Sweet Creature

meow and for the love of fucking god mrraow

I hate it when I talk wistfully about the ancient world and then people are like “you wouldn’t survive back then” yeah obviously I would die immediately but do you think achilles would be able to survive in the modern world if he had to send one polite email? no

The spy chasing me throws a tracking device at my car. The throw is perfectly timed and the small, round device hits the bumper perfectly flush. However, since the tracker is magnetic and my shitty car is plastic, it bounces off

The spy is following me as I walk down the street. I bob in and out of shops. Pause and accelerate my pace randomly. Stop to tie my shoe so he loses sight of me. I stay perfectly out of his reach. This is all due to being sleep deprived, confused, hungry, and lost

The spy freezes my bank account. I do not notice for three weeks and only because Netflix sends me an email about non-payment

The spy chasing me does a stakeout at my house. After 4 days of trying to match my sleeping pattern he has to call HQ for backup

What did you do that requires a spy to follow you so thoroughly?

Honestly I have no idea. My best guess is that it's a misunderstanding

girls will be like “if i was a geographical feature i would be a selenite cave” and you’re just supposed to be able to figure out what that means

What's not clicking

everyone reblog and tag ur top three fruits i want to know

Harry said women orgasming is important to me