Melissa Camp

well done.

So I just had one almighty fucking breakdown trying to reverse out of my dad's driveway. I've been trying my absolute best with dealing with almost every single person I come across thinking they can act like a fucking cunt nut for the silliest little reasons. Is it the time of year? Do people seek arguments? It makes me sad that people feel they have to lash out and find a dispute. Driving? Tailgaters, BMW drivers, etc. People in shops? Shove you, hiss at you, give you poisonous looks like you've just pissed in their grandmother's face. The woman tonight? Didn't bother to check a car coming out of a driveway at a maximum of 2mph, driven by a very safe driver who always checks mirrors, a little too much perhaps. Smacks on the driver side window screeching "OI don't check ya fucking mirrors do ya?!" And processing to do the same on the passenger side. This was with a girl of approximately 9 years old, and a dog. Such lovely behaviour. At this point I fucking lost it, screaming, and I mean from the bottom of my gut let everything out scream. I lost count how many times I called the humanity a cunt. So I had to go back in the house to calm down, to which my 15 year old brother said something pretty wisdomous, along the lines of "well, that child is not going to grow up right with that sort or attitude. Sad." Okay, rant over.

I've managed to surround myself with people more or less for the past week, and hardly allowed myself to think about you. Then I realise it's a Sunday evening, usually time for us when we would make a lovely dinner, and watch some crap tv and have lovely hugs on the sofa, and then reality hit and I was sitting on my bedroom floor, surrounded by crap, trying to make a new home for myself. And you're not in it. You're not there. And I'm allowing myself to cry this evening.