More Stubborn than Gravity

Saturday, I stepped onto the baking 100+ degree University of Oregon track to compete in my second Olympic Trials. The feelings overcoming me were quite different than those I experienced in 2016, which back then were derived from being one of the fresh faces on the scene - one of the youngsters who had “plenty of years” to chase the Olympic dream. There may have been some pressure felt then, but this time around it was incomparable.

The Olympic hype is no doubt a factor in the emotional roller coaster most experience at the U.S. Olympic Trials. I compete 9 months out of the year every year, yet this competition (and the Games themselves, of course) is the only one that really grabs the attention of the public eye outside of the track community. Not even World Championships can compare to the Olympic hype, which I find ironic because that team is just as difficult to make, and you end up competing against the same fierce competitors at Worlds as you do at the Games.

I digress.

The point of that paragraph is to say - the pressure was on for the Trials, and while I preach to interpret it as support and encouragement from outside sources, it’s hard to overlook the feeling of expectation when I repeatedly hear the phrase “oh, you’ll make the team easily. Just go for gold in Tokyo!”

“Make the team easily”… ha. The Trials are a beast, and even the top dogs have to be on their A-game. No bad days allowed, because a dozen other athletes slightly down the totem pole are chomping at the bit, rearing to snag those rare 3 spots on the Team. My bad day is their chance to claim the spot, and rightfully so - but no matter how good you are, you can never go in thinking you have something in the bag. That’s when your bag will be lost, and you’ll never get it back. (Sort of like losing luggage while transferring through Charles de Gaulle airport - it’s just gone 😅. I hope someone who has followed me a while giggles at my reference.)

All this to say, the pressure was surmountable, and the most unfortunate part of my story is my confidence on the runway has been lacking the last month or two. It’s been a culmination of attempting to push my physical boundaries and raise my grip, but also combined with attempting to change technical things this season. I ended up biting off way more than I can chew. Being at the level I am, I will be the first to say “don’t try changing too much at once, that can really mess you up.” Well, I guess my judgement has been clouded by my burning desire to improve, and I ended up going against my own advice without recognizing it - until things came crashing down, that is. And I mean that in a literally way.

In my final competition prior to the trials, I ended up going back down to my shorter series of poles because I have felt my technique suffering. I was putting so much energy into trying to jump on the longer poles that my training sessions lacked focus on the basics of my form, which is what made me a 5 meter pole vaulter in the first place. Grip height never got me there - physical ability did. I cannot lose that because speed and power, and my ability to attack at the takeoff, are what made me great. They are my bread and butter.

While change can be a good thing, there is always going to be an adjustment period. Unfortunately for athletes, we still have to compete during the awkward times, which leaves you trying to compete at your best when you’re in the middle of a metamorphosis. It’s going to look as though you’re suffering, but in reality you’re just in the middle of morphing into a butterfly 🦋, and no butterfly can take flight before it leaves the cocoon.

That’s how I feel right now. I believe big positive changes are on the horizon, but they will only happen with persistence and positivity, and also with understanding given to myself from myself. As elite athletes, we hold ourselves to the highest of expectations at all times. I know the process I am going through, yet still was so infuriated at myself for my performance at the Trials. I don’t want to lose that fury and that fire, because that is what’s going to get me through to my goal, but I do want to work on not being so hard on myself. I know it sounds elementary, but it’s true at all levels. If anyone understands the struggles you’re enduring, it should be you. As humans, we should be allowed to show ourselves compassion just as we do toward others.

In that final competition before Trials that I referred to, I felt just ok on the shorter poles. I mean, no worse and no better than I do on the longer ones. (For reference, I’m talking 4.45m/14’7” poles versus 4.60m/15’1” poles.) I am glad I went back to them because it made me truly recognize my technique was suffering. It had nothing to do with what poles I was jumping on. I needed to “get my jump back”, regardless of poles, and I needed to do it fast because the trials were two weeks away at that time.

