live fast / die young

Sylvia was giving her Pokémon reproving glares as a few of them continued to stalk Jax into the living room.  They were just going to make him feel self conscious, but she was pretty sure they just wanted to make sure he was really okay.  She didn’t plan on telling Jax anytime soon that she had spent a good portion of his absence also moping around; that would just be an unneeded layer of guilt to lay on him for no reason.

“Er–,” she paused at his question, “well, since I was still waffling on whether I wanted to go or not I didn’t really check.  But if I’m honest, since we’re next to the ocean it doesn’t really snow here.  All my winter clothes are probably from high school and I frankly doubt I’ll still fit in them.”  Sylvia felt a slight twinge of embarrassment upon admitting that, but ended her confession with a shrug.

“A shopping trip is probably in order.”  Xan wiggled out of Jax’s grasp and darted off into her room before Sylvia could stop her.  She returned shortly after with a tiny coin purse, which she was swinging around wildly as she hopped up into Jax’s lap again.  She dumped it upside down to dump the coins out, which she promptly began counting.

“Miss Xan, you already have winter clothes that still fit you.”  Xan looked up at Sylvia for a brief second before returning to her counting.  Sylvia sighed.  “Well I guess Xan will get a new scarf too.  Xan don’t you want to save that money for something else?  I can buy you a scarf myself.”  The Mimikyu made a chittering noise and waved her off with one of her shadow hands.  Sylvia bristled.

“She collects coins that fall out at the marketplace and saves them to buy herself stuff at the other booths.  Xan, I seriously doubt you have enough for a scarf.”  She was apparently satisfied with the amount of money she had collected thus far as she carefully dropped them back into the pouch, continuing to ignore Sylvia’s pleas.  “Her Tauros-headedness will get her killed on day, I swear it.”

Xan stuck the coin purse under her costume and snuggled up next to Jax.  “Well I guess we can go out either Castelia or Nimbasa for clothes– er, I guess you’ll want to avoid Nimbasa, actually.  Well Castelia has plenty of places to shop regardless.”

Jax instinctively held out his hands to catch the coins as Xan dumped her coinpurse, so that they wouldn’t get lost in the couch as she did her counting. He patiently waited for the pokemon to finish counting, shrugging his shoulders as Sylvia commented on her tauros-headedness. “Aw, give her a break. A lady can never have too many scarves.”

A smile tugged at his lips as Xan finished counting her money and snuggled up into his side. He wrapped his arm around her and gently pulled her close. “Castelia is good. I can’t remember the last time I went to the shopping district during the day... for actual shopping.” He didn’t elaborate on exactly what he was doing in the shopping district at night if it wasn’t for shopping, but he was sure that Sylvia could connect the dots. “And you know, shopping is therapeutic. I bet we could both use a nice day of shopping to unwind the nerves a bit.”

The corner of Sylvia’s mouth twitched into a smile.  “That’s probably for the best.  Let’s pack you a day bag, then.”  She had found a small duffle in the hallway closet when she had cleaned and retrieved it.  “You can pack for a few days, if you want.  I don’t mind how long you stay.”  It seemed best to let him pack on his own; she had already spent too much time up in his business when she cleaned while he was asleep.

Sylvia plopped onto the couch and waited for him to finish.  Her phone lit up with a text from her mom.

Mom [7:56PM]: There’s only a few tickets left for the festival FYI 🥺

Mom [7:57PM]: You could sell the second ticket probably.

It took all self control not to let out an ugly guffaw at the text.  Her parents were going to be over the moon to see Sylvia bring someone along.  They probably weren’t going to get a moment of peace because of it, but that perhaps wasn’t a bad thing for Jax – currently, at least.  Sylvia looked up as Jax entered the living room holding his duffle.

“Got everything?  I took a taxi to get here, but honestly I’m not sure I want you driving.  I’ll call for another one.”  She punched in the number before Jax could protest.  A few minutes later a checkered cab rolled up in front of Jax’s apartment; soon enough they were parked in front of Sylvia’s house.  Xan was pressed against the window and excitedly jumped off the couch when she saw the pair exit.  The front door flung open; the Mimikyu practically flew into Jax’s arms as she made a mad dash and leap while Sylvia paid the fare.

“Xan, he’s not feeling 100% right now.  Let’s not act too crazy, okay?”  She didn’t seem to be paying attention to Sylvia as she chittered animatedly.  Sylvia clicked her tongue but didn’t pull her away as she led Jax inside, carefully locking the door behind them.  Her Pokémon were cautiously gathered in the small front hallway; they were all pretty relieved to see Jax in one piece.

