“so, what do you usually do when not working for SDN?” you asked robert. “like do you have a life or you just work all the time? i heard from chase that your life is boring and grey.”

he sighed. robert has been working as z-team dispatch for a couple of days, already met the entire team and how the are reformed villains, but you? he still has no clue why there is a teenager in the phoenix program, especially one who seems to not fit in with the rest of them.

“well… i do have a life outside SDN.” he replied. “I have a place, hobbies and a dog to care for. Are you satisfied with my answer?”

there is a silence, almost too good for robert’s liking. the precious time of his lunch breaking is being wasted on questions coming from you, questions that seems to com from either a person who has too free time (you, of course it’s you) or a business interview (as if blazer would make such things when she hired him).

he expects you to leave him alone for a while. after all, robert knows that most of the lunch break you spend with blazer— as she is your legal guardian since you joined the phoenix program — but he didn’t expected to see your eyes sparkle when he lifts his eyes from the newly brought twinkies in his hands.

have he said something wrong? robert feels that sometime you space out too much during the second shift (in this case, your only shift as you study during the first half of the day), but he never thought you would do the same during lunch break as he knows you don’t waste time when it’s about food.

you slam your fists against the table, leaving robert a bit shocked for a brief second, ready to scold you for almost making him drop the coffee mug at the table. but he doesn’t.

“you have a dog!?” you exclaimed, too excited about the new piece of information of robert’s almost non-existent life. “can i see it? please, please? i promise to give my best during my shift if you show me a photo of it!”

robert freezes at yours words. well, he didn’t expected to someone as you —maybe he did, mostly teenagers and children would kill/destroy an entire city for a pet— to be begging to see beef.

don’t get it wrong, he loves beef and would do anything for the little guy. but, he just didn’t expect to someone else act so shameless when the subject is about his dog.

his shocked expression is quickly replaced by a happy one, a small smile on his lips when picking his phone of his jeans’ pocket. he searches for the photo album where one hundred photos and thousands of videos of beef doing dog things before handing his phone to you.

“don’t look at any other album.” he instructed, the smile still on his lips when seeing you nodding to his words. “and don’t forget, you have too give twice as hard of your potential in today’s shift, got it?”

you nodded again, too focused on the many photos of beef on the phone screen. your lips curved into a huge smile, too widely when seeing the short length videos of his dog running after a ball and failing miserably.

you are constantly mumbling to yourself about beef, speaking how round and fluff his fur looks through the screen, too focused on how the tongue sticks out for mostly of the time and how its looks too warm to cuddle during cold nights.

the amount of time that you spend watching admiring beef at its glory, was enough time for robert finishes his twinkies and coffee. it would make him embarrassed at the view if it wasn’t somehow cute seeing you fanby at anything beef did at the videos. robert wouldn’t never admit, but seeing you as this —acting as a normal teenager and not as former villain turned hero— makes him believe that you have way more chance into turning a better citizen in comparison to the others.

“okay, it’s enough.” he picked his phone out of yours hands, not letting you say goodbye to the photos of beef. “it’s almost time for the shift and you need to gear up for it. we don’t want you to arrive late again, don’t we?”

shame grown on your face, “hey!“ you got up fast from your seat, but not quick enough to make the chair drop to the ground. “that was only one time!“

robert holds back his laugh, its funny how easily irritated you get by him. coúpe, flambae and invisagal tries to crack your ‘cool facade’ through the shift, tease you for being the youngest as well the ‘newbie’ inside the SDN, but you never let them get the best of you. however, when it’s robert, you never try to keep up with that mask, not when he knows you feel safe around him.

sometimes he sees his younger self on you.

“alright, alright.” he stands up from his seat as well, the twinkies package and mug in one hand as the other one pats your shoulder. “don’t get too moody before shift. we don’t want you to waste energy on me instead of taking down second class villains, right?”

you nodded, too flustered to even reply directly to robert. it’s one of those occasions you can’t really express your emotions through words, unfortunately its happens more than he wishes it.

“fine, whatever.” you said, but didn’t rolled your eyes at him (a progress he would say). “see you soon, robert.”

learning that kobeni is only twenty left your gutters feeling horrible. such a young girl joining the public safety devil hunters because her parents forced her to do so, how disgusting.

it made you wonder how people could do that with their children, not even your own parents were like this. emotionally unavailable? yes. but they never forced you to become a devil hunter, it was a choice of your own.

they said you were crazy, of course they did. neither of them truly understood the reason why you join a commission where most people only leave by dying, but they didn’t stop you from joining. both of them quickly accepted your fate, as well as you did.

life is too short to sit on an office, but life is too long to not take that weird child under your wing.

