poison ivy

….That is somehow both endearing and terrifying. You are something else, Victoria. 

How could it possibly be terrifying?  Now we’ll know for certain expiration and best by dates, so we know when to get rid of anything that could make us sick.  I don’t know that anyone has been eating enough, so now when they do decide to eat, they’ll know exactly what kind of nutritional intake they’re getting.  Yes, well, I suppose I could say the same about you, eh pixie?

I feel like English … well, most teachers would disagree. And anyone who has to read things doctors write. Then again that’s making their eyes bleed not their ears, but still, same concept. How do you feel about jazz? One?! I’m not sure if I should be insulted or flattered. Alright, I can work with those. Mmmm, no. No more suspensions for you. I like having you around too much. It’ll be okay. Well, tough on you. I don’t do structure. And this is exactly why. We’re going to write a song, instead. Shopping can wait. You talked about the third wave of feminism changing things so - let’s change things. Few things can get something talked about as globally as a catchy song, so let’s go. 

Well yes but everyone is going to inevitably write at some point or other, not everyone is going to sing.  Nor do I believe everyone should sing.  I’m quite fond of jazz, actually.  If I was trying to insult you, mate, you’d definitely know it.  So I’d go with the former.  You really don’t see the benefits of a little structure?  At all?  Please make a decision, you’re giving me whiplash.  You can’t actually be serious.  I thought you were going to teach me a song, not make me write one myself with no practice or prior experience.  I suppose that’s true, but do you truly believe that anyone would actually take it seriously if it’s paired with a catchy tune?

Hey! Okay, well…that’s probably true, yes. But, okay in my defense, I am not the first person to call my brain a noodle. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Leave Jer out of this. He’s a precious baby angel child. We do not say those things about him. AHA! Great success. Oi! Better than that rubbish you’re throwing out there.

That’s some seriously weak defense, curly.  Maybe if you lot stopped babying him as much as you do, he would become a little less jittery.  Did you really just resort to finger snapping?  That’s the mark of defeat, mate.

Well, then it’s settled. Walk, we shall. I think that’s an overall feeling. No. Now we would not. You can say that again. If I never see another sterile nightgown again it’ll be too soon. Oh. Okay good. He’s very intelligent. And kind when no one else is looking, but…yeah. He is a little socially awkward. R-really? And that’s…that’s weird, right? Like it’s not normally like that? I - you know, I know we don’t agree on a lot and I know some of the people in the house still call you a robot, but…I really appreciate what you’ve done here. And you telling me that. I’m not so convinced you’re not at least mildly fond of us. And…I think I may be a little more than mildly fond of you. Surprise.

I was trying to push for some sort of exercise, I think it’d benefit everyone, but Ryder shut that down pretty quickly after the - well, after I got back.  I’ve never actually been placed with anyone who has had to go into seclusion, but I’m still guessing this isn’t particularly normal.  I’m guessing it’s merely an inability to come up with a solution that keeps everyone involved as safe as possible, but something needs to change.  I’m trying to pull all the weight I have, I can promise you that.  Before anyone else gets hurt.  I will admit, I used to view the guardees as slightly lesser, but I’ve realized I can’t help you if I don’t ask you what you need.  We can’t do our jobs if we just assume instead of inquire.  Oh, alright.  I’ll only say this once, pixie, but I do care about you kids.  Well - half of you, the misogynistic guards I could do without.

And only people with a natural talent for writing should learn how to exercise the hand muscles? Psh. I don’t subscribe to that philosophy. You listen to a lot of classic music though, right? Do you have any favorites? I could try to find things for you to start to learn how to play that you at least enjoy listening to over and over and over again. There aren’t very many instruments I haven’t tried so I think I’m just going to um… work on some songs. Something may came of it, something might not, but I think I’d like to have my version of a diary capturing this all the same, you know? I think the whole um, figuring out my gender fluidity thing counts as my learning new things while on the run quota, right? Well I figured there’s three options- Keaton snaps before I ever talk to him, he snaps after I talk to him, or he sticks around and is willing to try things out for awhile. Hence 66/33. I got shit to back my numbers up, whoooo. He wouldn’t believe how much you’re cheerleading for him even if I did tell him. You’re safe. I suppose that’s true. If there’s uh, anyone out there that’s that tolerant and patient. Alright, alright, alright. I’ll talk to him. I don’t know. I reserve the right to adjust our schedule as needed. Wouldn’t that be lovely. Hey……..I got an idea. You and I are going to write a song. 

