I’m going back out there because it’s my job. Okay? And I can’t do my job and babysit. It doesn’t matter what you did, or what you were. If you go out there, you fight, and you fight to kill. if you step out that door, you are an Avenger.

feel free to edit for pronouns/tense, etc.

cw for strong language, sexual / adult themes, alcohol mention, etc.

“did you want to have a family someday?”

“it’s about time we had some vampires up in here.”

“you made me pee a little!”

“i’ll tell you what you can eat…a dick.”

“you heard what i said. don’t make me say it again.” 

“this situation is a shit sandwich.”

“i don’t like being treated like a meat ornament!”

“i swear on my favorite boy band, i’m going to kill him.”

“i will be down and back before you can say redheads do it better.”

“you had me tied to a stripper pole.”

“i’ve seen monks with more shit.”

“grief gives rise to much confession.”

“gone like the girl in gone girl! the movie and the book!”

“like my selfies and slide into my dm’s like a normal person!”

“i only call in sick during shark week.”

“nice deflection, michael jordan.”

“her purse is bigger than my vehicle.”

“you can say ass.”

“i’d love to talk about her later.”

“where’s mama?”

“i’m gonna drink for her.”

“can’t you be sober for once?”

“she got even more pissed and tossed me into the closet…ironically.”

“i don’t need to get laid!”

“you’re already a lesbian.”

“i saw carrie. i know what’s up.”

“are we finally going to see your sex cave?”

“haven’t you been arrested like, 500 times?”

“i really wish you would stop helping.”

“i feel college.”

“i know she’s good in bed because my house has very thin walls.” 

“can you at least pretend you didn’t give birth on this table?”

“i feel dizzy!”

“they were the first two to grab some birds and rub them on their bees.”

“i smoke cigarettes behind the church instead of ever going in.”

“maybe we need more lube.”

“usually when you wake up in a strange room, you gotta spend the whole day at a walk-in clinic after.”

feel free to edit for pronouns/tense, etc.

cw for strong language, sexual / adult themes, alcohol mention, gun mention, etc.

“i brought you a shirt, put on your coffee.”

“i get it. you’re a lesbian, not a unicorn!”

“when i see something i like, i don’t want to wait.” 

“i’d never ask you to be someone you’re not.”

“what kind of person wants to be a gunslinger?” 

“make your peace.”

“but everyone hates you!”

“sometimes you get so close to cool, then cool makes a run for it.”

“i hate it when i’m right…i meant sober.” 

“they’re speculating that your penis is small!”

“you seem to be at the intersection of misery and despair.” 

“dudes dig scars.” 

“this is not the kind of penetration i’m used to.” 

“at best, she’s my girlfriend.”

“i got all 34 of your texts.” 

“weak is something you’ve never been.”

“i’m running out of goddamn time.”

“eat shit, shit eaters!” 

“i’m supposed to go find all the people i’ve hurt and beg their stupid forgiveness.” 

“heroes always win.”

“welcome to team ‘shut up and do what he says’.”

“sometimes we get donuts!”

“do i get a badge? a code name? oh my god, a flamethrower?” 

“i’m starting to think sanity is overrated.” 

“how can somebody so pretty be so smart?”

“they’re not mutually exclusive.” 

“i am the girl with the big ass gun.”

“do you come with a translation app?”

“i chose you because you were angry.”

Especially if it’s something you’re too shy or afraid to ask off-anon. 

i’m not going to hurt you because you made a mistake.

you shouldn’t have to see all this.

did you have a nightmare?

so now you can relax. i can take care of you. you don’t have to fight so hard.

i know you don’t like strangers.

i don’t want to just survive.

did somebody hurt you?

that’s it. shh. shh. you’re okay.

some things you’ve got to face as a family.

i’m trying to say that i’m glad you’re here.

take your time.

why would i send you away?

yes, a bath. you can plan on having a bath every night while you’re here.

it’s lucky i went after you.

wash yourself off in the bathroom, then go to your room and stay there.

your bandage is filthy already.

would you like some breakfast?

then eat. i know you can’t be full.

you must have been scared.

did you finish your supper?

you could sleep here

can you get up the stairs? what happened to you?

if someone gave you enough to eat, but didn’t keep you clean or healthy or ever show you any kind of love, how would you feel?

i’m going to be sick.

what am i supposed to do with you?

i’ll try to do better.