A few days later I did another vault session on the short poles, and I think it was probably the worst practice I have had in years. Like, literal years. I mean it. I don’t even know why - my body felt fine, the conditions were fine, etc. For whatever reason I just didn’t have it that day. I would run down the runway feeling good, plant the pole, and completely miss the swing and connection. I chalk that day up to sport. That’s just sport. Your bad days are going to happen and you sometimes can search and scrape for an explanation, and there simply isn’t one. You just didn’t have it that day.

“Well, crap.” I thought, when I ran through my last vault of the session and the pole ripped the skin right off the palm side of my thumb. “I needed that skin” I said, laughing in disbelief and also laughing because my body didn’t know what to do with my panic. Isn’t the human body such a strange thing? I felt panic and my reaction was to laugh - not sure that was an appropriate reaction but hey, I’m weird and I know it.

So now I was one week from the trials, I had just had a poor competition, and even more poor practice session, and ripped off vital skin I needed to heal within six days. A pole vaulters ability to grip is vital.

My emotions went numb at that point. I think I had worried away all of my worries. I decided to focus on getting lots of sleep, nourishment, and healing my hand. I kept it bandaged properly 24/7, and soft with ointments. This turned out to be the perfect approach because day 5 it was nearly perfectly healed and didn’t end up being an issue for my first competition day at prelims.

Prelims were absolutely necessary for me, and ended up being the first step in getting my groove back. Aside from it being hot (which I’m used to, thank you Arkansas…) the conditions in prelims were close to perfect. Throughout the warmup I got my feet under me and felt I successfully shook off the former horrid practice. I made 4.50m on my first jump, and with that single jump I qualified for the final round.

Two days later, the heat dome in Portland roasted the stadium to a whopping 111 degrees F. I wanted to take as few jumps as possible the get myself to the higher bars. In hindsight I know that was the right call because wow, doping control took me two hours because I couldn’t pee 90ml of fluid. (90ml is the absolute minimum required amount for a drug test - and it’s not much!) In warmups my run started to feel like “Sandi” again. I hadn’t felt like that in quite a while. I entered the competition and made 4.50m and 4.60m on my first attempts, but I didn’t expect those to be my only jumps of the day.

The bar went to 4.70m and I felt like I was rolling and ready to go now, shorter poles and all. It didn’t matter. First attempt, huge blow through. Needed a stiffer pole, so I missed. Second attempt, same thing! I landed so deep in the pit I had zero chance of making that bar. “Ok” I thought to myself “the next bigger pole has got to be the one. That’s always been my money pole!” So I went up a pole a third time, and after watching Morgan run down and make 4.70m (congrats Morgan!) I knew I had to respond. At this point I didn’t even know I was already in 3rd place and on the team, in my mind, I had to make this height to qualify. (Thanks ADHD, I’m not so great at processing those things mid competition when the adrenaline is pumping.) I ran down with more confidence than I had had in a few weeks time, jumped and had plenty of height over the bar! But my energy was a bit off center and my arm caught it on the way down. I missed my third attempt. I landed in the pit and was rolling out of the landing, simultaneously throwing my hands to my head in frustration, when I heard the announcer clearly state that I was one of the three on the team.

*Cue sigh of relief*, yet I couldn’t shake my extreme frustration so quickly. I had just had a bad day at the Olympic Trials. Needless to say, I was embarrassed. That’s not the feeling I wanted to have while qualifying for my second Games.

That night I experienced just about every emotion that exists. I went through sadness and disbelief, feelings of being lost and hopeless, then anger and rage at myself. I finally fell asleep at 3 am and woke up a few hours later to the videos of my jumps. My dad had texted them to me. I hadn’t wanted to even look at them after the meet because I was so angry and upset, but after I collected my mess of a brain, I took a solid look.

I found hope.

