dev

She sighed, softer this time, rubbing her temple. “I don’t even know how to get a DNA test, or when, or if that’s something you do in a clinic or at Walgreens. And honestly…” she hesitated, voice dipping, “I don’t even know if I want to keep it.”

"i mean i just assumed you'd have more of a clue than me! aren't girls like taught about this shit growing up?!" the more and more they spoke the more he realized how unqualified to be someone's parent they both were. he truthfully felt relief when kristina revealed the fact she may not even want to keep it. he swallowed thickly and nodded his head slowly. both his hands rubbed up and down the space of his thighs in an attempt to self soothe; they both couldn't continue to fly off of the handle. "we just need to figure out if you're actually pregnant. those tests can be wrong, right? so like we need to call a doctor and get that figured out. then we can just offload the questions on the doctor since neither of us know fucking anything about this process." sawyer's solution was basically tell a trusted adult because he may have been grown up but he had the mind of a fucked up teenager who'd done too many drugs in his free time.

sawyer had assumed her daughter, savannah, wasn't here due to the fact she was allowing him into her home. she was a good mom and that was something he really respected about her. his eyes danced around her home as he'd never been inside before seeing as she always came to his for pick ups. the space was way nicer than his mom's which was very old and cluttered seeing as the woman was on disability and sawyer didn't have the care or willpower to tidy up the place. it was a waste seeing as the only people who came over were hospice nurses and people looking to buy drugs. his eyes returned to riley as soon as the name rio left her mouth. he knew rio was violent and an asshole but he didn't assume those behaviors extended toward women. without thinking he closed the space between them as she brushed her hair back to get a good look at her injury. "not that bad?!" he repeated in a clearly upset and slightly raised tone. he forced himself to take a deep breath and reevaluate his tone toward her. the last thing he needed to do was scare her when he'd already caused this. "i'll fucking kill him," he muttered to mostly himself as he studied the bruise. he exhaled and took a step back to collect himself. he paced around a bit and ran both of his hands through his hair. "i'm sorry, riley. this is my fault for being too much of a pansy to sell to you." sawyer wasn't usually in the business of apologizing but he owed it to her. "look, don't go to anyone else, okay? i'll sell to you again. shit, i owe you a fucking free ounce after causing this shit."

"really?" ezra asked unsure if sebastian was being truthful or simply nice. he bit his bottom lip as he tilted his head and looked at himself in the mirror. "tell me the truth before it's too late to change and i'm out there looking like an idiot in front of a bunch of drunk strangers." he turned his attention and his body to sebastian who looked good as always. he'd much rather go out and have all the attention on his friend and not himself. ezra did better as the awkward friend who stood there and only interjected on the conversation minimally.

"are you sure?" ezra thought aloud and tilted his head to the side a bit as he caught a glimpse of his own reflection. he definetly didn't think he looked bad but the thought of parading around the club for everyone to see in this made his cheeks turn pink. he shook his head in a matter of fact way before turning his attention back to nathan. "i think i need to change. i can throw something else together real quick." he bit his lip nervously and started back toward his room to change.

sawyer was unsure of what he'd expected when riley opened the door. he'd been so caught up in his head on what he should say to her that he honestly hadn't quite noticed the bruise until she started messing with her hair trying to cover it. he furrowed his brows and stepped toward her. "you got hurt? is that why you haven't been answering me?" there was concern clear as day in his voice. the bruise was angry and seen bruises similar on his mom growing up; that was before his dad had completely disappeared from his life. a pit formed in his stomach as he looked at her. "what happened?" question after question left his mouth. it was like he'd completely forgotten what he'd initially come here to say. he'd been a bit frustrated with her mere moments ago but that was all forgotten now. he reached out to move the hair away from her face but hesitated. he had no right to do that. he had no right to her. this was all so frustrating and confusing and the feelings only worsened now that he saw her in some state of need. his brain was screaming at him to fix something he knew nothing about. "can i just come inside? it's fucking freezing out here." it was cold but it was merely an excuse to be allowed in and find out more.

it was getting close to a week since sawyer had last heard from riley. several of his text messages and calls had gone unanswered and he was beginning to feel like an ex who couldn't take a hint. that didn't stop him from showing up at her house unannounced and camping outside in his car as he tried to work up the nerve to go up there and knock on her front door. riley had said she wanted this like he had. had she lied to him? was she ghosting him? he'd wracked his brain for days going crazy over if he'd read the situation completely wrong. "fuck it," sawyer grumbled to himself as he got out of his car and headed up to her front door. he removed one hand from his pocket and wrapped his fist against the door before he could chicken out of it. what was the worst that could happen? if she told him to fuck off and leave her alone at least he'd have clarity on the situation. he shifted his weight back and forth from each foot as he nervously waited to face her.

