’s slut walk? At the end of the day, the question is about whether or not you believe men and women should be treated equally in society. Granted, there will be those who believe differently about how that should be executed, but that’s life. I’m a Christian but I have fundamentally different beliefs from the people protesting outside of abortion clinics who call themselves by the same name.

People are different. Women are different. And we don’t all have to believe and behave in the same ways to recognize that we want to be treated equally in society. So, more power to Cardi B. As a former stripper, she has a background some will never approve of, she uses words that will make your auntie’s ears bleed, but when it comes to this feminist thing, she gets it. And there’s no reason to be mad about that.

Usain Bolt’s name is in the headlines today. Not for his athletic ability but for the way he’s responded to some relationship drama. You may remember shortly after the Olympics in Rio, Bolt was seen with a few women who were not his longtime girlfriend, Kasi Bennett.

Not only was he seen partying with one woman. There were photos of him kissing another. And then there was the last one, the one no one could ignore. It was him in bed with a Brazilian woman.

As you can imagine, there was plenty of discussion about Bolt’s fidelity and whether or not his relationship with Bennet, who Bolt calls his “First Lady,” would continue. But after weeks of wondering, Usain posted a picture that seemed to slam any speculation of a breakup.

The picture, though it got people talking, didn’t address whether or not Usain cheated. It did confirm that the couple didn’t break up. And recently, in an interview with GQ, Bolt seemed to explain why his relationship with Kasi is able to withstand his philandering and why the rest of the world is needlessly pressed. Basically, it comes down to a lack of cultural understanding.

Bolt: “The British press is always trying to make me out to be this bad guy who loves women and how all I do is women and stuff.”

GQ: Why are you a bad guy if you love women?

Bolt: “I was telling this English press guy,” he says by way of response. “You can’t judge a different culture by your own culture. In England when you get famous the first thing you do is get married and have kids. In Jamaica it’s different—like my parents had me and they got married 11 years later.”

“In Jamaica, we wine on each other. It’s our culture. People see it the first time, they’re like, What is going on? It’s like they’re having sex in the club! No, that’s just the culture. It’s how we are.”

Basically, that’s how Jamaicans get down. Don’t worry about it. I read the tweets about Usain’s words and rolled my eyes. As a woman of Jamaican descent, I knew there was some truth to them. And wondered if this was worth me writing about. There are so many examples of men in my own family operating under Bolt’s rationale of “The culture made me do it.”

Still, there was a part of me that rolled my eyes because the statement is not true for all Jamaican people. That’s Jamaican male culture…(some of the men.) And while some women accept it, completely unbothered; more often than not, the Jamaican women connected to these womanizing men spend too much of their life feeling betrayed and embittered. I know that too from the Caribbean women who share a story similar to the one Usain shared about his own parents. I know that from my own Jamaican family. I, shameless plug, wrote a whole book about it. And while men, Jamaican and otherwise, might regard it as a part of their culture and their nature to be “out here.” They’re not accounting for the feelings they hurt and the humiliation they cause for not only the women but the children that are born of these numerous relationships.

Some might argue that Usain’s girlfriend is not one of the women who has a problem with his womanizing. They may assume that because she decided to stick around that she’s completely fine with her boyfriend not only sleeping with other women but the entire world knowing about it.

I wouldn’t be so quick to make that assumption.

While Bolt’s half-sister said that Kasi was likely accustomed to her brother’s behavior, her activity on social media sent a different message. After the compromising images of Usain and his temporary boo appeared online, a woman tweeted:

“@usainbolt you traded your life with a #goddess @kasi_b for a one night fling with someone who ill never even come close. I can’t.”

The tweet was far from viral but Kasi was one of the hundred something people who liked it. That doesn’t sound like a woman who’s cool with her arrangement, even if it’s one she agreed to. She may have accepted Usain not being faithful to her. But perhaps she wasn’t accustomed to seeing photographic evidence of his stepping out. And I’m sure she wasn’t prepared for the world commenting on the nature of her relationship.

Bolt’s half-sister, Christine Bolt-Hylton, was one of the people who had something to say. In an interview with The Mirror, she insisted that the her brother and Kasi wouldn’t break up. And then she took it a step further by saying she doesn’t believe anything happened with Bolt and the Brazilian woman who was in bed with him. She chalked it up to his willingness to take pictures with his fans. Perhaps what was most telling and drastically different from Usain’s own words was her complete denial that Usain was cheating based on his moral convictions.

“Usain doesn’t believe in cheating. Normally when we speak he says he is against stuff like that. He has never done this before as far as I know. When he was much younger he was popular with the girls but from whiny they have been together he hasn’t done anything like that. He would never cheat. He was brought up by his parent never to do such things. He was brought up in a Christian home and his mother doesn’t support that lifestyle. So I don’t think he would every cheat.”

I’m sure his mother doesn’t support that lifestyle, waiting, over a decade after the birth of their child, to get married. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knows something about said lifestyle. Her son’s words make it seem like she might.

It’s painfully clear that Christine was covering for her brother in the media. Some will argue that’s the right thing to do as his sister. I don’t agree. That’s the type of enabling that has led so many men to believe their actions are acceptable. But that’s another topic for another day. The question I want to ask is, if infidelity in romantic relationships were such a time-honored staple in Jamaican culture, what was the point in her offering a rationalization? It would just be what it is. She would have said what her brother told GQ instead of trying to dismiss it with Christianity and turning a blind eye to some pretty incriminating pictures.