Seeing the videos helped me realize the reality - that my approach was better than it had been in weeks, and it really comes down to the fact that the poles were just too small. That’s it. I just needed to trust the feeling that my run was good and go up poles even in warm ups, but at the time I didn’t recognize that, and I didn’t go up. I started on my small pole.

So here I am three days later, and I feel like a completely different person than Saturday night. I have had time to process my emotions, endure the roller coaster, then watch my jumps with a technical eye. I am so close to being “myself” again, I just have to stay the course.

I am determined. I am going to pick up where I left off on that third and final attempt at the Olympic Trials. I am going to push forth and forge my own path. I had a bad day at the Olympic Trials, and I was still lucky enough to snag the 3rd spot to Tokyo. That was written in the stars, and I can’t help but feel it happened for a reason. I am meant to compete in Tokyo - even the stars believe it to be so, and I’m not about to waste this chance I was just handed.

Have you ever caught a shooting star? Me either. But I’m going to try. 💫

The key to being a high-caliber athlete is learning how to push your body to its absolute limit… without breaking it. The former part of that sentence feels like the easier task from my personal experience. It has never been emotionally difficult for me to push my body to the limits. It’s physically hard, yes, but I have always accepted intense physical tasks as welcome challenges. What about the “not breaking it” part? Well, that’s a skill of intelligence combined with living a healthy lifestyle. It’s about investing in your body in every way possible, because it is your job if you’re a pro athlete - but it’s not always fully in our control. Staying healthy is also somewhat up to chance because of the insane things we put our bodies through on a daily basis. An athlete can do everything in her power to live a healthy life, giving her body the best chance at success, and still get injured. That’s just the inherent risk of being a pro athlete.

Everyone should take their health seriously, even those who aren’t athletes. Imagine if someone gave you a car and told you “this is the only car you will have for the rest of your life”. You would treat that thing like royalty! We only get one body. Be good to it. For us athletes, this means “eating right” (I won’t attempt to define that in this post, that’s a story for another day), getting 9+ hours of sleep per night, and spending time each day doing rehab and recovery. Those extra things can range from ice baths, hot baths, yoga, massage, chiro, physical therapy, etc. You name it, I do it. I have tried just about EVERYTHING to give my body a leg-up on the tough training and competing I put it through. In the end, though, I feel like I’m always fighting some injury off, big or small. I guess that’s the price I pay for doing an event that is so hard on the body, like pole-vaulting.

The last two seasons of my career have been a battle not only on the runway against my competitors, but one with my own body. This has been a life lesson for me: learning more about the “not breaking it” part. I have managed to always compete on the world stage strongly, bringing home medals at 3 of the 4 world championships I have been to, and one at my first (and currently only) Olympic Games. Things may have appeared fine and dandy on those days because I was still able to execute my duties, but the last 2.5 years of my life, since I signed as a pro vaulter, I have been dealing with injuries here and there. Throughout this exciting beginning of my (hopefully) lengthy pro career, I have learned a lot about not breaking my body - I learned this the hard way.

I have spoken in many interviews about my wrist fracture in 2016 which happened only 7 weeks away from the U.S. Olympic trials. I overcame that by training in intelligent, modified ways during those weeks. I allowed the bone in my wrist to heal, but still got work in. After I did everything I could to stay ready, it came down to me being fearless on competition day without having vaulted in two months.

In 2017, nagging ankle and back problems prevented me from getting as strong as I needed in order to perform at my best. My takeoff ankle has whats called a “bone edema” from repetitive jumping. (It basically means bruising within the bone marrow.) Now, I have to modify my training to be as low-impact as possible. Kinda hard to do as a vaulter! As for the back, which flared up for a few days here and there in 2017, really lost control this 2018 indoor season. In 2017 I couldn’t hit the weight room the same way I always had. It felt like just about anything would flare it up, but the weird part was the MRI didn’t show anything at the time. Well, 2018 rolled around, and things seemed to be going awesome. I opened my year with a 4.90m vault at the Pole Vault Summit and felt extremely strong. Not even two weeks later, I found myself in excruciating pain. I had woken up out of a dead sleep in this pain, which I now believe was caused by a heavy lifting session I did a couple days prior. It felt like a sharp pinch in my spine, restricting my movement and ability to breathe. The pinch caused the muscles in my entire back to cramp up and I could barely move.

