𝒶 𝒹𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓂 𝒾𝓈 𝒶 𝓌𝒾𝓈𝒽 𝓎ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝒽ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓂𝒶𝓀ℯ𝓈
a new year can be a pillar of hope for many, whether it's a new beginning or a milestone for a continuous journey, it holds a vast subtle magic that we're all aware of. a page refresh that hits the public hivemind -- leading to blossoming inklings of new dreams to act upon in the new year.
i remember eating grapes with mama & baba and wishing my love a happy new year from 350 miles away over facetime as the seconds ticked down to midnight, signaling 2025. a cool year with a crisp 5 to wrap up half a decade. while i was initially sad that i couldn't ring in the year for the first time with my partner and my time visiting my parents was coming to a swift end, i began to feel the spores of hope trickle through my heart. i'd eventually share plentiful loving moments and adventures with my partner and i'd come home every so often to visit home and the friends who built me. in this instance, it felt like i was bestowed the magic of what a new start could offer me. it definitely doesn't require a new year to kill shitty habits or start a hobby you've been desperately craving to learn and work on, but it certainly provides the push forward you sometimes need from an arbitrary tick of time.
the autumn of 2024 left me in shambles. leaving me to question whether i was good enough to pursue social work and create change in the lives of the community i care for. i often felt like an imposter in my day-to-day life and i would ask myself if i was actually spending my time meaningfully OR if my time would be in vain. countless thoughts festering in the open wound of my self-esteem, trying to repair itself and scab over, but being met with painful epiphany after epiphany. while i don't exactly have an answer to whether my work is in vain or not, i simply don't care to worry too much about this aspect. i'm throwing myself along for the process and riding the wave as it wrings me around and throws me in directions that my mind has never considered.
one of my favorite (and formative) adages to follow in any situation is "do it for the anecdote". do it for the anecdote because you'll push yourself into towards the edge of a challenge that you will brave or fail and recuperate from. do it for the anecdote because you're capable enough to grab a bull by its horns and will it to do no harm. do it for the anecdote and come out with a funny story about a shitty experience. do it for the anecdote because it'll lead to a shining moment in a golden hue that you've been dreaming about for ages.
i've never been one for new year's resolution, AND ALSO IT'S FEBRUARY, but i do think it'd be interesting to compare my life in this point in time to myself at the end of this year. i've fucked around enough, fucked myself over enough, and fucked up opportunities over and over, so now i'm zeroing in on pursuing all my creative endeavors. there isn't a life to enjoy if there isn't creation to aid my understanding of the world i live in. the world is beautiful because we form a connection between our lived experiences and personal definitions of beauty. the world is beautiful because i can love, suffer, and giggle in solidarity with those i love.
regardless of my babbling, my resolutions range from risograph printing to watercolor landscapes and learning to code, i wish to hold onto a lovely arsenal of meaning-making and beauty to make sense of what goes on in my tangled mind. i wish to return to the soft-spoken whispers of muses that would sit in my ears for days and actually act upon them. i wish to create with others. I'm tired of denying myself and dedicating my time for endeavors that will only wear me down. i will sacrifice my time on my own terms.
