vavlt

A

A is for artichokes, Asparagus, and Anchovies.

Can you believe Grown-ups not only Eat, but sometimes Enjoy these?

The ‘Oxford comma’ is an optional comma before the word 'and’ at the end of a list:

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It’s known as the Oxford comma because it was traditionally used by printers, readers, and editors at Oxford University Press.  Not all writers and publishers use it, but it can clarify the meaning of a sentence when the items in a list are not single words:

These items are available in black and white, red and yellow, and blue and green.

The Oxford comma is also known as the 'serial comma’.

Bully

Bully of mine, I have no time For your harmful words today, Because I am strong, And can get along Without you, anyway.

If you’re mean, it can be forseen You’ll end up alone in the end, But if you choose to treat me nice You just might earn a friend.

Crayons

Don’t eat the crayons, mom says, but geez, They sure do look good enough to eat, With names like Cotton Candy and Macaroni and Cheese. Don’t eat the crayons, mom says, but geez, I want to give Plum, Melon, and Mango Tango a squeeze, And don’t Pink Sherbet and Neon Carrot look like a treat? Don’t eat the crayons mom says, but geez, They sure do look good enough to eat.

A triolet is a poem of eight lines, typically of eight syllables each, rhyming abaaabab and so structured that the first line recurs as the fourth and seventh and the second as the eighth.

Rockford poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg has published his second book for children, Atrocious Poems A To Z. It is a book of poems that deal with anxiety-provoking situations from a child’s point of view, and includes such atrocities as immunizations, monsters under the bed, and sharing. 

Many of the poems not only contain teachable moments but literary lessons in form, structure, and literary terms, such as this poem, which is an eye rhyme. 

Eye Rhyme

A 3d movie is hard to watch When you are a kid wearing an eye patch. It takes two eyes to see In three dimensions, But you only have one, Which means your depth perception is gone.

While everyone yells and jumps from their seat, You sit there and wonder what is so great About a movie where everything is flat.

An eye rhyme, also called a visual rhyme or a sight rhyme, is a rhyme in which two words are spelled similarly but pronounced differently.

The book was illustrated by Jenny Mathews, one of the Midwest’s most sought after and respected illustrators, and the 26 panels from the book will be featured in a show at the Rockford Art Museum this summer. Both Mathews and Vaultonburg are Rockford, Illinois residents, and this is their second book together.

Rockford poetry will never be the same, as Dr. Henry Wolfsburg has signed a two year deal to join the Rockford Pages of the Outsider Poetry Slam League of America. 

Seen here riding a bike while his wife Diana Bingenbottom skates, Dr. Wolfsburg is an outsider poet, curator of The Hall of Bad Dudes, and an editor here at The Journal of Outsider Poetry. 

The signing, which should give the Rockford Pages a shot in the arm after they failed to win a contest in the 2016 OPSLA season, was announced Tuesday at the Taco Bell, voted Rockford’s best Mexican Restaurant, on Riverside Blvd. 

Wolfsburg celebrated the $10.78 contract by walking down the street and getting some one dollar ribeyes and macaroni and cheese at the Dollar Tree.

Several other transactions occurred this week in the OPSLA, including Game of Thrones actor Peter Dinklage joining the Chemung Shamans, and the fourth Dr. Who, Tom Baker, joining the Rancho Cucamonga Kookamungas.

It was also announced in the winter meetings that eight new teams will join OPSLA next season, including the Yakima Yakkers and the Hell Hollerers. It is unclear if Dr. Wolfsburg will step down from his position as assisstant league commissioner. 

Grote’s Syndrome is a very serious and misunderstood neurological condition marked my hyperactivity and spasticism. It can be compared to Turret’s Syndrome in many regards, including the re-uptake of serotonin in the Central Medial Hypothalamus. Facial ticks and semi-conscious torrents of vulgar language, complaining, and criticism are often noted. Treatments can vary, but the syndrome is stubborn and sufferers often continue to be contrarian, cantankerous, and curmudgeonly. 

Some famous examples of those who suffer from Grote’s Syndrome are Sean Penn, Bob Dole, and graphic novelist Alan Moore. The writer Harlan Ellison is a famous writer who suffers from Grote’s Syndrome- but can it be postulated that he also benefits from it? Outlaw country music star Steve Earle also suffers from Grote’s. 

How is Grote’s Syndrome related to the autism spectrum, and how does it affect the Broca Area of the brain and poetry, for example? Lets take this example of a poem from poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg to see how it could be affected by Grote’s Syndrome:

My Dick

My dick fell off

Last week.