“Everyone was getting a little nervous.”  Sylvia laughed awkwardly and made a shooing motion with her hand to get her Pokémon to part.

Jax was silently relieved when Sylvia extended her offer for him to stay over for a few days. Frankly not only was he reluctant to go back to being alone in his current state of mind, but he had also genuinely missed Sylvia’s company and the idea of spending a day or two with her was something he wouldn’t turn down.

It only took a few minutes for him to pack the duffel bag in a very minimal fashion, tossing in a couple of sets of clean clothes as well as some toiletries and a book he had been reading before falling into a seemingly bottomless pit of despair and self-loathing. After stuffing his wallet and keys into his pockets they were ready to go, and before long their cab pulled up in front of Sylvia’s house.

The sight of the house itself had given him a feeling of comfort as it came into view. It was where Sylvia had once literally saved his life, at a time that seemed to him long ago yet all at once not so long ago. And since then she had unwittingly saved him in other ways, ways that he himself probably didn’t fully appreciate.

Almost as soon as he stepped foot out of the cab, Xan practically flew into his arms and he instinctively caught her, cradling in his arm like an infant in one arm as he grabbed his duffel out of the trunk with his free hand. “I missed you too, Xan.” He reassured the pokemon as the three of them made their way up the walkway to the front door of the house. Another wave of remorse hit him as he was greeted by the earnest gazes of Sylvia’s pokemon, all gathered together in the hallway.

Sylvia was trying not to look overly delighted as Jax accepted her offer.  It was going to be an awkward meeting; everyone thinks their parents are embarrassing, but they have nothing on Sylvia’s family.  There was a certain level of danger in letting Jax meet them, but it was going to have to happen one day – perhaps better to get it out of the way now.

“Tch– it’s not overly difficult to buy tickets for a festival.”  She gave him an exaggerated eye roll.  While it was good to see Jax was already much closer to his normal self, she could’ve dealt a little longer without his chivalrous attitude.  “But if you want to make hotel arrangements that’s fine.  Although…let me see where my parents are staying first.  It’s important that we don’t stay there.  Trust me.”

Sylvia let him finish a bit more of his food before whisking the plate away.  She really did go overboard on the food considering what his food intake was previously.  Since she had just done all the dishes, she knew where the Tupperware was and stowed the leftovers in the fridge.  The clock on the stove indicated that she had been there for almost five hours; she blanched and smacked her forehead.

“Oh Arceus, I told Xan it’d only be gone for an hour or two.  She’s probably enlisted half the Pokémon in Driftveil to look for me by now.”  Sylvia gave Jax an apologetic smile.  “I need to head home.”  She folded her arms and cocked her head to the side.  “If you’d like to come with me you’re free to do so.  In case you’re worried you’ll get bad again without company, or something.”  She was trying her damnest not to let her face heat up at her own offer.  She could’ve said the same thing to him yesterday and not felt an ounce of embarrassment; this was what happened when you missed out on high school romances, she supposed.

“Er– only if you want.  Otherwise you can just text me.  I’ll call my parents tomorrow and let them know we’ll be meeting up with them.”

It was a relief that the pair seemed to be reaching their usual level of rapport again so quickly after their most recent string of rocky interactions. Jax only offered a shrug and a small grin at Sylvia’s exaggerated reaction to his previous offer. They each had a certain amount of stubbornness, particularly with Sylvia being set in her independent ways and Jax’s insistence on interfering with that particular self-reliant quality of hers, which sometimes caused a bit of friction between their two personalities although not exactly in a harmful way. In fact, Jax thought it had always made their relationship more interesting.

“Sure, just let me know when you find out.” Jax silently wondered if Sylvia was simply being melodramatic about staying in the same hotel as her parents. He couldn’t imagine that they could be all that embarrassing -- most parents were, to some degree -- so he wondered if it could have been something else entirely. He didn’t ask, since he would find out soon enough, and it added a bit to the mystery of the situation. Sylvia rarely spoke about her parents in detail, so Jax was genuinely looking forward to meeting them.

Since there was still a dull pounding -- or maybe more like the sensation of a spike being driven through his skull -- in his head, he didn’t try to argue when Sylvia took his plate and packaged up the leftovers. He would simply have to find a way to repay her later, as usual. He stood up slowly, wincing as a few white spots appeared in the edges of his vision before slowly fading away again.

Sylvia gave his knee a pat and nodded.  “You’ll disagree, but it was understandable.  But that’s all behind us now, so don’t go on apologizing for it.”  She shoved the other three piece of bacon in her mouth and then promptly choked on them as Jax finished speaking.  She pounded on her chest a few times before the bacon pieces finally dislodged and she was able to swallow.