That was the week leading up to the Millrose Games. I trained as best I could, but I didn’t vault. I wanted to let my back heal as much as possible before attempting to compete. I flew to NYC, and come warmup time, I planted the pole for a single drill. Boom. The sharp pain came back the second I left the ground, and the knife was back in my lung. Tears of pain filled my eyes and I reluctantly pulled out of the competition.

Fast forward through the most painful three days of my life, those following my flight home from NYC, and I was on my way to get another MRI. I thought to myself “please show something. Please…” as I laid there in the cold tunnel. I wanted the scan to show something so we could devise a treatment plan, instead of trying to treat a mystery injury.

Sure enough, the scan came back and revealed I had a disk protrusion in my thoracic spine, and it was pressing on the nerve stem. That is why I was in so much pain… it was contacting the nerve. I think in 2017 it must not have been, because it was never nearly as painful.

I had an X-ray guided cortisone injection into my spine, and had to completely rest for 4 days. I slowly worked my way back into training, and things began to feel more and more “normal” from that point on.

Exactly one month from being in excruciating pain from a disk protrusion, I accomplished something I consider to be one of the greatest achievements of my career - became World Indoor Champion.

So now, the key is for me to continue training really hard, but I am still learning how to not flare up my spine injury. How do  I lift without hurting myself? How do I pole-vault with a back prone to disk bulges?!

I am learning. One. Step. At. A. Time.

So, here I lay on my couch, clicking away at this keyboard and pondering where the next few years of my career may take me. I just came off my first global gold medal, and am gearing up for outdoor season, which I will open with Drake Relays in just a week. I had to take it easy getting back into training for outdoor, because I injured myself pretty badly at World Indoor Championships a few weeks ago.

Remember that part I mentioned about not breaking my body? Well, sometimes I just don’t have a choice. World Championships was one of those times.

On my clearance of 4.80m/15’9”, the top of my pole clipped my elbow during my fall to the mat. It hit right on the “funny bone” and the nerve is damaged. In that moment, my arm went numb for a few seconds, and my elbow flared into excruciating pain. The official walked over and asked if I wanted to continue to compete, and I must have looked at her like she was crazy, because I was going to continue so long as I could plant a pole!

I pressed forth, and ended up clearing 4.90m on a last attempt to take the lead over my Russian competitor who had been sharp the entire competition. She had been making almost everything on first attempts throughout the night. During that successful attempt, I came down on the top of my pole AGAIN, this time landing on my thigh! 

The elbow getting hit definitely hurt more, but now my quad was cramping up from the impact and I wasn’t so sure it would be completely functional to run down the runway.

I stepped back on the mondo anyway to try to make the following height. At that point, I had cleared 4.90m on a second attempt (but last attempt - because I had used one jump at the prior height, 4.85m, my competitor made the heigh, and then I chose to pass and use my remaining two shots at the next bar. It was a chess game!)

As I stood on the runway to attempt 4.95m, arm shaking slightly and leg pulsing, I cleared my mind and focused on imagining what a successful vault would feel like.

It took me three tries, but on my last attempt, I ended up making 4.95m. I did it. I won. I was the World Champion. Although I was the only one left and for sure had won, I went on to try the world indoor record three times. After missing all three, I was exhausted, beaten up, and bruised… but it was all worth it for that gold medal. After three successive silver medals at 2016 World Indoors, 2016 Olympic Games, and 2017 World Outdoors, that GOLD broke my “silver streak”. I had finally done it.

