hii, it's anon that was being cyberstalked about half a month ago. i took a break from posting for a while because they kept trying to message me, telling me to quit posting. part of me feels like i gave in, but the other part of me knows that it had to have helped somewhat, as i've finally had a couple of weeks where they haven't tried talking to me. at least not where i can see.
i'm still terribly scared that they'll find another way to contact me, or try and 'cancel' me. i know they can't do that but.. it's still a fear of mine. i've been trying to collect as much evidence of what they've done as i can, as well as journal about it too. i've recently found out a lot about what had happened. veils over situations being lifted and i can see the harm they've caused. it's still tough moving on because of how attached i was and how long it had been, but their true colors have shown.
i wish i had someone offline i could tell about it, but im not in that kind of space right now. i do have maybe two online friends i can tell though. well. i know one is my friend. recently ive been finding it difficult to know my relationships with people. i suppose that's the reason i really came here today.
im so scared of being too much for people. i don't wanna be that person who's just venting all the time, cuz im not! i have a personality and interests and i interact with other people's interests a lot too. because of my past relationship though, i kinda never got to talk about my own feelings, and now having a ton MORE feelings.. its so tough to not overwhelm people.
recently i made a personal vent account, kinda like an online diary. it's not entirely private, but it isn't tagged, i have limited discoverability. it's a way for me to be disconnected enough that people don't know who i am if they ever saw me, but also it's public enough for me to wanna keep myself in check. sometimes i guess the pressure of having a possible audience is a good thing?
but there's so much to that blog that i feel i cant show to my incredibly small circle. and i've been finding it so so hard to make new friends. im almost out of highschool, people already have their circles both irl and online. i feel excluded from a lot, even if people don't mean to. i feel so needy, finally wanting attention for myself instead of trying to be a people pleaser. it felt easier that way but i know it's wrong and i was letting myself be walked all over
sorry this is all over the place. but you're a good person and you gave good advice last time. i trust you with this too.
thank you for sharing this, i really appreciate it :)
it sounds like the last few weeks have been really heavy, and it makes sense that you’d still feel uneasy even after things have gone quiet. when someone invades your space like that, your brain stays on alert for a while. that fear of them coming back or trying something new is a normal reaction to what you went through, not a sign that you’re weak or overreacting. taking a break from posting wasn’t “giving in.” it was you protecting your peace. sometimes the healthiest response to someone who wants attention or control is to remove the thing they’re targeting. the fact that things have been quieter since then suggests it probably did help, even if it didn’t feel empowering at the time. collecting evidence and journaling are both very solid moves. evidence gives you protection if you ever need to report them, and journaling helps you process the emotions instead of letting them build up. both are practical, steady steps forward. about feeling like “too much” for people: most healthy friendships have space for both fun and difficult conversations. you don’t have to be either the constant entertainer or the constant venter. you can be both, in balance. a good rule is to check in with the other person, like asking “hey, is it okay if i talk about something heavy for a bit?” that shows respect for their energy and usually makes people feel more comfortable supporting you. it also makes sense that you’re still learning how to talk about your feelings after a relationship where you couldn’t. that takes time. it’s like using a muscle that hasn’t been used much before. it might feel awkward or intense at first, but it gets easier and more natural with practice. the vent account idea isn’t inherently bad. it gives you an outlet, some distance from your main identity, and a sense of structure. just make sure it stays safe: no personal details, no identifying photos, and keep your privacy settings tight. treat it like a controlled space rather than a place to pour everything out without boundaries. feeling left out socially, especially near the end of school, is very common. friend groups can look very “closed” from the outside, but that doesn’t mean there’s no space for new connections. sometimes it’s less about finding a whole group and more about building one or two solid individual friendships. those tend to last longer anyway. you’re not needy for wanting attention, care, or space to talk about your feelings. that’s part of being human. the difference now is that you’re trying to advocate for yourself instead of shrinking to make others comfortable. that’s actually a sign of growth, even if it feels uncomfortable.
again, thank you for sharing this with my, i really appreciate it and feel free to talk to me again if you ever need advice or just want to chat again (also sorry for the very long paragraph but i hope it helped) :)
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