The air seemed to thicken around her. She pressed her palms flat against the table, grounding herself, wishing she didn’t feel like the floor was tilting. “I wish I could give you a clear answer, Sawyer. I do. But we weren’t… exclusive.” The last word stung coming out, a reminder of all the blurred nights and stupid choices that had led her here.

"you don't know?" he repeated the words in the most exasperated of tones. sawyer was caught between feeling relieved and irritated that she was unsure if it was his kid or not. on one hand that meant his life was potentially not completely over anymore, and on the other it meant they had some figuring out to do together. he let out an audible sigh and shook his head as he looked toward the ground. this wasn't the first time he'd been in a situation like this but typically the girl knew for sure he was the one who'd knocked her up. "so, what do you want me to pay for like a dna test or something?" he had no clue what the next step in this situation was. he did know though that he would not be providing for a baby that was potentially not his. "do you have to have the thing before we figure out if it's mine? i really don't know how this shit works." to say sawyer had no decorum or tact would be putting it very nicely.

he rolled his eyes at the way she tried to dismiss what he was saying. he was very aware of the fact he talked too much, thought too much, and sometimes did too much but he couldn't help it. if they were going to continue hooking up with one another he needed some structure to it because if there was none he'd fall completely in love with her. truthfully he was going to fall for her whether there was rules or not. he let out an exasperated sigh at her words about him using his mouth for a better purpose than he currently was. "stop trying to distract me from what i'm trying to talk about. we only have to have this conversation once and then we can have fun. don't you want that?" sawyer kind of hated how whiny he sounded right now. he wasn't used to being the one who wanted to talk about things and figure them out. typically he was the one who just wanted to fuck and leave the morning after. he didn't wanna scare her away but he also didn't wanna get in over his head. sawyer playfully rolled his eyes at her comment about the unlikely nature of him fucking any of her friends. "hey, you never know. i might be their type. i'll just be sure not to tell you about it when it happens." he said with an annoying smirk and a nonchalant shrug. he was a douche but not that much of a douche. he also happened to actually care about riley so he'd never do something like that to her. he tucked a piece of hair that was astray behind her ear as he kept his eyes on her. "okay, we'll keep it simple. i can do that. i like the sound of that." his words sounded more like they were to convince himself rather than to convince riley. "now do you wanna actually get back in bed or has the moment kind of passed?"

as riley agreed with his words sawyer was almost certain he'd ruined this completely and successfully pushed her away but before he knew it her lips were pressed against his once again. the kiss stole the breath right from his lungs as he closed his eyes and knit his fingers in her hair. his brain didn't even have to take the time to tell his body what to do. from the moment she was kissing him he was kissing her back. it was like it was all he physically knew how to do in the moment. his heart raced even faster in his chest than it had mere moments before and his mind raced just as quickly. he pulled away breathlessly to look at her, her eyes still closed as they'd been mid-kiss. "we need to lay down some ground rules for this." sawyer's words came out all rushed and sloppy. his chest heaved and his lips burned from where they'd just been connected with hers. "we both agree we shouldn't date but we obviously can't stay apart from eachother either." he couldn't resist stealing another quick kiss from her before continuing to speak and try to figure whatever this was between them out. "let's start off with the obvious stuff like we can see other people, right? but i don't wanna hear about who else you're fucking. that's just gonna piss me off and make me do something stupid." the thought of having to hear about some other guy taking riley out and making her happy made his blood boil ever so slightly. "we also need to put some sort of limit on how much we can see eachother. this can't be an everyday thing." because if sawyer had it his way he'd have riley with him every minute of everyday. "now your turn. i need to hear where your head is at. give me a rule." that should be easy for her he thought to himself.

his plan was working and yet sawyer felt this lurching in his stomach that was telling him to not let her go. something was screaming in his mind that if he made riley leave now in this way then they'd truly never be together like this again and the thought of that left him feeling empty inside. it was the right thing to do though, right? it was the responsible thing to do? sawyer didn't know much about being responsible. shit, he still lived at home with his mother and sold weed for a living. he let out an audible sigh as he looked down at his feet and contemplated what to do next. his teeth stayed knitted in his bottom lip as riley took her sweet time clothing herself. he knew she wasn't bluffing when she said he'd soon garner no response from her when he sent his late night texts to her. his eyes finally flitted back up to hers and he felt like a complete idiot in the moment. his feelings for her complicated everything and that's why he was trying to shove her away but now that she was going he wanted to pull her back in somehow. he wanted to keep her on the hook just a bit. he reached for her wrist and looked at her with eyes filled with an unspoken feeling flowing between the two of them. "tell me you're not mad at me before you go please. i don't want this to end on a bad note." his fingers trailed down the inside of her soft arm before interlinking their fingers. his heart thudded against his chest and he felt his pulse quicken just from that action. "you know i can't just fuck you without wanting more. you also know we'd be a really fucked up couple if we tried and i don't wanna ruin things between us more than i already have." he knew this wasn't fair of him to do but he couldn't help himself. he could only bullshit and pretend not to care momentarily with her.