“[l.name]!” speaking of the devil, literally. “I killed all the devils you asked me to!”

your eyes shift towards the young boy. the uniform of the commission ruined as you’d expected after a long mission on the corners of tokyo, dried blood all over his exposed body and of course, a big smile on his face.

it amazed you, the kid still having all these energy after spending an hour or so fighting devils and still not tired. in other hand, you can feel the best underneath your white shirt almost drenched in sweat and blood.

you should’ve made a better deal with your devil.

“that’s impressive, denji.” your lips curved into smile, even all the tiredness over you body. you force yourself to look presentable to the young boy. “not even the most skilled hunters of my division would’ve exterminated devils in so little time.”

you can tell the laceration burning your legs, but you choose to ignore the pain when stepping towards denji. it’s been years since you joined the commission, so why haven’t gotten used to the mark? the blood? the death?

you wished you were like makima or aki, neither of them don’t seem to care about the dark side of the job. they’ve experienced long years as you did, yet why you are the only one who still gets nightmares from the ones you failed to safe? their faces before dying, every single of them still a fresh memory when you close your eyes.

was it worth to join them for a better future? if you might never see it coming?

it’s painful to think about it.

“you did a good job back there,” the words comes out of your lips easily, patting denji’s hair before guiding him to follow him. “how about i treat you with a meal at that restaurant closer to my place? aki told me you and power ate all of the food there.”

denji’s smile only grew bigger at the mention of a meal and your place. he began following you as a little duckling, already rambling what type of topping he wants on his ramen or something between those words.

how adorable.

the path to the small restaurant—settled on an alley, hide from most people’s eyes—was a calm one. there was no one to bother you this time, not with denji being so loud that makes any of the drunk men approach you this time.

is rude to say that denji feels as a guard dog? always too full of energy, excited when it comes to you and ready to attack if you command.

a fresh memory from a few weeks ago comes to mind. a devil threatened to do worse things than death, holding you hostage before denji came and rescued you with power as you’d expect.

however the blood, the viscous fake organs of the devil were torn apart so badly. it was nothing you’ve see before, and look you been working at the commission for five years or so.

the new generations are becoming more violent, that’s for sure. but you’d never expect from a young boy as denji.

“order anything, I don’t have a budget tonight.” you said. “but make sure to eat everything you order, don’t want anything to be wasted.”

denji takes a seat beside you on the counter, already yelling his order of a big ramen bowl with the many type of toppings he would like to add.

is he going to eat all of it? probably.

he is a growing boy. that’s what most kids are doing to have strong bones, healthy bodies and a belly full of delicious foods.

you just wished that denji attended school instead of the commission. he works so hard and gets little to no rewards, maybe he will be capable of doing so if you talk with makima about it…

the rest of the night went calmly as usual—as calm

it can be with denji. he ate all of the three bowls he ordered, drank an entire gallon of water and convinced you that he will serve as your escort for the night.

“you’re nice to me… that’s kinda weird.” he said. “you always offer me food and never ask anything in return, not even my organs.”

well. that’s weird.

that’s fucking weird.

you continue walking in front, not looking back. however, you do slow down a bit to let denji catch up, hearing his footsteps increasing behind.

it’s bring a subtle smile to your face. “that’s what any superior should do, denji. taking care of the newbies and making sure to reward them after a long day of working.” the explanation is an repeated statement that you’ve heard of your old mentor. “i hope you can find someone as me when the times comes to me.”

“what?”

“what what?”

a quiet moment spread across the air again, this time more heavier—tense, just like the moments you’ve shared with makima in your earlier years of work. but instead of being trapped inside a small office building with her, you are standing in front of the streets with denji.

the circumstances are different, of course they are. you are the one in control of this one, capable of saying something to denji before anything can happen. this isn’t like what happened to makima, you aren’t the naive person you were before.

“i’m quitting the commission in a few weeks, if i do get to survive til then.” you explained, leaving no space to him to argue, not when you continue to walk away. “the first thing i will do tomorrow is send my resignation letter to makima, after all, she has no long use for me after the new recruits had joined. ”

everything is happening too fast for denji’s sake. his arrival at the commission was stressful one, people he barely got to know before seeing their corpses and devils he has already forgotten the name of, all of his life was been in a hurry with no place of safety.

he won’t let you go.

“no.” he muttered. “you aren’t quitting.”

you should roll your eyes, but you just continue walking away as denji follows shortly after with his complaining. the words don’t reach your ears, floating away when before you can fully understand what he is speaking.

it is only when he jumps in front of you that’s you finally give him a cent of your attention. unfortunately, it isn’t what you want to hear.