Although I finally won my very first gold and soaked in it for a few weeks, it is now time to re-group and push onward. I have even bigger fish to fry, such as that world record I have been eye balling for so long. It’s ok for me to want it, but I can’t forget the basics: stay healthy, tend to my strengths, and strengthen my weaknesses. One centimeter at a time, I will work my way up to 5.07 meters, and if things go as I plan, even beyond. The key to my success is going to be health and confidence, along with intelligent training. 

I crave to again feel the way I did when standing on the top of the podium and hearing the Star Spangled Banner.

Writing. It’s something I have always loved to do. I have kept a journal since age 10, and began occasionally blogging a few years ago. I really love to keep a journal because it allows me to express emotions when I really don’t want to share them with a human.

I specify “human” because I often share them with my dog.

Ok, back to the journal thing…

Journals will always listen. Journals are always there for you. Journals will never agree or disagree, they will only hear what you want to say, then tuck it away quietly to never be seen again. The only problem is, if you write something moving, its very likely it will go unread for many, many years - that is if it’s ever read at all.

And thus, the beauty of blogging becomes apparent. I feel I have experienced enough in my life my words could make a difference to someone, no matter how small. Maybe they could inspire a young athlete, or encourage a parent to help their child chase their dreams. I put content out there, and I never know who might end up reading it. That is the beauty of blogging.

I often don’t like to write about bad experiences. I find myself going back to read old journal entries or blog posts, and sometimes I think things are best forgotten. On the contrary, it’s nice to write about good ones. This time around, I think writing about my struggles this season could truly benefit any athlete who might read this.

Note: it might be difficult for non-pole vaulters to fully understand everything… but please read anyway…)

(I find the obnoxious GIFs hilarious, soooooo….)

This season has been far from glamorous in comparison to last year. 2016 was absolutely amazing. The stars aligned. I overcame a wrist fracture from a broken pole, and turned it all around, vaulting my way to an Olympic Silver Medal and the second highest mark in outdoor history. I became only the third woman all-time, indoor or out, to break the 5-meter barrier. I cannot even put into words how that felt. I accomplished things I had dreamt of since I first picked up a pole vault pole at age 13. This season has felt minuscule in comparison. 

My first consolation to myself is, this is pretty typical. Many athletes come off of a their absolute best seasons ever and go into a slump for a bit. Like anything else in life, sport has its peaks and valleys. I will say, indoor season was rough mostly because I was fighting with some ankle and back issues. Long story short, I couldn’t train the way I needed or wanted to in order to be my best. We are now in the thick of outdoor season, and my body feels pretty darn good. It has just been annoying to modify my training in order to keep my back from flaring up. With tweaked training, my body has felt great! And really, this outdoor season I have felt like my jump is mostly “back to normal”. (Note: “normal” is fine temporarily, but even my “normal” has a lot of things needing fixed.) What really dampens my spirit is even though I feel pretty good, the heights just haven’t been there. I will clear a 4.65m/15’3” bar my a mile, but then not put together a make at the next height. At one small meet I put together a 4.84m jump, which I was very happy with given everything I have dealt with this season- but it is extremely frustrating to clear a 4.90 bungie in warmups and not be able to put it together when the bar goes up. My run and jumps have just not been consistent this year.

As I said earlier, this is how I feel “so far”… but truly, I know I can push through. The important thing is, my body feels good, and I know the heights are in me. I just have to coax them out. As I like to say, you have to be more stubborn than gravity to be a vaulter. And believe me when I say I am extremely stubborn, and also driven. I believe those two qualities will guide me to breaking the world record someday.

I am not undermining how big of a feat that is. 

Putting together a world-record jump in a competition, when the bar is up, is very different from jumping that high in practice. I know I have jumped world record heights in practice before! I also know I am not the only one who has done so. But the reason the WR is so hard to break is because you only get so many chances to even attempt it in a competition. 