“Eugh– sorry, that ah– caught me off guard.  A date…”  Sylvia pondered it for a moment, but gave Jax a shrug at the end.  “I don’t really know.  I have no idea what places are good date spots.”  That was more embarrassing to admit than the long monologue about missing him had been.  It was growing more apparent that she didn’t leave her house very often, other than for work.  There were plenty of places to eat here and in Driftveil, so there must be something they could think of.

“Well, there is something I’ve been thinking about recently.  Although it’s more of a trip than a date, so it probably won’t work.”  Sylvia pulled out her phone and opened up her mobile browser to hand to Jax.  “Icirrus City is having a winter festival next week.  My parents are supposed to be rolling into town then and I haven’t seen them in, uh, well probably three years at this point.  I wasn’t going to go originally because there’s a…problem involved with getting tickets.

“The festival tickets are sold solely in pairs – and expensive pairs, at that.  It’s honestly only couples that ever go.  A lot of newly weds and people like that.  It’s a tradition thing, I guess, or whatever, but it’s where my parents met.  It’s supposed to be their 35th anniversary this year so they were texting me begging me to come up and see them; they’re not going to make it to Driftveil so it’s sort of my only opportunity to see them in Unova.”  

Sylvia gave Jax an apologetic smile.  “It’s fine if you don’t want to go.  Especially since that would mean you’d have to meet my parents.  Felicity is the girl who runs that stall next to mine and she’d probably take me up on the offer if I paid for our hotel.”

As Sylvia had a mild choking fit Jax patted her gently on the back a few times, more of a comforting gesture (almost as much for himself as it was for her) than one to actually help dislodge the bacon in her throat. It was almost funny -- although not quite -- how awkwardly they both were handling the current situation. It seemed that it could take a bit of acclimation before they were used to this sort of interaction.

He was a little surprised when Sylvia suggested that they meet up with her parents at the winter festival in Icirrus City. Jax had never thought that he would ever finding in the situation meeting a woman’s parents on their first (official) date. But their relationship so far hadn’t exactly been conventional, and Sylvia herself was far from ordinary. And since her parents led a nomadic lifestyle it wasn’t as if she could choose when she would like Jax to meet them anyway.

“No, it sounds fun. We should go.” Jax returned her smile with a reassuring one of his own. “Meeting your parents will be nice. I’ll look forward to it.” He had a fleeting thought that his parents would have loved to meet Sylvia as well, but he immediately banished the thought from his mind. “I’ve lived in Unova for almost my entire life and haven’t had a chance to go to the winter festival. Never really had a burning desire to go, but now I think a little trip would be perfect.”

Some days life is a grand adventure

Other days it seems

An uncomfortable necessity between sleeps.

Sylvia picked up the second piece of toast and folded it in half.  She smiled at his comment and nudged him with her elbow.  “I’m glad I get to be the first person you keep close.”  She took a bite of toast and chewed thoughtfully for a few seconds.  “I don’t think I was really aware of how lonely I was until you disappeared.  It was oppressive.  I spent so much time alone before you came along that I guess I just figured that was what life was like.  

“When you stopped answering my texts and calls…it was sort of like my world came crashing down around me.  I don’t say this to make you feel guilty, but I never really worried about anyone other than myself and my Pokémon before.  When you were gone, well, I guess it was like someone punched a hole through my chest.  It hurt a lot; eventually I couldn’t take the hurt which is why I came to check up on you.”

She actually wasn’t embarrassed to admit this; in fact, it felt as if a massive weight had been lifted off her shoulders.  “I never realized how emotionally stunted I was until this happened.  I was too self reliant.  You know my neighbors noticed you were gone too?  The elderly couple that lives to my right asked about you.  They were probably also concerned that I looked even more haggard than usual.  I don’t think I slept a lot, but it’s not like I sleep all that often in the first place.”

Sylvia took another bite of the toast before she silently stared at the floor.  Normally she didn’t like to broadcast her weaknesses like that, but if they were going to be candid with one another now seemed as good a time as any.  Besides, she would rather die than bring this up later when all was said and done.  She took a piece of bacon and broke it into fourths; she popped a piece in her mouth and hid a smile with her hand.

“They’re going to be so happy to see you come back.  I think part of their concern was that my property was going to fall into absolute disrepair again.”

Jax was a little surprised at how much her first sentiment resonated with him. In fact he had only recently become aware of the fact that his own persistent tendency of keeping track of the favors he owed Sylvia was just an excuse to spend more time with her. He had thought that he had a bit more self awareness than that, but in fact he had become so accustomed to loneliness that he had almost become unaware of it.

