⁽͑˙˚̀⚐˚́˙⁾̉ vee

Instead of eating, listen to music

Instead of eating, drink some water

Instead of eating, scroll through tumblr

Instead of eating, think about eating

Instead of eating, paint your nail

Instead of eating, do your hair

Instead of eating, look at memes

Instead of eating, draw

Instead of eating, workout

Instead of eating, talk to friends

Instead of eating, eat a mint or chew gum

Instead of eating, daydream

Instead of eating, go for a walk

Instead of eating, watch YouTube videos about something you like

Instead of eating, vape

Instead of eating, walk your dog (if you have one ofc)

Instead of eating, dance

Instead of eating, cry

Instead of eating, have a little bit of orange juice

Instead of eating, do schoolwork

Instead of eating, listen to music

Instead of eating, drink some water

Instead of eating, scroll through tumblr

Instead of eating, think about eating

Instead of eating, paint your nail

Instead of eating, do your hair

Instead of eating, look at memes

Instead of eating, draw

Instead of eating, workout

Instead of eating, talk to friends

Instead of eating, eat a mint or chew gum

Instead of eating, daydream

Instead of eating, go for a walk

Instead of eating, watch YouTube videos about something you like

Instead of eating, vape

Instead of eating, walk your dog (if you have one ofc)

Instead of eating, dance

Instead of eating, cry

Instead of eating, have a little bit of orange juice

Instead of eating, do schoolwork

Starving in Suburbia (2014)

The Best Little Girl in the World (1981)

Dying to Dance (2001)

Sharing the Secret (2000)

Swallow (2019)

For The Love of Nancy (1994)

Thin (2006)

Feed (2017)

Hunger Point (2003)

Thinner (1996)

To The Bone (2017)

Karen Carpenter Story (1989)

Emma Wants to Live (2016)

Little Miss Perfect (2016)

Thinspiration (2014)

Honey Sickness (2011)

The Road Within (2014)

I Am Maris (2018)

May I Be At Peace (2018)

The Wasting (2017)

Disfigured (2008)

Binge (2017)

Behind the Before and After (2021)

Anorexia: A Boy in a Girl's World (2016)

When Friendship Kills (1996)

Perfect Body (1997)

Kate’s Secret (1986)

Body of Water (2020)

Trauma (1993)

God Help the Girl (2014)

Hate2o (2006)

Body (2015)

The Ellen Hart Pena Story (1996)

Maledimiele (2012)

Anorexia (2010)

The Thinnest Line (2022) 

Point De Départ (2023)

An Anorexic's Tale - The Brief Life of Catherine (1988)

Beach Body (2022)

Inside (2021)

My Friend Ana (2007)

Slim Obsession (1984)

And then I realised it didn’t happen in one day- this was years in the making.

Joking about being “the fat friend” in high school and my friends laughing along with me.

My Mum, commenting how much weight I’d gained since being on the pill, loudly announcing she thought I needed size 16 leggings in a busy store and me blushing with embarrassment.

Going from size 8 jeans to size 14-16. I can no longer wear jeans. Even with loose cargos and leggings, my thighs rub holes between them within a few months.

My Nan, drunkenly telling me “you have gained a lot of weight, you know. I don’t mean that harshly, but you have”. I got pretty drunk after and tried to forget those words.

My ex, who cheated on me and told me the reason was because he no longer found me attractive because I’d gained too much weight. He told me he’d consider taking me back if I lost the weight. I declined food for two days before finally giving in again.

No longer buying spaghetti strap tops, skirts or shorts, because I was ashamed of the size of my upper arms, and my thighs chaff and bleed if wearing anything other than trousers.

Getting a tummy bug and losing 3kg- my partner hugged me a few days later and said “god, you’re so tiny!”.

Buying a new bra, and the shock of the waistband being 38, when only a few years prior I had been 30-32.