Obscurity.

I always forget about my Tumblr. It's nearly 4 am and I'm feeling really conflicted. I haven't had feelings for anyone in a long time and I thought I might for someone these past few months...and I thought they might feel the same. Now I don't think they do but I'm wondering if I really actually did or if I just really like them as a person and want them in my life. Or this could just be a defence mechanism for being rejected...I don't know. What I do know is that I really care about this person but certain events have made me hesitant about the level of friendship I put in. Was it really just me being a friend or was I wearing my heart on my sleeve? I find it impossible that they could possibly be unaware of my feelings...but who knows. I had a plan and now it's ruined but that's okay. At least I know I'm capable of feeling like this about someone and I'll be able to feel this again. Its not like I was ready for an actual relationship and it's not like I was even 100% certain of these feelings since there is a giant obstacle we haven't crossed yet. Its still too early to say but I have to let go so I can live a healthy life without thinking about them so much. Its pretty ridiculous how it's made me these past months... They aren't even doing anything wrong. Its me. Its all me. Well I'm making a choice now to get up and go with the flow for real this time with no ties to anyone that can grasp at my heart. That sounds dramatic af but I don't care. No one will read this and I feel a bit better about doing this for myself. So maybe you weren't waldo...that doesn't mean I won't find them at some point. By then I'll have to be ready.