Well no but that’s different.  You’re not going to make anyone’s ears bleed by scribbling a little messily.  I listen to some classical, yes.  Classical and music from the 1920′s through to about the 60′s.  I can’t stand most of the junk our generation has put out, though, save for a few catchy songs.  One of yours actually made that list.  I’d love to learn how to play any type of classical song, quite honestly.  Gustav Holst is my favourite, though his songs are ridiculously complex.  You also can’t ever go wrong with Chopin or even Beethoven.  That sounds like a decent plan.  You may as well take advantage of not having any distractions and write more songs.  I would say that certainly counts, yes.  Well - yes, I suppose.  I’m not so much cheerleading for him as I am for you.  That and if he is a swine about it, then I’m going to be forced to break his arm and I really don’t want to get suspended again.  Give it a go, mate.  Otherwise you’ll be stuck in limbo, stressing about something forever that you have the power to take control of.  I’m going to veto that right as I’d much prefer to have a structured, well planned out agenda.  We’re - what?  I beg your pardon.

Wouldn’t be the first time, honestly. No offense, but recent events make that very hard to believe, Ms. Victoria. Awwwwwwh! You liiiiiiike me. You really liiiiiiiiike me! It’s fine. Once is all I need. I’ll cherish this moment for life. Ha! Ahhhhh, why am I not surprised you’ve resulted to charts. But please, feel free. I think the reactions to it would be well worth your efforts. I may have to video tape it for later amusement, too.

I meant you needn’t be so paranoid when it comes to me.  Must you be so ridiculously loud?  I haven’t quite resorted to charts yet, mate, but I might just have to.  If anyone else has any more confusion.  You’re right, no one would appreciate them.  Though, it would be nice to have a project.  You may help, if you promise not to ruin any of them.

Excuse you. I have plenty of information stored in the good old noodle. Just because I can’t speak seventeen different languages doesn’t mean I’m a total idiot. Just a mild idiot. Nate. The jitteriest of the jittery. I am going to take that as a compliment, thank you! Oi! You can’t go making fun of me then want to see my sick moves! But alright. Here goes.

No, but there’s still other evidence all pointing to you being a complete moron.  The fact that you called your brain ‘good old noodle’ ... exhibit A.  Ah.  I’d say he and Sinclair are right about on par.  Well, it’s not as if we’ve got anything better to do at the moment.  Eh.  They need work.

Yeah, for the most part. There are genuinely tone deaf people but even they can improve with the correct instruction and practice. Yeah? You’re more than welcome to come jam with me or me and Jer whenever you want. Well, then. Piano it is. I only have a keyboard at the moment, but that’s probably less intimidating for you to start with. I usually find something I like in everything. Even recycled pop. Huh. I wouldn’t have pegged you as a bandstand kinda girl, but I can see it now. Well the beauty of being under house arrest then. You no longer have you limit yourself to only productive to your training learning. Pick up piano, take up ballet, expand your horizons while keeping me and Harrison from going completely stir-crazy. Win-win. Sweet. Can we go now? I don’t know if that’s a conversation you are ever really for. I just know if I flinch away from him again, it’s going to shatter us and I don’t want that. So I’ll suck it up and spit it out and we’ll see what happens. 66% chance I lose him and 33% chance he’ll be willing to find a way to make it work. So, there’s that. If we can’t go shopping can I paint your nails and then I’ll explain the piano? Or maybe we should do piano first. So you don’t mess it up. ….I might need those reassurances. Nobody’s ever really said, hey this is okay, before. So thank you. You’ll become a hugger eventually. Just watch. 

Really?  I always assumed voice lessons were for those who have natural talent.  To be better able to use that talent, and to make it stronger and whatnot.  Interesting.  A keyboard sounds just fine, mate.  You’re right, it’s probably a good starting point.  Especially for someone who has never tried before in their life.  Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all.  I’m hardly a bandstand kind of girl.  I suppose that’s true.  How about you, then?  Are you going to try to learn a new skill, or exercise the ones you already have?  Of course we can, you’ll just have to wait while I run it by Agent Klein.  No, I suppose that’s true.  You’re going to have to be a lot more positive than that, mate.  Go into everything look at the chance as a 50/50.  I really don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.  Never tell him I said that.  Besides, if he decides he isn’t comfortable with it, you deserve to be with someone who will support you, and who will not make you feel ashamed for it.  So stop dwelling, and go for it.  It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind that it needs to happen, and you’re not going to stop stressing over it until you do.  Alright, shopping, nails, piano - is there anything else you’d like to add to the agenda for today?  Then assurances I can do.  Whatever you feel Ryder - it’s perfectly okay.  I’m hoping that the third wave of feminism will help to break down these ridiculous gender norms and standards we have.  I will not.