He knew that Sylvia would never say any of this to hurt him, but regardless he felt an increasing pang of guilt in his chest as he spoke. The fact that he had caused her pain was something he intended to make up for in actions rather than words -- although he had no idea how to even begin. Despite the guilt he felt he also felt somewhat content with the fact that Sylvia felt comfortable enough to share this level of honesty with him.

“Ah. We can’t have that.” He laughed softly, then took a sip of his tea. Jax thought that Sylvia was letting him off way too easy, but he wasn’t going to complain about it. He sighed. “Thanks for coming, Syl. I know I was kind of a bastard about it at first.” He nearly winced at the slightly-foggy memory of the way he’d acted when she first showed up at his apartment. “To be honest with you, I don’t know where I would be without you. Definitely not in a good place.”

“I don’t have to do it, but I want to.  Besides, I don’t think I could stand to look at your miserable face much longer.  And I knew it’d be twice as miserable once you woke up with a hangover.”  She offered him a wry smile that turned into a look of shock at his joking accusation.  Sylvia bristled and poked him in the forehead.

“You started it!  And I’ll have you know I pulled away before I really took advantage of you.”  That was embarrassing to admit, and she immediately covered her face with her hands to hide her red face.  “I didn’t say that and you didn’t hear that.  Just eat your stupid food.”  She stood up and returned to the kitchen to pour herself her own cup of tea.  There was going to be unbearable tension until they talked about this, but she wasn’t sure she could defend herself against Jax’s teasing.  As she had already told him, she wasn’t good with the whole ‘relationships’ thing.

Sylvia returned to the couch with her own mug of tea and sat down next to him.  A part of her wished she had cooked something for herself, but she didn’t buy enough groceries to keep them both fed.  “Aside from the lobotomy, how do you feel?  You’re going to have to eat a lot of protein and carbs to get yourself in working order again.  The ginger should keep the nausea down.”  This was from personal experience, although she didn’t know if Jax had the same awful type of hangovers she tended to barely survive.

“We don’t have to talk about why you went into your depressive spiral of self hatred and destruction because we both know why it happened.  But you do need to accept that what’s done is done, and you have to move forward.  That’s the last I’ll say on the matter.”  She took a sip of her tea and glanced at his plate of food.  Ugh, she really should’ve bought more.

“I hope the eggs are fine.  I always cook mine over easy but I know not everyone likes them the same way.”

Jax barely managed to stifle his laughter at Sylvia’s reaction to his teasing. He figured that she had put up with quite enough already, and could probably use a little break. Still, he was in a remarkably good mood despite the pounding in his head. While she was up fixing her own cup of tea Jax moved the plate from his lap to the coffee table, and dragged the table a bit closer to the couch.

He sipped some more tea as she sat down, then picked up a slice of toast and bit into it. The apple butter was almost cloyingly sweet after tasting almost exclusively alcohol for the past couple of days. “I think I’d probably be throwing up right this second if there was anything in me to come up. But I think I’ll be fine if I take it slow.”

That was the hope, at any rate, as he observed once again how thin his hands and forearms. Now that he was finally sober he could appreciate how destructive and irresponsible his depressive spiral had been. He chewed slowly on a slice of bacon, nodding silently as he endured the gentle chiding Sylvia delivered.

“The eggs are perfect, Syl.” He assured her as he sliced into one with the edge of his fork, watching the golden yolk slowly flow onto the plate. He glanced at her and saw her eying the food, and cracked a small smile. “It’s way too much food, though. I’ll probably have to work myself up to being able to eat this much in one sitting. You should help me out, or half of it’ll probably end up going to waste.”

He motioned toward the other slice of toast and the generous serving of bacon still on the plate. Shoveling another bite of egg mixed with bacon into his mouth, his expression seemed pensive for a moment. “I’ll work on opening up more around you. I wish I could say that I’m like this because of what happened with Interpol, but honestly, I’ve been this way all my life. Never really let anyone get close to me, sort of kept everyone at arm’s length. But, I don’t know. Having you close doesn’t seem so bad.”

Sylvia sat quietly as Jax made himself comfortable.  When he gently tugged on her hair she flushed red again, embarrassed by how wildly her heart was attempting to beat out of her chest.  “I-It’s fine.  I’m not bothered by it.”  At least she wasn’t bothered in a bad way.  She sighed at the seriousness in his voice; at least he was self aware that he tended to keep himself closed off.  Perhaps him being drunk wasn’t entirely bad, if he could at least admit his shortcomings even for a moment.