sawyer laid on his back staring up at the ceiling and panting softly as riley's voice filled the air. it was like as soon as they'd both finished reality settled in and he was nervous about this happening all over again. he side eyed her slightly and sat up in bed, not wanting to allow himself to get too comfortable laying next to her. "you knew what the deal was when we decided to do this. don't make me regret saying yes to you." his tone didn't come out as direct and cold as he'd intended for it to. he was trying to push her away immediately. it was the right thing to do. they'd never work as a couple. he had no doubt in his mind that they'd both hurt one another a fair amount. not to mention riley having a kid only complicated things further. he kicked his feet off of the side of the bed and slid on his underwear in one swift movement. he stood up and looked over at riley still in his bed. "you can crash here if you want. i'm just gonna take the couch." his voice was filled with awkward tension and he chewed on his bottom lip nervously as he awaited her response.

Allie laughed, "Uh, yeah, I'd pay you for sex." She dropped down on to the couch next to him, her head falling back against the couch cushions. "Before I can make any comments on the rate, I need to have taste of what you're selling." She teased, looking over at him. "Can't make a confident recommendation without it." She liked that he seemed less nervous, he was cute when he was nervous but he had no reason to be. As fun as the teasing was, she didn't just want him for sex and, god, she hoped he knew that.

sawyer raised an eyebrow in response to allie's words and looked over at her with an amused look on his face. he threw an arm around the back of the couch allowing himself to get more comfortable. "i don't usually give out freebies but maybe i'll consider it since you're a regular of mine. as long as you give me a good review and spread the word to your friends. there's gotta be something in it for me too afterall." joking around with allie was fun and easy but they both knew they wanted more from this interaction than simply banter.

relief filled sawyer's thick veins as riley relinquished some of her control and simply kissed him back as he stole soon to be spoken words from her lips. if they argued back and forth for just a bit longer he knew he'd talk himself out of letting this happen and he found now that he really did want this to happen again. her soft slightly glossed lips brushing against his own mouth calmed his dizzying thoughts. they were familiar from the time they'd hooked up before but somehow felt different to him tonight. he hadn't learned every curve of her mouth the last time they'd kissed in a more heated fashion. he took his time learning every line and crease of them tonight; he wanted something sweet to remember her by. sawyer's fingers knitted in her thick brown hair and he was stumbling back toward his sofa in an instant. he sat with a clumsy thud and pulled her into his lap with him. he pulled away only momentarily to catch his breath and softly laugh before peppering kisses along her jawline and then against her pulse point behind her ear . his chest heaved and he felt dizzy again. this was exactly why they couldn't do this again. if they did this only a few more times he knew he'd find himself even more obsessed with her. he'd find himself longing for her taste and her touch and giving that power away was dangerous. he liked to be the one in control and she naturally wielded it like a weapon. his lips found her mouth again and his mind silenced once again.

claire's arms stayed crossed over her chest, more of an instinct than anything. though they drop just as fast at kylie's accusation. she can't help but to let out a huff, shaking her head. "don't psychoanalyze me, kylie. you don't get to do that anymore," her words come out sharper than she means for them to, but the vulnerability in them is still obvious. "you lost that right when you left me." claire swallows heavily. she'd been so sure she'd finally gotten over her ex, but it took something as simple as them being in the same room again for her to completely crumble. "and maybe i do still care, but you can't — you can't just show up and twist the knife anytime you suddenly feel nostalgic."

"boo, but i'm so good at it." kylie cooed at claire in a patronizing tone after being asked to stop dissecting her. she holds her lips in something between a pout and a pucker as she listens intently to her words. her eyes dance around the room, taking in other people momentarily, not wanting claire to know she has kylie hanging onto her every last syllable. she likes holding the power and being the one in control here. "i can't?" she questions adding a slight tilt of her head for a little added flair. she takes a daring step closer to her ex-girlfriend and reaches out to toy with her soft locks. "come on, just admit this is secretly what you'd hope would happen tonight. we'd bump into one another, you'd pretend to not be interested, i'd pry, and then you'd give into me like you always do." kylie wore a smirk like a prized mask as she twirled claire's hair around her pointer finger. "you can go back to hating me tomorrow i promise."