The point is, there are quite a few traditional and commonly accepted male behaviors that men think are cultural. They think they are so ubiquitous that the women in their lives just have to be okay with them. Like lesser pay for equal work or men legislating whether or not a woman should have the right to get an abortion. Hell, even our President-elect’s “locker room talk” has been dismissed as cultural. But culture is just not a good enough excuse anymore for disregarding, diminishing and degrading women, especially if that woman is one you claim to love.

Surely by now, you’ve seen and heard Lil Wayne’s comments about the Black Lives Matter Movement in an upcoming “Nightline” interview with Lindsey Davis. If you haven’t, I implore you to take a look at them below.

I’d strongly suggest you watch the video so you can get the vibe that was in the room. But if you can’t, read the transcript of this portion of the interview below.

Lindsey Davis: What’s your thought on Black Lives Matter?

Lil Wayne: What is that? What do you mean?

Davis: The idea was that there’s this movement called Black Lives Matter thinking that the rest of America didn’t seem to understand that, that Black Lives Matter.

Lil Wayne: That just sounds weird. I don’t know that you put a name on it. It’s not a name. It’s not “whatever whatever.” It’s somebody got shot by a policeman for f*cked up reason. I am a young, Black, rich m*therf*cker. If that don’t let you know that America understand Black m*therf*ckers matter these days, I don’t know what it is. That man White, he filming me. I’m a n*gga. I don’t know what you mean man. Don’t come at me with that dumb sh*t, ma’am. My life matter, especially to my b*tches. winks at the camera.

Davis: Do you feel though, connected to…

Lil Wayne: I don’t feel connected to a damn thing that ain’t got nothing to do with me. If you do, you crazy as sh*t. You. Not the camera. You. Feeling connected to something that ain’t got nothing to do with you. If it got nothing to do with me, I ain’t connected to it.

I’ll dissect his comments later but what makes them even more interesting is that, they’re in direct contrast to the ones he made on stage just this past summer in New Orleans.

At his annual homecoming show, the Lil Weezyana Festival, Wayne told his audience,

“We are Black America. Black Lives Matter! Hoes don’t matter. Cars don’t matter. Nothing else matter cuz Black Lives Matter, b*tch.”

So what happened from that stage in Louisiana to the sit down interview with Lindsey Davis? It’s confusing. And that was the only word I could think of that described the reaction I felt after watching those two videos. I watched them in the order I presented them above. First Lil Wayne saying he’s not connected to the movement, and then the video of him instructing the crowd to scream it out while he hopped around on stage. I knew I wanted to write about these videos because I think it’s an important conversation we need to have about artist activism, or lack thereof, and responsibility to the community that has supported their work, in the case of Lil Wayne, for decades now. He talks about being a rich, Black m*therf*cker. Black people, the same ones who are being innocently killed, are the ones who put him there. So maybe confusion wasn’t the only word to describe what I was feeling. There was anger and disappointment there too. How dare Lil Wayne get on a mainstream show like ABC and say something so reckless, so detrimental? Not only how dare he, how could he? While some might argue I shouldn’t give too much credence to Lil Wayne’s words, I was racking my brain trying to figure out how he came to the conclusion that he, a Black man, was not connected to the notion that Black Lives Matter. For a minute, I remembered Toya Wright’s recent Breakfast Club interview, where she spoke, briefly about Lil Wayne and his eccentricities. She told the crew that Lil Wayne is completely disconnected from the world around him. So a lot of the news that many of us can’t seem to avoid, Lil Wayne has never even heard.

Charlemagne: What do you think about his comments about racism don’t exist? Toya: Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a ignorant comment coming from a Black man. But then again, me knowing Wayne, he didn’t mean nothing by that. DJ Envy: I don’t think that’s ignorant. That’s his true feeling. That’s how he felt. Toya: No, no, no. Because it’s so much going on in the world, it comes off as a very ignorant comment coming from a Black man because it does exist. But in Wayne’s world… y’all have to understand Wayne have his own world he live in. A White man saved Wayne’s life, he almost died. So in his world, it doesn’t exist because he could be dead and you wouldn’t even know Lil Wayne right now. Because all his fans are predominately *points to her palm* White. His skateboard friends, his fans musically, a White guy saved his life. He not in tune with what’s going on in everyday life. So you can’t take what he say… And then he don’t do a good job explaining his mind. He lives somewhere else, I promise you…He don’t know nothing…Like about the killings with the Black…he not…he lives under a rock.”

I considered Toya’s words for a minute. They make sense but they still weren’t good enough for me. Many of us have been the benefactors of White folks’ kindness but that doesn’t mean we have to ignore the plight of our people and the fact that racism is still a very real problem. And if it affects the poor and middle class Black folks, it should be a problem for the rich, Black m*therf*ckers too.

Aside from his disconnection, the way he spoke to Ms. Davis was also an issue for me. I remember when Lil Wayne sat down with Katie Couric. And every response to her was “Yes, Miss. Katie.” “No, Miss Katie.” “I’m a gangster Miss Katie.” But with Davis, he alludes to her being “crazy as sh*t.” With the composure she maintained, while being insulted, she didn’t deserve that.