“makima told me if I do my job well, she would let me keep anything.” the words are slightly freaking you out.

the red-haired lady makes promises to many, and most of them always comes with a twisted. you’ve learned that from experience firsthand.

“I want to keep you!” he explains, too loud and too ambitious, always so expressive when it comes with his goals. “s-she told me you aren’t leaving me til the day you die!”

what a fucking joke.

now makima’s presence has joined the talk. well, it isn’t lie she never quit in first place, always there even if it only her name only. you wonder how easily she managed to have denji’s under her commands—probably faster than you—with her words and sweet touch.

the idea of just grabbing your gun and shooting your self sounds more appealing than ever before, and yet you know better than doing that. you know the consequences for that.

a sigh comes out of your lips, moving away from denji and aiming to go back to your home before sunrise. his footsteps can’t be heard, definitely standing at the same place as you just focus getting home after this little show of his.

you’re tired of everything.

you just want to go home and catching a few hours of sleep before working again.

“tell makima we will have some training tomorrow morning.”

“y-yes, [l.name]!”

the excessive pain became a part of your life since your teenage years.

a small accident led you to become dependent on medications, frequent doctor appointments and of course, the use of a wheelchair. turns out that your body can become tired after just a few minutes of walking.

from a former promising athlete with a bright future, you became solely dependent on your parents’ overbearing presence. the memories of medals, tournaments and plans of leaving this small town simply became a distant dream.

stuck on a place where you won’t never achieve your goals is something you’d never wish upon anyone, not even those who has bullied you before.

while everyone is leaving the town to live their big dreams, you still trapped in this small town. time went on while you stayed in the past along a wheelchair attached to you.

it isn’t fair.

life isn’t fair.

nothing isn’t fair.

you hate how much energy, money and time you spend on becoming better only to lose everything in seconds.

now, you are trapped in a small town you grow up. there is almost zero chance of leaving this place, not when you can barely walk nor go anywhere without taking controlled meditation to control the pain.

you are going to die here. the world is involving while you stay in a place where the only source of entertainment is a dying mall.

amazing.

however, amidst all of these events and the extreme pain slowly taking over your entire body. there is a reason to stay positive despite your life sucking on most days.

your dear husband, leonard.

even with your life in disarray, he is there for you.

“i know you are upset, but it is really the end of the world?” he asked. “you shouldn’t get angry at doctors for wanting the better of you.”

the tv screen plays a sitcom, something unfamiliar that only serves as a background noise. it’s helps making the house you share with him sound more alive, more comfortable as your parents are away for the weekend.

your main concern right now—other than the pain, is staying healthy and not getting sad with the news from the doctor. as long you are extremely dependable on the wheelchair, you are forbidden to travel out of the town.

that’s basically means you are going to miss your cousin’s baby shower. an 90 minutes drive to her house, then you’d stay there for three hours maximum before leonard driving back home.

something so simple, but dangerous enough to kill you according to the doctor. which leads you to miss another family’s event as expected, then to receive photos and messages of how they missed having you there.

it is the same story. the same end. the same pain that makes you feel as a burden.

“i don’t want to talk about it.” your words didn’t came as you’d expected—too weak, too much as a whisper. leonard never takes you serious with that tone.

the warning is there, not to clear to hear it, but enough to sense the slightest tension on the air. he shouldn’t bother you, he should just leave you alone for the rest of the night.

however, leonard is too stubborn to leave his significant other all dense like this. he has the duty to keep your mood positive.

leonard gets on his knees in front of you, resting his head on your thighs and hands wrapping around yours legs tightly, an extra measure to keep you in place.

not even you wanted him to get off, you would be capable of pushing him away.

there is a smile growing on his face, one that always comes after events as this—you already memorised it—then he would just stay there in silence. leonard is a good husband, but this isn’t what you’ve married him.

his light eyes stared into yours, carrying a softer gaze when pressing his body against your thighs. “don’t look grumpy, honey. it doesn’t suit your pretty face.” his words weren’t supposed to melt you, but it does and it’s embarrassing how quickly. “also, there is will be plenty of opportunity to see your extended family, you just need to follow the doctors’ words and take your medications.”

he always manages to comfort you. it doesn’t matter what, leonard is still the best to make the pain feel lighter.