It is when the things I use to listen to music are in the house and I am not. Do you I really need to spell that out? You - what? I’m sorry you went through whatever you went through and if things were different, I’d probably offer to be an ear and try and help but too many people got hurt. Luna almost died because I wasn’t here and I - I’m finding it hard to blame solely myself for that. So while words are just words, I’m not quite ready to pretend like everything is peachy between us. Thank you for the apology. Forgiveness is still processing.

First of all, I don’t need you to offer an ear.  Second, I don’t think you should blame yourself at all for her actions.  However, I’m not to blame for them, either.  I think you misunderstand, mate.  I’m apologizing because I do feel badly for what transpired, and it would be juvenile to leave things the way that they were left.  That being said; I wasn’t asking for, nor do I wish for any sort of friendship past professional.  I merely want to make sure that we’re going to be able to work together if it ever comes down to it.

Besides having not set foot in this house for awhile…a lack of a music-playing device, yeah. Can I help you with something?

I didn’t realize that listening to music was something you could only do in this household.  Yes, actually.  I’m only going to say this once, so listen carefully.  I wanted to ... apologize.  For losing my temper.  You shouldn’t have been suspended.  Not that it changes anything, which is why words can be so futile, but it needed to be said.

Well it happens to be very much in mine. Would you care to learn piano or guitar? Or singing? Or something else? I have a passing knowledge in most things and if not, I could probably figure it out pretty quickly. Oh, well there you go. Maybe the other tiny one could have you doing ballet soon too, just to really make your week crazy. Okay, thank you. If you need money, I’ll …well could I go with? You might um…. there’s several different types and Jer isn’t what you’d call an amateur. Maybe. Unless he doesn’t fancy dating someone who can’t decide who they are and switch it around randomly. I mean he’s fucked girls before but how do I know he’s willing to be in love with one in mind but not in body? It’s just - how do you not be ashamed of that? No, forget it. I’m sorry. You … that’s big coming from you. Thank you. All of them until you realize that refusing hugs is never going to happen. They help. I promise.

Can you learn singing, though?  That’s either a talent that you have or you don’t.  I quite enjoy singing.  I wouldn’t mind being able to play the piano, I think it’s a gorgeous instrument with a beautiful sound.  I’ve always quite admired those with musical ability.  I mean, not the one hit wonders of our generation who lip sync and produce the same type of boring, same beat pop we’ve been hearing for the last fifteen years, but the ones with true musical talent and ability.  I quite miss the sound of the fifties, if I’m being particularly honest.  I’d quite love to learn ballet as well.  I suppose there are many things I’d love to have learned, but never quite saw it as conducive or complimentary to my training.  You don’t need to give me money, Ryder, but you are more than welcome to come with me.  I really wouldn’t mind getting out of the house, too.  First things first, you need to stop talking down to yourself about it mate, that’s not going to help anything.  Second, you won’t know until you talk to him about it.  Don’t push yourself if you’re not ready, but if you are - then it’s a conversation you two need to have.  If you apologize one more time, Wilson ... I’m going to take that as a compliment.  If it takes me reassuring you every day that you have nothing to be ashamed of, then I suppose that’s what I’m going to have to do.  Yes, yes, alright, but only so you’ll stop nagging me about it.

I forgot how much I like music.

And was there something that was prohibiting you from enjoying music as you normally do?

I think your brain is too full of information for you your own good. Yikes. How have you and the jittery kid not bonded yet? Honestly. Whatever. Anyway, no I can’t dance, but clearly that doesn’t stop me, so moot point. Of course I did. Are you really surprised? This is me we’re talking about. You should know better by now.

And maybe if you picked up a book every once and a while, you’d have a bit of information stored away too.  Which jittery kid, there’s more than one under this roof.  No, I’m actually not surprised at all.  You seem to make up a language all of your own.  But alright, I’ve got time to kill.  Lets see your best dance moves, then.