With such inconsistencies in behavior, in both his treatment of interviewers and his thoughts on Black Lives Matter, you have to wonder what’s going on with Lil Wayne mentally. The first thing that came to mind was his drug use. In the interview, his eyes looked glazed over. His movements are erratic. In discussing this with Brande, our managing editor, this morning, I asked, “The drugs are doing all that? The codeine is that strong?” For those of you who don’t know, Wayne has a pretty well-publicized addiction to lean, syrup, etc. Basically, a mixture of cough medicine with alcohol. I watched his documentary a couple of years ago and one of his closest friends and business associates spoke at length about Wayne’s reliance on the drug and the attempts he’s made to get him sober. The rapper is famous for asking why people are concerned about what’s in his cup. I didn’t have to do much research to discover that prolonged use of codeine does indeed slow the brain.

The conversation with Brande turned to Lil Wayne’s artistry. She mentioned that during our Election 2016 taping, Michaela Angela Davis mentioned that Lil Wayne sounded so clear, so lucid on Solange’s A Seat at the Table. In fact, his feature on the song “Mad” is one of the few verses where I’ve heard Lil Wayne rap so introspectively, not only about her anger issues, but his attempt at suicide, and even the funny looks and anger his being a rich m*therf*cker seems to elicit from White folk.

Yeah, but I, got a lot to be mad about Got a lot to be a man about Got a lot to pop a xan about  I used to rock hand-me-downs, and now I rock standing crowds But it’s hard when you only Got fans around and no fam around And if they are, then their hands are out And they pointing fingers When I wear this f*cking burden on my back like a m*therf*cking cap and gown Then I walk up in the bank, pants sagging down And I laugh at frowns, what they mad about? Cause here come this m*therf*cker with this mass account That didn’t wear cap and gown Are you mad ’cause the judge ain’t give me more time? And when I attempted suicide, I didn’t die I remember how mad I was on that day Man, you gotta let it go before it get up in the way Let it go, let it go.

Sadly, Brande mentioned that his feature on Jeezy’s album didn’t have that same level of clarity. And while he was more mentally sound in the verse for Solange, he still spoke about drug use and depression and anger so deep it made him want to take his life. So maybe we’re asking too much of Lil Wayne. If Wayne is not in the best space psychologically, he might not even be the best person to ask about Black Lives Matter. With the challenges he’s facing internally, maybe taking on the weighty plight of his community, the Black community, is too much to ask right now. And while it was disappointing to hear. And while I know there are already racist White folks using his words against the movement, perhaps I’d been trying to answer the wrong question. Instead of worrying about how Lil Wayne’s thoughts on Black Lives Matter and how he could speak against it, I should have been asking myself what value does Lil Wayne place on his own Black life?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days.” You can follow her on Facebook and Twitter @VDubShrug.

Earlier this year, singer Lalah Hathaway caused a bit of stir when she appeared on Instagram wearing an Alpha Phi Alpha hat. She did so to honor her late father Donny Hathaway. And while you would think that someone honoring a deceased parent would be a subject too sacred and too sensitive to condemn, it didn’t stop a number of Alphas from flying into Lalah’s comments to politely tell her to delete the picture, out of respect for the letters and the organization they worked so hard to join. It wasn’t a fight I understood. It wasn’t a fight my father, an Alpha man, understood.

I found the whole discussion frustrating and insightful. Frustrating because the discussion seemed futile and counterproductive when there are so many other causes and issues the Alphas and every other Greek organization could be lending their voices toward. And insightful because it’s always interesting to see what people get crunk about.

And in the instance of this past Halloween, what people don’t get crunk about.

For Halloween, a White woman decided to dress like a Que.

I first stumbled across the image on Feminista Jone’s Twitter page. Not only did she post the offender in her costume, she included a conversation between a Black man and woman about the costume.

Let’s zoom in for a closer look:

BM: Well it’s not blackface

BW: I’m picturing that discussion among her and her friends.

BM: Yea me too. Also she could be dating a Que. yes it’s wrong but I’m Not mad at that…now blackface that’s NEVER OK!

BW: For me neither is ok. Just my opinion.

BM: I respect that.

Then, Feminista included this image.

The implications are clear. Black woman wears the letters to pay tribute to her father, a legend in the community, and she gets dragged on social media. A White woman dressed as a Greek for kicks and giggles and it’s totally fine, because you know her man might be a Que. So she’s cool. I went back and forth about whether or not I should write this story. After all, this was just one Black man. Still, it was interesting that I hadn’t heard anything about this woman from the Greeks. I decided to find where the picture was originally posted and see if the conversation was more lively over there. I did find the picture on the Black Greeks Nation page.

And funny enough, the comments over there, seemed to mirror the ones highlighted in Feminista Jones’ tweet.

“this hella funny. Can’t even be made lmao.”

“is she dating a Que? That to me is the only thing that would make it okay.”

“At least he didn’t let her wear his letters.”

The people who expressed the most offense were Black women. Even a Latina woman jumped in with some perspective and insider knowledge on the costume and the woman behind it.