Her heart thumped again when he said he wanted to kiss before this happened.  “I’m glad you said that; I was a little bit afraid that you were going to walk out of here after you sobered up and disappear for real.”  She smiled at her own joke, glad that he couldn’t see her face.  “If I’m completely honest, I’ve wanted to kiss you for awhile as well.  I’m not really, ah, good, with relationship stuff.”  Sylvia stared at her hands as she wrung them.  “I’m not sure I’m confident enough to ever make the first move.”

She finally turned around to look at him; her face heated up the moment she noticed their close proximity.  “Now go to sleep before I knock you out myself.  You should wake up at least mostly sober.  Probably with a pounding headache, but I have the cure for that.”  Sylvia pressed a kiss to his forehead before turning around again to look at her phone.  “Sleep.  No arguments.”  She waited for what felt like forever before his breathing evened out and he appeared to be sleeping.

She ordered some groceries on her phone to be delivered so that she could cook him something when he woke up, as well as ordering the only boxed brand of tea she trusted.  After working up the courage to face the task, she even managed to clean out the bathroom before he woke up.  After unpacking the groceries, she started to cook up a breakfast for dinner so that Jax wouldn’t be quite as miserable when he woke up.

He began to stir awake just as she was putting the finishing touches on her fried eggs.  “Hey sleepy head.  You slept for three hours, so I suppose I’ll allow you to wake up now.  I’m about to make your plate.”  Sylvia slid two of the fried eggs onto the plate along with two pieces of toast with apple butter, five pieces of bacon, a small side of hashbrowns that she topped off with some melted cheese.  She carried the plate in one hand and a large cup of ginger tea in the other as she approached him, kneeling next to the couch to hand it over.

“This will instantly cure your hangover.”

“I won’t disappear anymore.” Jax assured her, his voice low but earnest. He knew she was joking, but there was a ring of truth there that didn’t sit right with him; he hadn’t treated her fairly in the past. He couldn’t help but smile as Sylvia admitted that she wanted to kiss him as well. Jax thought that he had gotten that sort of vibe from her once or twice, but he had never been sure that it wasn’t just wishful thinking.

He was about to tell her that she didn’t have to be good at relationship stuff, that he’d utterly and inescapably fallen for her in her natural state. But before his drunken mind could form the words Sylvia was ushering him to sleep, and he decided that perhaps that was the best idea. He didn’t exactly trust himself to make good decisions in his current state.

“Alright, alright. Goodnight, Syl.” Jax allowed his eyes to drift closed as Sylvia kissed his forehead. He loathed to admit it to himself, but having her close made him less afraid of the prospect of sleep. It was as if he somehow knew that her presence would be enough to ward off the dreaded images that haunted him as he slept. Before long he was soundly asleep, and instead of nightmares he dreamed that he was on a boat, sitting with Xan in his lap and Nash curled up at his feet, watching as Sylvia steered the gently swaying vessel with her capable hands, her bright orange hair blowing softly in the ocean breeze.

The smell of breakfast woke him up, and as he slowly came to his senses he could hear sizzling and the scraping of a spatula coming from his small kitchen. Although he attempted to get up slowly, a piercing pain shot through his head. Jax hissed quietly and brought his hand up to his head. His disheveled hair fell in front of his eyes and the deep bags under his eyes completed his miserable look.

“I feel like I just had a lobotomy.” He muttered gloomily as Sylvia approached him with his plate and mug. Looking into her cheery face was like staring directly into the sun, but not in a terribly awful way. He took the plate and balanced it on his lap, and immediately took a drink of the pungent and slightly spicy tea. “You know you didn’t have to do all this.”

He set the mug onto the coffee table and looked at the hearty breakfast she had prepared. It looked delicious, and now that he really thought about it, he was starving. He hadn’t bothered to cook for himself at all while he was in his slump, and looking at his wrists and hands could tell that he had lost some weight as a result. “This looks delicious. Thanks, Syl.”

Sylvia had no time to react as Jax pulled her in for a gentle kiss.  Her eyes were wide at first, but she closed them as he cupped her neck.  She laid her own hand lightly against his cheek, her other hand was placed on top of his.  It was a peaceful moment – the few seconds the kiss happened – but then she remembered he wasn’t in his right mind and immediately pulled back.  Sylvia coughed into her hand, embarrassed by her moment of weakness as her face turned scarlet.

“M-Maybe we can try that again when you’re not drunk, and I don’t feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”  She retrieved the washcloth that had been thrown to the side and gently pushed him back into the couch again.  Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest as she placed the cloth against his forehead again.  This exact scenario wasn’t exactly something she’d cooked up in her imagination, but something vaguely similar might have occurred to her once or twice while she was daydreaming.  Now she felt a bit like she was going to die as she sat next to him again; she clasped her hands and squeezed her knees together.  Of course he had to be drunk when he pulled a move like this.  It was highly uncharacteristic – but maybe that wasn’t so bad.

