How to destroy yourself: Fall in love with him. Fall in love with the way he walks. Fall in love with the way his eyes change from green to grey in the summertime. Fall in love with the way he brushes his hair out of his eyes when he’s nervous. Fall in love with his sweaty palms. Fall in love with the way he looks at you. Fall in love with the way he whispers your name. Fall in love with the taste of his mouth. Of his skin. Of his hair. Fall in love with his bony chest and the scar he got on his stomach when he was seventeen. Fall in love with the way he tells you that you remind him of his sister. Fall in love with the sadness in his eyes when he’s broken, and how they can only be brought back to life when you kiss him. Fall in love with his laughter. Laughing with him. Hearing him happy. Fall in love with the sound of him listening to you. Fall in love with the love in his eyes when he watches you gaze out the window during long car rides. Fall in love with the way he entangles his fingers into your hair. Fall in love with his voice in the morning. Fall in love with the way he can’t fall asleep without making sure you know how much he loves you. Start to recognize the change of tone in his voice when he says goodnight. Watch him divert his eyes to the floor when he’s talking to you instead of looking in your eyes. Notice how he stops paying any interest to your dreams. Wonder what you did wrong. Realize that there was nothing you could’ve done to prevent this from happening anyway. Cry. Miss him. Cry again. Fall asleep shaking. Beg for him back. Listen to his voicemails 13 times in an attempt to remember what his voice sounded like. Fall asleep inside cold sheets where he used to keep you warm. See him on the boardwalk holding a pretty blonde girl’s hand. Realize it’s really over. Realize he hasn’t thought about holding you since the night he said he’ll “always love you, but he just doesn’t want to do this anymore.” Miss him like hell. Fall apart in the middle of a crowded room. Wake up with tears stained onto your cheeks. Miss him again. Repeat.
(via myheartin--words)