If a Latina woman knows this is wrong, why in the hell were so many Black men, Greek and non Greek alike, so willing to laugh this one off? If Lalah was berated for wearing a hat when she knows what this organization was about, why did this woman get applauded because she didn’t put on Blackface? I don’t care if she married a Que and had his firstborn son after he was declared impotent, there is nothing that excuses a White woman wearing this as a costume. And anyone who even an inkling of the Divine Nine’s history and the reasons and necessity of their existence wouldn’t have even dared. And if she had, her Que boyfriend or someone else should have been there to tell her “Nah.” I’ve seen people scolded for far less when it came to imitating the Divine Nine. Hell, people practically tore Fantasia a new a$$hole when she posted a picture of an actual Delta and said she wanted to be a part of the organization. And as a Black woman, this is an organization she could very well become a part of. This White woman can never be a Que–for at least two reasons. I don’t want to pull the cultural appropriation card on Halloween; but this is, at the very least, ignorant.

Again, there are bigger fish to fry in the Greek as well as the Black community. And I could understand folks letting this slide, if everyone got a pass for mocking or imitating Divine 9 organizations. But when people can’t even honor their deceased relatives with the letters and a White girl can wear all the paraphernalia as a costume for Halloween, something just ain’t right.

If it’s not Lena Dunham, it’s Amy Schumer. Somehow, in alternating weeks, one of these ladies finds themselves in the midst of a racially-tinged controversy. This week it’s Amy’s turn. Recently, the triple threat released a parody video of Beyoncé’s “Formation” on Tidal, interestingly enough. I use the word parody lightly because a parody usually seeks to use an existing work to either send a different message or highlight something comical about the original work. And Schumer’s tribute to “Formation,” did none of that.

Instead, Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn smeared dirt and grime all over themselves, mussed their hair, wore tattered clothing and lip synced a few of the original words to “Formation.” Raven Goodwin, from “Being Mary Jane,” Joan Cusack and Wanda Sykes were also in the video. Personally, after learning of all the commotion, I watched it this morning like this:

I was not shocked or surprised. I was not appalled or offended. I was not tickled or entertained. I felt nothing.

Still, when it was released, the video caused all types of ire. #AmySchumerGottaGoParty started trending. And it wasn’t long before folks accused Amy of everything from co-opting Black culture to being flat out racist.

The backlash was swift. And later in the day, Schumer responded to the criticism with a quote from the song.

Her response was bleh. But honestly, I don’t know if there’s much more we should expect from Amy. She’s proven time and time again that she just doesn’t get it. And doesn’t really want to. Personally, I didn’t find the video racist. I found it completely uninspired and unnecessary. Aside from sparking a conversation about culture, appropriation and White privilege, it didn’t add anything.

And make no mistake, this is an example of White privilege. White people, in every arena in life, are consistently celebrated for mediocrity. When they discover land that was already inhabited by indigenous people of color, their names go down in history books and they’re given holidays. When White musicians steal music that Black folks created and are more commercially successful, they’re inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When White women start altering their lips and butts to mirror the very features that have been denigrated on Black women, they appear on the cover of magazines.

Just last week, we wrote about Deuntay Diggs, a police officer who performed the choreography to “Formation” at what looked like a school pep rally. And he absolutely killed the performance. It wasn’t a parody, he was dead serious. He came, he slayed and he conquered. But his video wasn’t featured on Tidal, like Amy’s was. We can argue that Amy has a bigger platform, more connections and what not. And even though all of that is the gospel truth, it still doesn’t mean that she should have been allowed to debut this on Tidal. For what?

Not only is it extremely old in the context of pop culture; (You’ll remember that “Formation” was released in February.) again, it added nothing. It didn’t make us look at “Formation” in a new way. She didn’t remix the song with new lyrics, like the cast of SNL did so brilliantly with Beyoncé’s “Sorry.” She really didn’t even add too much choreography. I honestly, don’t understand the purpose of this video, other than trying to take the work Beyoncé and her team did and copy it, wearing trailer park garb. What was the point? What was the take away? There was none. In all the other missteps and controversies associated with Schumer, I can at least see what she was trying to do, the joke she was trying to make, the conversation she was trying to start. With this, it just reads like another White person using Black art to get some attention. And in a twisted way, it worked.

When I first saw the words rape and Nate Parker in the same sentence I thought he was speaking on the Stanford rape case or some other infamous rape case. I figured since the story was being tweeted about, he’d probably said something side-eye worthy. After all, it wouldn’t have been the first time.

But when I clicked to see the “ridiculous comments” he made, not only did I find the comments I was looking for, I also noticed that the rape case folks were talking about, was Nate’s.

In case you missed it, over the weekend Ashley Monae wrote about a 1999 rape case against the actor, writer and director. But I’ll summarize quickly. According to Variety, in 1999 Parker was a student and wrestler at Penn State University when he and his friend Jean Celestin were accused of raping a 20-year-old, fellow student in Parker’s apartment. Both Parker and the woman acknowledged that they had consensual sex with each other before. But the young woman said that, on the night of the assault, she was unconscious and did not consent to have sex with either Parker or Celestin.

According to court documents, which I encourage you to read, Parker was eventually acquitted of the charges based on the fact that he and the alleged victim had had sex on a previous occasion. Celestin though was found guilty and sentenced to 6-12 months in prison. The mandatory sentence for rape at the time was 3-6 years but the judge departed from that sentence because of the letters that were written on Celestin’s behalf, some of them from officials at the university.

Celeste applied for a retrial and in 2005, the case was thrown out because the young lady did not want to testify again.