She stared at the wall in silence for a moment before she worked up the courage to look at him again.  “You’re always so on guard; it’s extremely frustrating.”  Sylvia carefully reached out to take one of Jax’s hands in her own.  “You don’t have to be on guard around me.”  She gave him a small smile, but quickly became embarrassed again and shot out of her seat.  “I’ll go get a blanket, you need to take a real nap and not a liquor nap.”  Sylvia chided herself as she stalked into Jax’s room and swiped a pillow and blanket off the bed.  She was being silly, like a stupid school girl with a lame crush.  Pull it together!

She quickly returned with the pillow and fluffed it up before laying it against one of the arm rests and tossed the blanket into a heap on Jax’s lap.  “Lay down and sleep.  I’m not going anywhere.”  With that, she sat cross legged on the ground, her head next to the pillow.

Jax hadn’t been entirely sure what he was expecting; his current frame of mind wasn’t optimal for reflection or forethought. But a moment after recovering from her initial shock, she kissed him back. He was suddenly filled with such an electrifying feeling of affection that it surprised him at first, as if he had completely forgotten what pure, overwhelming happiness felt like. Or that such a feeling was even possible for him anymore. For a moment nothing else mattered, just the feeling of her lips, and the gentle touch of her hand against his.

She pulled away suddenly, and Jax watched bemusedly as a blush bloomed on Sylvia’s face. Cute, he thought simply, her current expression was so incredibly cute that he had an urge to pull her in again for another kiss, but he knew better.  He was vaguely aware that he was going to have some regrets later -- certainly not the kiss itself, so much as the awful timing of it -- but he pushed the thoughts back down as soon as they attempted to surface. That was a problem for Sober Jax to deal with.

Through a slight haze he felt the coolness of the damp cloth against his forehead again, and he yielded quietly as Sylvia gently pushed him back into a more relaxed position on the couch. She sat down on the couch beside him, taking his hand, and when he looked at her the vulnerable expression that had settled into her features made his heart jump in his chest a little. His head was still spinning slightly, and before he could formulate a coherent thought she was standing again, saying something about going to get a blanket.

Jax sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to pull himself together while Sylvia was in the bedroom. He knew he was acting like an idiot, but it genuinely felt his thoughts were swimming around in some kind of thick syrup. When Sylvia returned and ordered him to lay down he didn’t bother trying to argue. He stretched out on the couch as well as he could, spreading the blanket over top of him, and laid his head on the pillow. But he didn’t try to sleep right away, instead he turned onto his side to face Sylvia, her head was very close to his as she sat on the floor. He reached out and tugged lightly on a lock of her soft orange hair.

Sylvia huffed and folded her arms as he scolded her.  She could tell that he was more upset with the situation than he was specifically with her, but that didn’t mean he could admonish her for trying to help.  “Well someone needs to do something.  You can’t just lay around in your own filth for weeks on end.  I understand that you’re not feeling well right now, but you didn’t have to avoid me for so long.  If you had called me sooner this placed wouldn’t be so trashed, and you wouldn’t look like you’ve been lost at sea for a month.”

After a moment she sighed and sat next to him on the couch.  “I can’t imagine how you feel; I know this.  I know I’m never going to understand what you went through.  But you don’t have to keep going through it alone.  You act like you don’t need help when you clearly do.  I’m not trying to be a pain, but you seem to think you have to suffer in silence by yourself.  You don’t!  You don’t have to!  You can lean on me.  It’s not going to bother me.”

She watched for his reaction, but he simply stayed still with his eyes still closed.  Another sigh escaped her lips and she folded her hands in her lap.  “You don’t have to talk about it now.  But you’re going to need to work through it eventually.  Otherwise you’ll be going through a depressive episode every other month, and I’m not going to deep clean your apartment every seven weeks just because you decide to disappear off the face of the planet.”

Sylvia stood up and approached the kitchen; after scavenging around her managed to find a clean dish rag and ran it under some cool water.  She rung out the water and neatly folded it before returning to Jax’s side and laying it across his forehead.  “You need some vitamin B and C.  It’ll help with the hangover.  Chamomile tea will be beneficial as well.  Did you realize that all the food in your fridge is expired?  I had to toss all of it.”

Jax narrowed his eyes at her slightly but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t as if he had anything to say in his defense anyway, and he simply didn’t have the energy to argue. His eyes had drifted back closed as he felt her sit beside him on the couch. 