Since then things have

Been stupendous.

I’ve been writing poems

And learning to cook Portuguese

And I think I’ve even found

A cure for cancer.

Last night I spent six hours

Pushing around one pebble

In my Zen garden.

Did you know women

Have eyes

And some of them have

Even learned to speak?

It’s the dambdest

Thing

-Thomas L. Vaultonburg (used by permission of Zombie Logic Press)

In this poem we see a poet far too willing to disclose personal information about his genitalia. Can that be attributed to Grote’s Syndrome? Is the sharing of his penis voluntary, or does he feel compelled to insert it into the poem? If indeed the sharing is involuntary, the poet may be suffering from Grotes. 

Can Grote’s Syndrome be harnassed to the benefit of the sufferer, for instance, to create art that others find entertaining and informative? Is medication indicated in such cases, or should the disorder be allowed to take its course. Is catharsis a valid form of dealing with Grote’s.

Tomorrow I, Dr. Millard Rausch, will head over to the election office on 6th Street and cast my vote for Hillary Clinton. 

Hillary Clinton is my my second choice. Maybe even my third choice. Unlike many Americans, however, I do not find this election has disillusioned me concerning the American system of democracy. You see, I find those people are making an argument that everything has gone haywire and the system is broken and all the candidates are corrupt, unqualified, and not worthy of the office of President of the United States.

They’re wrong. One candidate, Donald Trump, is insane and unqualified enough to make the entire process seem tainted, but in my opinion, and the opinion of countless others in the know, Hillary Clinton is the most qualified candidate ever to run for President.

What’s more, almost everything about what has happened in this election cycle has been good, from the Bernie revolution to the Green and Libertarian candidates getting support to millions of Americans taking a renewed interest in the process.

Only one thing has been tainted: the presence of Donald Trump. This should never have happened. It makes the Republicans look foolish. It makes America look foolish. 

It gives credence and a dark hiding place for a type of hatred, ignorance, bigotry and worship of anti-intellectualism that cannot become the new/old norm in America. We’ve been here. Places in America are still here, and it’s what’s holding us back from realizing our potential as the greatest nation ever to exist. 

Donald Trump and his followers are displaying a pathology usually reserved for despots, dictators, demagogs, and cult leaders. Their numbers should be no surprise to most of us. We know who the racists and bigots are in our families, at our jobs, and in our everyday interactions. It’s not a shock. But what is a shock is that two hundred years of hard-fought progress and struggle for equality in America is being jeopardized so these bad people can pretend it is still 1860 in America.

It isn’t.

Grote’s Syndrome is a very serious and misunderstood neurological condition marked my hyperactivity and spasticism. It can be compared to Turret’s Syndrome in many regards, including the re-uptake of serotonin in the Central Medial Hypothalamus. Facial ticks and semi-conscious torrents of vulgar language, complaining, and criticism are often noted. Treatments can vary, but the syndrome is stubborn and sufferers often continue to be contrarian, cantankerous, and curmudgeonly. 

Some famous examples of those who suffer from Grote’s Syndrome are Sean Penn, Bob Dole, and graphic novelist Alan Moore. The writer Harlan Ellison is a famous writer who suffers from Grote’s Syndrome- but can it be postulated that he also benefits from it? Outlaw country music star Steve Earle also suffers from Grote’s. 

How is Grote’s Syndrome related to the autism spectrum, and how does it affect the Broca Area of the brain and poetry, for example? Lets take this example of a poem from poet Thomas L. Vaultonburg to see how it could be affected by Grote’s Syndrome:

My Dick

My dick fell off

Last week.

Since then things have

Been stupendous.

I’ve been writing poems

And learning to cook Portuguese

And I think I’ve even found

A cure for cancer.

Last night I spent six hours

Pushing around one pebble

In my Zen garden.

Did you know women

Have eyes

And some of them have

Even learned to speak?

It’s the dambdest

Thing

-Thomas L. Vaultonburg (used by permission of Zombie Logic Press)

In this poem we see a poet far too willing to disclose personal information about his genitalia. Can that be attributed to Grote’s Syndrome? Is the sharing of his penis voluntary, or does he feel compelled to insert it into the poem? If indeed the sharing is involuntary, the poet may be suffering from Grotes. 

Can Grote’s Syndrome be harnassed to the benefit of the sufferer, for instance, to create art that others find entertaining and informative? Is medication indicated in such cases, or should the disorder be allowed to take its course. Is catharsis a valid form of dealing with Grote’s.