The rape is troubling enough. But it’s what happened afterward that is also disturbing. In these same court documents, after they were accused, arrested and then released, the university took no action against Parker and Celestin except suspending them from the wrestling team. According to the alleged victim’s report, Parker and Celestin “began an organized campaign” to harass her. The two hired a private investigator who showed a photo of the young woman to students on campus, asking for information about her. In doing so, the private investigator exposed her identity to her peers and her alleged rape was publicized. As a result, the young woman became a target on campus and was no longer able to eat or socialize in public areas.

Not only that, she accused both Parker and Celestin of standing outside her classrooms and following her to her dorm. They enlisted the help of their friends to direct sexual epithets toward her as she matriculated throughout campus. Though she reported the incidents to the University and campus police, they took no action. After attempting suicide on at least two different occasions, the woman dropped out of school. She went on to sue the university and was awarded $17,500 in a settlement.

Parker and Celestin went on to write, direct, star in and produce an award-winning film that secured a huge budget from Fox Searchlight.

And I know y’all read Parker’s comments before, but I think they’re so interesting they bear repeating.

He told Variety:

“Seventeen years ago, I experienced a very painful moment in my life. It resulted in it being litigated. I was cleared of it. That’s that. Seventeen years later, I’m a filmmaker. I have a family. I have five beautiful daughters. I have a lovely wife. I get it. The reality is” — he took a long silence — “I can’t relive 17 years ago. All I can do is be the best man I can be now. My life will be examined and put under the microscope in ways that it never has. There are numerous things that are surfacing, but I’ve always been an open book. I’m an advocate of justice. I’m an older man. I’ve matured a lot. I’ve had many obstacles in my life. I grew up very poor. My father passed away. There are so many things that happened. At the same time, I am the man that I am. I am open to the scrutiny. I will never hide anything from my past.”

And then, as a bit of a rationalization.

“Look at it through the context of 17 years,” he said. “It was a very painful for everyone who went through it. What I learned through 17 years of growth and having children and having a wife and building a family is that we have to fight for what’s right. We have to lead in love.”

I can’t be the only one who finds his comments odd. If I were accused of something I didn’t do, I would say, vehemently, that I didn’t do it. I mean, being cleared by this country’s justice system isn’t all that telling. George Zimmerman was cleared. Darren Wilson was cleared. The Stanford swimmer, a rapist, was basically cleared. And while the aforementioned people all posess the “get-out-of-jail-free” card that is Whiteness, the same privilege is often extended to men, regardless of race, when it comes to rape cases. The crime is just not taken or prosecuted seriously. There are thousands of rape kits that go untested. There are far too many judges who ignore mandatory sentencing mandates when it comes to sexual assault. Even police officers try to intimidate or insinuate to women reporting their rapes that there was something they’d done to deserve their assault. Hell, some of the police officers are the ones raping these women.

That’s not enough.

Furthermore, Parker mentioned the number 17, five times as if the passage of time was a rationalization for something. “Look at it through the context of 17 years.” I’m sorry what does that mean? Rape 17 years ago is still rape. Its affects don’t have an expiration date. It affects people more than people may know or understand. In 2012, the alleged victim took her own life, at 30-years-old, leaving behind a son.  In an interview with Variety, her brother Johnny said that he watched his sister’s life slowly crumble after the 1999 incident. He placed quite a bit of blame on Penn State’s handling of the situation but also spoke about the justice system at that time. “He may have litigated out of any kind of situation. My position is he got off on a technicality… I think by today’s legal standards, a lot has changed with regards to universities and the laws in sexual assault,” he said. “I feel certain if this were to happen in 2016, the outcome would be different than it was. Courts are a lot stricter about this kind of things. You don’t touch someone who is so intoxicated–period.”

Parker mentions growth and maturity as if there was indeed something he needed to grow and mature from. He says he’s an advocate of justice and believes in leading with love. But what does that mean in the context of the question at hand?

The part that tripped me out the most was “I can’t relive 17 years ago. All I can do is be the best man I can be now.”  What does that mean? If there were no crime committed, what exactly would he need to relive?

And then, I wonder how he and Celestin were able to move on as partners. By Parker’s logic, since Celestin was found guilty, it must mean he did indeed rape the young woman. How was he able to continue working with a convicted rapist? But forget that. We know that at one point or another, Parker and this woman did have consensual sex. They’ve both admitted that much. So Parker didn’t have an issue with his current partner sleeping with the very same woman he had? All of it is just strange.

And Fox Searchlight knew Parker’s comments were strange. It’s the reason that they’ve altered the way The Birth of a Nation is being promoted. They initially planned for Parker to speak at churches and colleges to drum up buzz for the film. Now, they’re taking a “hold off” approach. And Parker is no longer doing press for the film. Because while Parker said he is not ashamed of his past, he certainly didn’t handle the questions well. And in the meantime, Fox is waiting. Waiting to see if people care about the rape and death of a woman from 17 years ago.

As for the victim’s brother, he believes the decision of whether or not the movie should be supported is “up to the people.” Johnny said, “I don’t think a rapist should be celebrated. It’s really a cultural decision we’re making as a society to go to the theater and speak with our dollars and reward a sexual predator.” 

There was a third man who left the apartment after he realized what was going on. You can read his account of the evening below.

You can also read an unknowingly taped phone conversation between Nate and the woman here. 