Her concern for him only made the guilt settling in his stomach feel even heavier. While he was more relieved that he would ever admit that Sylvia cared enough about him to even put up with him in his current state, he was also growing increasingly annoyed with himself. Why had it been so difficult for him to reach out to her, just once? Why was it still so hard? His lips seemed to be sealed shut, although he knew she was right about everything.

Past the throbbing in the back of his head Jax could vaguely hear the sound of Sylvia rustling around in the kitchen, then the faucet running briefly. A moment later the cool touch of a cloth being laid over his forehead. He finally opened his eyes and saw Sylvia leaning slightly over him. She was scolding him now, in her gentle way. He knew that was what she was doing, although he wasn’t totally paying attention to the words. He was looking at her lips as they moved and suddenly he was hit by a sudden impulse.

He sat up a little straighter, pulling the cloth off of his forehead with one hand and with the other, gently gripping Sylvia’s arm and pulling her toward him just enough to close the distance. His heart sped up in his chest; he had been suppressing the vague idea of kissing Sylvia for weeks, or even months. It was a complication they certainly didn’t need, and besides he had no idea if she felt the same way about him. But now he was drunk and all those concerns didn’t seem to matter right this second.

Sylvia sighed, rolling back on her heels as she wrapped her arms around her legs.  She was half tempted to snatch the bottle from him again, but it seemed pointless.  “You don’t have to have an excuse.  But you need to pull yourself together, okay?  You can’t sit here in the dark, surrounded by trash, and drinking yourself to death.”  She changed her mind and removed the whiskey from his clutches again; she placed it behind her back and furrowed her brow.

“You’re going to get up right now and take a shower.  No ifs, ands, or buts.”  Sylvia stood up and grabbed his arm, yanking him up into a standing position.  He was basically dead weight, but through sheer determination she was able to march him into his bathroom.  This room was just as wrecked as the kitchen and living room.  She scrunched her nose at the smell; it was a mix of so many different disgusting things so she was unable to put a name to the source.

“Arceus Jax, how are you even still alive?”  Sylvia yanked back the curtain and determined that the shower was still clean enough that she was fine with letting Jax use it.  “Wash yourself, I’m begging you.”  She noticed a bottle of Jack sitting on the ledge of the tub and grabbed that as well.  “Wash yourself without drinking.”  Luckily there was a clean towel in a cabinet next to the sink; she closed the toilet lid and laid it on top.  “If you’re not out in 30 minutes I’ll assume you’re dead and have to come retrieve your naked body.  I’ll put some clothes under the towel so that you can change into something not…drenched in sweat and dirt when you get out.”

With that she closed the door behind her; his room was also trashed, but it was the least trashed room thus far.  She dug around his drawers for clean clothes and waited until she was sure he was in the shower to enter again.  “Remember, 30 minutes.”  With that she exited the bathroom a second time and returned to the living room.  A heavy sigh escaped her as she entered the kitchen to find cleaning supplies.  She might as well clean the place up while she waited for him to finish.

Allowing himself to be led into the bathroom, Jax simply shrugged his shoulders at her initial question. It was obviously rhetorical so he decided against making a smart-ass remark and risk upsetting Sylvia further. Catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror he wasn’t exactly surprised to see the dark circles under his eyes and the five-o-clock shadow that had grown in since he last saw his own reflection.

“That would be a tragedy.” He attempted to say light-heartedly in response to her having to retrieve his dead body from the shower, but his voice was rough and flat. He decided to give up on the endeavor of attempting to appear alright; while that was something that usually came naturally to him, it now took more energy than he had. He pulled his shirt over his head as Sylvia was on her way out the door to find him some clean clothes.

The shower water was nearly scalding as he stepped in, but he barely seemed to notice. His movements were sluggish but he did as Sylvia asked, making sure to do a thorough job. Jax was sure that she would force him into the shower a second time if she wasn’t satisfied that he had put his heart into the task. After a while turned off the water and dried himself off before dressing himself in the clothes Sylvia had picked out for him.

When he came out of the bathroom his damp hair hung in soft waves in front of his eyes. He hadn’t bothered shaving after his shower, but he had at least brushed his teeth, and generally looked and smelled much nicer than he had before. When he saw that Sylvia had been cleaning up while he was in the shower he found that he wasn’t exactly surprised, but a fresh wave of self-loathing hit him.

She had told herself not to worry, but that was five days after Jax started ghosting her.  Now she was at nearly three weeks without hearing a single thing from him, and she was sick of waiting around for a call.  Part of her was worried that he might actually be dead, but she wasn’t going to jump to conclusions – yet, anyway.  It was a lucky break that she had been to Jax’s apartment once before; he wasn’t going to be able to hide from her much longer.