“it’s just… it isn’t fair.” you say that. it’s a repetitive feeling, the same complaints. “i do everything the doctors tell me to do. i do light exercises, take medications, use that stupid wheelchair all the time and what it gets me? nothing! my body is only getting worse and they don’t know why.”

the tears almost escaped from your eyes, but you force yourself out. there is no need to cry at this late hours of the night, especially when you already did that earlier today. it would be quite ridiculous if you break your rule of only crying one time per day.

he holds your chin, caressing a faint bruise there. one accidental fail during an rare walk, the same on who still forced you to stay home for the past couple of days.

“stay put, honey.” he said, letting go of you when standing up once again. “i’m going to prepare you medications, okay? then we can watch some movie together for the rest of the afternoon. maybe we can watch those series you like.”

you nodded. “it’s sounds good.”

a sniff comes out of your mouth, but as well a smile together. leonard’s expression softens more—if that is possible—before heading towards the bathroom upstairs.

“i will be right back.”

—

the bathroom on the second floor has become a small hideout to leonard. a place where his significant other has no access—for now, as the platform lift hasn’t been installed yet—so, only he has been using it aside from the guests who come around.

a glass full of water is on the sink, one that he shouldn’t be staring so hard. it’s nothing, filled with water from an old bottle he has left a few hours priors for this task. the mirror on the wall, stares back to him, a tension that has become the norm since marriage.

“this is for our marriage.” he tells himself. “i need [name] to stay with me forever…”

the three small tablets rested on his palm, opened already from their packaging. harmless, useless and fake. tiny pieces that are keeping his love chained to him forever, the reason why they aren’t becoming better regardless of their efforts.

leonard didn’t hesitate. he didn’t thought about anything else when dropping the tablets inside the water, mixing it with water before dissolving.

he picks the glass along empty capsules, swirling once final time when heading downstairs to see the love of his—now laying down, surfing through channels to find something interest—a smile comes to his face, as if he hadn’t done anything wrong.

❤︎ to all man you’ve dated, rowan is for the most weirdest. not because he has an entire shelf dedicated to some vocaloid character that you can’t recognize, but because he is just too extreme when it comes to you. he is a loving boyfriend, there’s not denying that, but you have to admit that rowan is bit obsessed when the subject is about you.

❤︎ the moment you move in—after begging in his knees—you began seeing what people would call red flags on your dear boyfriend. cutting some lock of your hair when he thought you were sleeping, stealing and replacing your toothbrush under the impression you wouldn’t notice, but the most red of them being the missing underwears.

❤︎ rowan is responsible for laundry, so you didn’t pay much attention on it at first. but after your underwear drawer became empty and having to use rowan’s. how embarrassed was to walk around wearing his boxers, but your boyfriend was having the time of his life, going as further to take photos of you. according to his words, “i need a way to stare at you even when you are working away!”

❤︎ that was the first red flag, then it came the second one: making you quiet your job. well, working part-time at the convenience store just ten minutes from home ain’t a big deal to be honest, but you needed to bring some income in any way or another.

❤︎ after you lost your well paying job at the office you been working since graduation because you called the HR to deal with one of supervisors’ moody attitude after you refused to date their old ass. it was an awful experience, but only got worse after that man managed to blacklist you from being hired in any high paying job in the city.

❤︎ the only place willingly to hire you were either a stripper club—surprisingly good paying according to your old neighbor—and at the convenience store. however, you didn’t have the movement and almost twisted your ankle when training with those heels. so you chose the night shift at convenience store in the end.

❤︎ safe to say that rowan freaked out when learning about that. from the HR department failing to protect you to working at the most vulnerable hours at some place with no security nor cameras. it almost gave him a heart attack, but he calmed down, took his time to advice you to quit your job before anything bad happens. you initially refused, but after seeing the number in his bank account and learning how expensive was his vocaloid collection as well the gaming setup, you quickly became the apartment caretaker.

❤︎ then it came the last one, at least for now: he didn’t have real life friends before meeting you. your boyfriend—who works as a cybersecurity engineer, goes to gym every morning, plays online and sweet with the elderly—didn’t have a social life (talking with cashiers and mailmen doesn’t count!) and how that didn’t stop you from dating him still a miracle.

❤︎ you forced him to interact with people, invited the people he plays online to come over and stay a few hours to just talk. rowan didn’t want to know other people, he already had you and vocaloid in his life, so why friends? then you threatened to sell his collection and burn the not-so-secret shrine he has of you in the back of his closet.

❤︎ he changed his mind about not having friends and you got slightly worried of the people that came to visit him.

❤︎ a traditional goth girl, a jock, a preppy and even a guy you thought to be a girl at first? online gaming can really make the most different people become friends with a common interest. all of them were really sweet, even though you were slightly worried when they mentioned their ‘darlings’, something you forced yourself to forget.