Enchanting and refined with a lewd sense of humor and a smart mouth, my grandmother “Constantine” and I were meant to be together. This may seem obvious, considering we are biologically related; but we all have family members we neither like nor understand, so it’s important that when we do establish these profound kinships, whether blood-related or not, we nurture and celebrate them. Before I even came into this world, my grandmother and I shared a bond. Months before I was born, she had a dream about me. In the dream, my great-grandmother, Grace Ann, visited and showed her a baby, wearing pink standing in a crib. Grace Ann told her that after I was born, she should rub my chest with Vicks Vapor Rub every night.

When I finally got here, two weeks overdue, I was diagnosed with asthma. And my grandmother did what her mother had instructed. I can’t be sure what type of role the Vicks played in my eventual outgrowing of the asthma; but I’m certain the nurturing touch of my grandmother’s hands and the restorative intent behind their work, laid the foundation for the spiritual connection we still share today, over a decade after her death.

Up until I began writing this book, I couldn’t understand why my great grandmother would care enough about me to send messages from the grave. It hit me as I was attempting to describe my her for this book. I was ready to write about her being strong and self sufficient, a woman ahead of her time. But as I was typing those things something told me that just wasn’t true. In the only picture I’ve ever seen of my great grandmother, her back is slightly bent and she has a far off look of acquiesce in her eyes. If this woman couldn’t even stand up straight in a rare photograph, I knew she wasn’t standing upright in the other moments of her life either. As I was thinking all of those things, that’s when I realized I am the one who’s supposed to share she and her daughter’s story. With each generation, the women in my family become more bold, more confident, more comfortable in who they are and what they contribute to this world. We walk with our heads just a little bit higher and our backs a little bit straighter. My great grandmother was an uneducated, Black woman living in Kingston, Jamaica in the late 1800s and early 1900’s. Married to a philanderer, raising five children on his salary alone, I’m sure there was a lot she tolerated. I know there was a lot she didn’t like but came to simply accept as her lot in life. And I’m sure swallowing her ambition, accepting what others thought she deserved, took a toll on her.

Constantine admired her mother, Grace Ann, but she often used words like “timid,” “quiet” and “nervous” to describe her. Today, those words don’t describe any of the women my grandmother raised. And that change, that shift started with Constantine. By the time I was old enough to really start knowing my grandmother, I perceived her as strong, determined, virtually unshakeable, and fiesty. It was the reason she, with all of her spunk, was her mother’s favorite child. And even though, my grandmother went farther and did more than what my great grandmother could have imagined, she found herself in a marriage shockingly similar to her mother’s. What I didn’t realize as a child was that there was a process to her becoming the woman I knew her to be. And even in all of her strength, she was still just a woman, with flaws and moments of weakness. And while her mother accepted being regarded as somehow inferior, there was something in my grandmother’s spirit that knew it wasn’t right. And thankfully, she taught her daughters to expect and only accept better treatment.

And whether it was her intention or not, she taught me the same. When I was a little girl, I had no idea that the stories my grandmother shared with me, before we went to sleep, would one day lead to this book. I just knew that her stories were fascinating, often unbelievable. They were so good that even when my grandmother started to forget things, she chose to lose her short term instead of long term memory to preserve these stories just a little bit longer.

If my grandmother were still living, she would be…a little apprehensive that I was sharing the intimacies of her life. But I also know that she’d want the truth of her story to be told, to inspire and encourage other women who might be in similar predicaments. So, I believe her spirit is at peace with this. I tell these stories to honor both she and Grace Ann, to complete my mission as their daughter, to share this with my family and to pass their legacy on to the next generation of women.

This week on Did Y'all See, the ladies discuss Gabby Douglas' Olympics criticism, Kirk Franklin's relationship advice and a special 'We See You' featuring MadameNoire's very own Veronica Wells! Tune in and be sure to share your thoughts below!

Earlier this week, I saw the sign that a group of Black women painted a message to Black men.

It reads:

Dear Black Men,* [Cisgender and Straight]

-While you’re busy Not fighting for us, Remember that You’re killing us too!

The hung this portion of it from an overpass on a highway. But there was more.

For Korryn Gaines.


For Skye Mockabee.


For Joyce Quaweay. 


For Dee Whigham.


For all Black women and femmes.” ‪

#‎WearetheRevolution‬
‪

#‎NoRevolutionWithoutUs‬
‪

#‎SetitOff‬ ‪

#‎BlackFuture‬

We hung this over the highway today to remind Black cisgender-straight men of the truth. You don’t shut shit down for us when we’re murdered by the police, by this system, or by our community. While you spend all this time justifying our deaths, don’t forget that you’re on the list of things we fear the most. The biggest threat to black women and femmes safety is not just white and non-Black people, it’s you. We are the revolution. 
And you can’t silence us anymore. This is just the beginning. This will no longer be a conversation we “keep in the house” because you can’t be trusted to hear us, protect us, humanize us, or love us. We’re dedicated to airing out all of our intra-community violence laundry until shit changes. Fuck white people hearing our problems, this isn’t about their voyeurism! This about our lives and our safety! We ain’t fighting for y’all no more until you stop killing us and until you start centering the violence, trauma, and pain we suffer by antiblack misogynistic violence. This is a new Black future.