Sylvia stood outside his door and politely knocked.  After that didn’t work, it turned into a loud banging.  It was a solid five minutes before she gave up on that and started ratting the doorknob instead.  “Jax!  Let me in!”  She paused to press her ear to the door; there was no sound, but she just knew he was on the other side.  Sylvia cursed quietly as she dug around in her bag for some bobby pins.  She wasn’t very good at picking locks, but she was getting desperate.

After several tries she heard the door click; Sylvia practically slammed it into the wall to get inside his apartment.  She was horrified to see the place was trashed, with an equally trashed Jax sitting on the floor.  Liquor bottles littered the floor, fast food bags were strewn everywhere, and his sink was piled high with dirty dishes.  She quietly closed the door behind her before marching up to Jax and snatching the bottle of whiskey out of his hand.

“Jax, it’s been three weeks.  You haven’t answered a single text or call in three weeks!”  Sylvia knocked trash off the table to slam the liquor bottle down; she crouched in front of him and snapped her fingers in his face.  “Do you even hear me?”  He looked dazed, almost comatose even as she gently slapped his cheek.  “You look like shit.”  She regretted the words immediately after saying them, but it was the truth.  His eyes were still unfocused as she sighed.  Maybe start small and less accusatory.  Her voice softened.

“When’s the last time you showered?”

Jax was vaguely aware of the light clicking sounds of the lock being picked, but even that wasn’t enough to make him move from his spot on the floor. He had heard Sylvia’s voice on the other side of the door, so he was at least semi-positive that the presence attempting to get inside wasn’t a threatening one; just as long as he hadn’t been imagining the voice, which was a possibility that he couldn’t overlook.

His eyes were closed, and he was already halfway asleep when the bottle in his hand was plucked from his loosening grip. It wasn’t until the sound of the bottle being slammed onto the coffee table echoed in the once quiet apartment did he finally crack his eyes open. Sylvia was there, crouched in front of him, snapping her slender fingers in front of his face.

She began slapping his cheek when he didn’t respond; Jax nearly laughed when she told him he looked like shit, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. His expression remained blank, his usually sharp golden eyes now decidedly dull and glazed as he looked at her.

There was a feeling of guilt attempting to surface from the depths of his whisky-drowned mind. He supposed he was aware that it had been three weeks since he had last spoken to her, and each time he had told himself he would return her calls later he had known that he was lying to himself.

“I don’t know. Two or three days ago I guess.” Jax finally spoke, his voice low and a bit rough from disuse over the past few weeks. It was a lie, of course; he might have last showered two or three days ago, or perhaps as much as a week. The truth was he didn’t remember. “My perception of time is a little fucked at the moment.”

Jax leaned forward, his gaze still locked on hers. If he was aware of the fact that their faces were nearly touching he didn’t show it. His expression remained detached as one of his hands groped the table behind her until it found the bottle again. It nearly tipped over, but his fingers curled around it just in time.

Sylvia was getting ready to pull out another piece of music to show Jax when he stated his intention to leave.  She held back a pout; he’d already been up all night helping her, and he’d certainly had a…rough beginning to the night in the first place.  She pushed the bench back and stood up as she began to collect the music scattered throughout the room.

“Alright, alright, we both know I’ll trap you here forever otherwise.”  Jax knew she was going to worry about him; it didn’t matter if he asked her not to.  Sylvia tilted her head at his smile but offered her own smile back.  “I’m going to worry about you no matter what, but I won’t make you stay.  But please be careful.”  Her brows furrowed.  “Don’t do anything stupid.  At least not with me.”  She punched him in the shoulder as she headed for the front door.

The curtains were drawn in the small apartment, shielding the inside from the unnatural light of the street lamps outside. Where it was usually neat and tidy, the floor was littered here and there with empty bottles. The smell of alcohol permeated the air.

He started awake, golden hues snapping open and glancing around, momentarily disoriented from the sudden change of scenery. One minute he had been in the graveyard that Sylvia had once taken him to -- except the corpse inside the casket hadn’t been his old friend Miller. Sylvia had somehow taken his place. Sylvia, once lovely and lively, with hollow eye sockets and a decayed window through her cheek exposing the teeth and jaw; nimble, piano-playing fingers replaced with slender white bones.

He shuddered, clutching the neck of the bottle that he had managed to hold onto as he dozed. He wasn’t sitting on the couch, rather on the floor in front of the couch with his back leaning against the upholstery. Tipping the bottle back against his lips, he ignored the burn of whiskey in the back of his throat. He had given up on glasses; every one he owned sat in the sink, unwashed.