She Wants Me 2 Love Her

Welcome to Sunday Funday! Enjoy the:

The Fallen Froggie

Ingredients: ½ oz Midori Melon Liqueur ½ oz Peach Schnapps ½ oz Baileys Irish Creme Splash of grenadine

Directions: Mix equal parts of melon liquor and Irish creme. Splash a bit of grenadine on top.

Not many of my followers know, but I’m a bartender and after this weekend (and for the last 5 years) I thought I’d make a quick a simple list of bar manners to mind.

If you use a lime after a shot do not stick your gross ass chewed up lime on the bar. Put it back into the shot glass, on a napkin or find a trash can for the love of god. 

If you don’t want a straw in your drink, either say so when you order or put in on a napkin or throw it away. Again, do not stick it in your mouth, suck on it and leave your spit straw on the counter. Have you no manners?

Don’t yell. Use your manners.

I know it looks like I will never look into your beautiful, drink starved eyes, but I can see you even if I’m not looking at you. Trust me. 

If I am not looking at you, I’m not taking your order. If I look at your eyes, that’s a sign that I’m ready to take your order. Which I am not, so don’t wave your hand in front of my face to make me look at you. I might forget what I’m doing an take even longer. You’re only hurting yourself.

If you are ordering multiple drinks, order them all at once. Not one at a time. You get your drinks faster and everyone around you can get served faster as well. It’s a win-win.

I don’t care what you drink, honestly. Like, drink a long island. Or a lemon drop. It makes my gut hurt because sugar. But I Don’t Care. And neither should you, so don’t make shitty comments the person next to you when they order. 

Unless you’re putting red bull in grey goose. Save yourself some cash and just get well vodka. 

I take it back, there was one time someone ordered a pint glass of half & half and a shot of malibu rum in it and I thought i was going to die.

If I ask you if you want a back/chaser for your shot I’m not questioning your masculinity or giving you a test. I just want to know. It’s easier to do it all at once.

I don’t know that one special drink at another bar, but tell me what you like about it and I’ll try to find you an alternative. 

Please. Please don’t ask me to just pour you whatever. Especially when it’s busy. I have to hold back the urge to pour you a shot of grape pucker and call it a day.

If you ask me for a “girly” or “pussy” drink I will pour you fernet branca because I am both girly, in possession of a vagina and that’s all I drink. You’ll regret it.

If you order something gay I will pour you whiskey because that’s what all my gay male friends drink. They also drink fernet as well. It’s a toss up there. 

In fact. I serve women, gay men/women and straight dudes all about the same when it comes to whiskey. It’s strange how gender and sexuality have nothing to do with the types of alcohol you drink.

The correct terminology you are looking for is “fruity” or “mixed” 

Anyway. Someone once asked for both. After I responded with fernet to his “pussy” shot request, he ordered a “gay” shot.

So I told him I’d make him a gay shot called a dick in his mouth.

I did. 

He told me it was “a little stiff”

Aries bartender: Enjoys the night life and partying. Might dance at the bar. First to break up fights. Likes to show off tricks/drinks. First to complain or be grumpy about poor tips or annoying customers.

Taurus bartender: Gets a high out of how much they make in tips. Down-to-earth, approachable, type to rant to (but doesn’t invite this). Likely a cutie. Stubborn with what they will and won’t make you. Might judge what you drink. 

Gemini bartender: Is a party-person by nature, always getting distracted talking to customers, charms their way to big tips, and is funny. Can persuade you to get the more expensive option, takes a shot with you, might dance on the bar, and is sometimes flirty. They love to share random facts with customers.

Cancer bartender: Is there to get the work done, attracts sob stories and ranters, makes tips with a smile, eye contact, and a listening ear. First to take care of someone who is in trouble. 

Leo bartender: Vocal, makes tips with a show, likes to dress up, can be impatient, has a good smile, and knows how to spot the big tippers.

Virgo bartender: Likes to suggest drinks and share random facts with people, practices drink making all the time, best at keeping track of the register, and is surprisingly witty. Fast and efficient, can tell when someone does or doesn’t want to talk, joke around, etc. Totally judging your drink choices. :o 

Libra bartender: Charms their way to tips, always remembers the specials, likes to dress up, and many have more fun as a cocktail waiter/waitress. Always on top of bar gossip, might join people on the dance floor, and is a master shot maker.

Scorpio bartender: Can hang, knows who will be trouble and who will be a great tipper, won’t take any BS, is a sexy bartender, and is sarcastic.

Sagittarius bartender: Is a sales person when it comes to managing the bar, is funny, likes to entertain sometimes, and will call people out on their crap. 

Capricorn bartender: Knows the history of the bar and town, won’t take ANY BS, is out to make money, is no-nonsense and might hate weird drinks. Gets disappointed and frustrated when they don’t make their expected amount of tips in a night.

Aquarius bartender: Friend to everyone, always bringing in new people to the bar, great conversationalist, and makes the most interesting shots. Might dance on the bar, picks a stranger to take shots with at the end of the night, some can be flirty, and many are goofy. 

“Kelly Slater (USA), 40, reigning 11-time ASP World Champion and current ASP World No. 1, has withdrawn from the Billabong Rio Pro following a heel injury sustained in Java.”

“I injured the inside of my left heel in Java and then re-opened it again the following week at Cloudbreak,” Slater said. “It became infected and I flew to Australia to get it treated and stitched in hopes of making it to Rio, if not for Round 1, at least for Round 2. I’ve been in the water since getting it stitched and while I can go straight, I can’t do turns at all right now so I’ll have to pull out of Rio. It’s unfortunate, but I’m just going to focus on healing up as soon as possible right now. Good luck to all the competitors in Brazil and I’ll be watching online.”