Shackelford wrote this letter after she noticed the lack of response from Black men during the recent killing of mother Korryn Gaines. As you know, Gaines was killed in her home during a standoff with police. Her son was somewhere in the home with her when the shooting took place and was wounded. Many dismissed Gaines as crazy or deserving of her death, even though it was a few ticket violations that led the police to her house in the first place.

Perhaps, Shackelford wasn’t just speaking about Black men as a group, perhaps she was even addressing the Black man who was in Gaines’ home when the police initially showed up. He fled the scene with her youngest child.

We don’t have to discuss the truth behind Shackelford’s words. I’ve seen and heard of countless marches dedicated to the Black men who have been killed at the hands of police. They’re widely publicized, the talking heads come out. The hashtag pops. And Black men defend the victim publicly and privately. But Korryn didn’t get that same treatment. Rekia didn’t get that same treatment. And even marches for Sandra Bland, perhaps the most well-known and well publicized death of a Black woman at the hands of police, had poor turnout.

Furthermore, when Black women try to present an issue that directly affects us in our daily lives, often at the hands of Black men, i.e. domestic violence, rape and sexual assault, we are demonized and dismissed. Much the same way the media and racists dismiss the victims of police brutality.

Like I said, I saw this story yesterday and I nodded my head. “Yup, true.” But I didn’t think to write about it until I saw it posted on a male Facebook friend’s wall.

Along with the picture, he included this caption:

“I agree with the message but the timing is bad. It wasn’t black boys matter it’s black lives matter. This is going to cause a divide during a time we need to be united. Deja Vu all over again.”

His caption immediately brought to mind Martin Luther King Jr.’s response in the Letter from Birmingham Jail, April 16, 1963. If you’ll remember it was Dr. King’s peers, members of the clergy like himself who called his efforts and marches, his movement and purpose “unwise and untimely.” You’ll remember that he said the word “wait” almost always meant “never.”

And the same is true for Black women.

The relationship between America and Black folk and the relationship between Black men and Black women are strikingly similar. In the same way that Black folks birthed the American economy and built the nation, Black women have birthed and built up Black men. And the same ways in which Black folk have been seen as less than in the eyes of America; we, Black women, are seen as second class and inferior by our own people. In the same ways that Black people are questioned and even accused of being racist for expressing pride in our identity and calling for equal rights, is the same way Black women are accused of being anti-men and even anti-community for identifying themselves as feminists.

It’s preposterous to think that a group of people could be responsible for your success as a nation only to turn around and legally classify them as 3/5 human. And it’s absurd to think that the same women who have been fighting on the frontlines for Black men, from Ida B. Wells to Fannie Lou Hamer to Alicia Garza, Opal Tometi and Patrisse Cullors, would be dismissed and told to wait for a resolution to the issues that matter to us.

How dare the people who are responsible for America’s economy, infrastructure and innovation be told to wait? How dare the very demographic who formed the movement that is fighting for Black men, be told to wait by those same Black men? It’s a slap in the face to both the public and private sacrifices Black women have made and continue to make for Black men.

And the same is true for the LGBT community. The women who founded Black Lives Matter are queer. DeRay McKesson, one of the most visible faces of the movement is openly gay. And while he has literally sacrificed his time, money and even freedom for the cause of Black Lives, straight, Black men who haven’t even done an eighth as much can’t appreciate his efforts because he’s gay. And as much as some people like to act like being gay is some type of new fad, Bayard Rustin, James Baldwin and Langston Hughes, most likely, were all gay and some of the strongest advocates for our people.

It’s unbelievable. And Black women are tired of it. In the same ways people have asked America where it would be without Black folk, Black men need to ask themselves where they would be without Black women and the LGBTQ community.

I don’t know why it took me up until this year to realize that, in addition to his gospel music for the masses, Kirk Franklin actually has some very empowering words to share as well. My boyfriend and I attended one of his concerts and I was surprised to hear not only his comments but the thought, revelation and honesty behind them. He’s more than just the frontman, the performer and showman I thought he was. More than just his concert, he preached this sermonette type thing in his studio one day that was so good I had to share it on my Facebook page.

He has insight.

So, when I saw that a post he shared about his marriage to his wife Tammy was getting quite a bit of attention on Facebook, I decided to see what he had to say. And true to the pattern I’d witnessed, Kirk was dropping some knowledge.

Beautiful.

So, where’s the story?

Well, after I read Kirk’s words, I scrolled down to see a comment that had over thirteen thousand likes. 13,934 at the time of publication, to be exact.

That certainly puts a different spin on things now doesn’t it? I just knew after reading Crystal’s comment that people were going to be UPset. I assumed that they were going to call her bitter, lonely, miserable, negative and everything else they call women with an opinion they don’t agree with. And while, there were certainly those who didn’t agree with her, they did so respectfully. There were those who liked it. And there were those who responded saying that they could see the beauty in both Kirk’s story and the truth in her response to it.

And in the words of DJ Khaled, “I like that.”

Sometimes, quite a few times, issues are not simply black and white, right or wrong. There’s gray area. There’s common ground. There are two sides of the story and each of them raise valid points.

Is it a beautiful thing that Kirk’s wife Tammy decided to stick by him when he was acting a fool? Yes, absolutely.

Do men with platforms often use them to tell women how they should move and behave in the world? Sho nuff.

Kirk can only tell his story, from his perspective. And his perspective is that he’s thankful his wife stuck by him, waiting for him to grow up. That’s what he knows. But I’m sure Kirk Franklin is not the only man who has felt abandoned and then turned around and did that same thing to other people in his life. I’m sure that men, who are completely unaccustomed to getting relationship advice from high profile men, would have heeded his words. It’s a real story. Instead, Kirk, fell into the paternalistic trap so many men do. Instead of digging deeper into his own shortcomings as a man, he spoke about his wife’s willingness to stay while he grew up. And that would have been fine if he were speaking about their situation specifically. But then he turned it around and offered advice to other women, encouraging them, without knowing the particular men they’re dealing with, to do the same.

Honestly, this idea of standing by your man, whether he’s right or wrong, is not new or radical. I don’t think it’s unfair to say that women’s default position is to stay, give one too many chances and hope that the person they love will eventually do and be better. We don’t need to hear that we need to wait for a man in a relationship. That’s what we do! In fact, far too many of us are sticking around for far too long.

The day is finally here! ‪#‎BettahDays‬ is available for purchase on Amazon.com. The link is in my bio! Thank you to every single person who's offered a kind word of encouragement or support along the way or once they learned that I had a book coming out. This means more to me than you'll ever know. The summary hasn't uploaded to Amazon yet but here it is below...and on the back of this book.

"Even as a little girl, Constantine knew she didn’t want a marriage like the dried up one her parents had. Instead, she wanted it to mimick the sweet, American love songs her father played from his phonograph. But after a devastating heartbreak, the introduction of a charmismatic stranger, and an unplanned pregnancy, Constantine finds herself in a relationship that is far more disappointing and dire than anything her parents endured. In the midst of motherhood, dissatisfaction and a challenging husband, Constantine must find the strength to choose peace over peril and forgiveness over fury."

I think the apology that Miss America issued to Vanessa Williams last year and their decision to stand by Karlie Hay are not unrelated.

I already know y’all know what happened to Williams. She became the first Black woman to win the Miss America pageant in 1983, only to have the crown stripped when old, nude photos of her surfaced.

That was decades ago.

But scandal has no time frame.

And in 2016, the contestants in pageants are still getting caught up in drama.

Enter Karlie Hay.

The internets recently unearthed some old tweets where the newly crowned Miss Teen USA used the n-word several times.

Whoa.

But not only whoa…why?!

You will note that these tweets are 2-3 years old. But naturally, they caused some alarm. And it wasn’t long before people were asking Miss Teen USA and the Miss Universe Organization, who owns Miss Teen USA, what they were going to do about it.

Well, they said they were going to stand by their girl.

In a statement e-mailed to Mic, the organization said:

“The language Karlie Hay used is unacceptable at any age and in no way reflects the values of The Miss Universe Organization. As Karlie stated, she was in a different place in her life and made a serious mistake she regrets and for which she sincerely apologizes. Karlie learned many lessons through those personal struggles that reshaped her life and values. We as an organization are committed to supporting her continued growth.”

And Hay issued her own apology, stating that when she tweeted those words, she was in a different place.

“A few years ago, I used language that is inexcusable, and I sincerely apologize for my actions. At the time, due to a number of personal struggles, I was in a place that is not representative of who I am now. Through hard work, education, maturity and thanks in large part to the sisterhood that I have come to know through pageants, I am proud to say that I am today a better person. I am honored to hold this title and I will use the Miss Teen USA platform to promote messages of confidence, inclusion and perseverance.”

I can’t say how much remorse Hay actually feels for the words she used or whether or not she has honestly turned over a new leaf. Bad judgement and poor decisions are generally a part of most teenage experiences. Hay’s behavior is not atypical of so many young, White teenagers who are seduced by the power and rebellion of saying the forbidden n-word, without giving thought or consideration to its history or the fact that it still causes quite a few Black folk to cringe when they hear or read it, especially from a White person.

This situation raises the questions of how much of their behavior should teenagers be held responsible for and for how long? Perhaps the organization has learned something since the days of Vanessa Williams. Still, there is a difference between Hay in 2016 and Williams in 1983.   Williams, whose pictures were released without her permission, was a victim in her situation and Hay is the villain in hers. The photographer ensured Williams that her pictures would never be released while Hay knowingly put her racist and derogatory words on social media. At this time in our nation, and even the time she initially tweeted them, her words perpetuate the racial tensions and overall hate we’re currently fighting against. And it’s interesting that an organization trying to clear itself of its own very racist history would take such an indiscretion so lightly. And I’m not just talking about their decision to allow Donald Trump to host for so many years, I’m speaking to the fact that in the 1930s, there was a formalized rule that stated, “contestants must be of good health and of the white race.” Even when the rule was taken off of the books, a Black contestant wouldn’t even compete in the pageant until 1971, Cheryl Browne from Iowa.

I can’t help but wonder if a young, Black winner would be held responsible for her actions if she’d tweeted something anti-police two to three years ago. I wonder if she would be stripped of her crown. While a part of me believes Hay should have been granted leniency, another part resents the fact that she was because there are so many Black children who are not given second chances when they misbehave, if they are indeed misbehaving at all. There are so many Black children whose skin makes them guilty, worthy of dismissal, punishment, expulsion. And in the case of Tamir Rice, death.