Think about it like this: as a pole vaulter, you might get three attempts at a personal best in a competition. MIGHT. You have to clear all of the bars leading up to that height before you even get to attempt it. If you get more than three attempts at a PR, that means you probably already jumped a PR and are going for the next one. Compare this to other events. In many other field events, the athletes are not held back by the mark of something they are attempting. They just go for it. Take long jump and the throwing events for example. They give each attempt all of their effort, and each one is a possibility to hit a new PR. In the vault, it doesn’t matter how much you clear a bar by. The bar has to be SET at that record in order to be able to achieve it! Well, I just rambled a bit, but… all I am trying to say is getting to the point where you can attempt a WR means you have to have a clean day up to that. You have to be ON. You don’t want to go into those attempts with dead legs from jumping at way too many bars beforehand. Also, don’t take this as me undermining the other events. That is not my intention. I am just trying to clarify how few shots vaulters get at big performances.

So wait… where am I going with this? Well, basically I am trying to describe my mindset. Last year was phenomenal, and I was spoiled with amazing performances. I guess part of me thought I would pick right back up where I started. I thought at this point I would be taking some solid looks at that WR. Instead, I jammed my ankle the very first meet of the year, and experienced intense back spasms beginning the second meet of the indoor season! I have never really had to deal with injuries before, aside from the wrist fracture last year, so those nagging issues indoor season were a bit of a wake up call. I know I just need to listen to my body and find ways to train without hurting it (more than pole-vault already does, by nature). I guess this blog is a bit of a pep talk to myself, but also I wanted to show the world that even the best of the best experience slumps. You have to pick yourself back up off the ground, and keep on moving.

I am not defining 2017 by what has happened thus far. Last year, I broke my wrist and was out for weeks. It was difficult to clear 4.75m when I came back to make the Olympic Team. Just a few weeks after that, my rhythm just clicked and suddenly bars in the 4.90’s were easy. The Outdoor American Record was just… easy. It felt so effortless. I know that if I keep on fighting, my rhythm will come back. I know it will. I have faith in myself, my abilities, coach, and my training. I know I still have time to turn things around and make dreams come true. Man, becoming World Champion this summer would be quite nice. It has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?

And things WILL come together with persistence and health. Even if it’s not this season, I know it will happen in the near future. I know I’ll continue to be a force to reckon with as long as I keep at this thing with a strong mental outlook. And I am so excited because it’s not only me, but a handful of other women, too. I feel like the women’s pole-vault is about to be taken to another level in the next five years. I just really desire to be the one to lead on the pack!

My biggest goals for my career are of course a world record, an Olympic Gold Medal, and a World Championship Gold medal… but honestly, if I am even able to achieve one of those I would be happy. But what I want the absolute most is to then turn around and help the next generation realize their dreams. I want kids to see their talent and utilize it. Or maybe realize they might not be the most naturally gifted with athletic ability, but see how much they can accomplish if they persist and focus on technique. There have been countless athletes from sports across the board to surprise people. Athletes whom were looked down on and disregarded as harmless. You truly never know how far your body can go until you just allow it to. Stop letting the doubts in your mind get in the way. Stop letting people talk you down. Stop letting the trash talk get to your brain. Let that nonsense go in one ear and out the other, then go out there and let the performances do the talking.

So, I wanted to write about my frustrating season full of performances I see as inadequate because 1. it’s a great way to help myself see the big picture, 2. I want my young followers to see they are not alone in any struggles they may be experiencing in sports, and 3. because sometimes, forgetting the bad isn’t such a good idea - then we wouldn’t know when to appreciate the good. Right? Right.

FAST FORWARD…

Well, a few days ago, I wrote what you just read above. Now, on June 30th at 9:42p.m. central time, I begin by saying this: five days ago, I won my first USA Outdoor title. Quite the turn-around, I would say.

This is the beauty of sport.

This is a true testament to persistence and self-belief being the key to success. It truly is. Although I have had a few meets I wish I could completely forget about this season, all of that feels like it has been erased after this past weekend. Isn’t it amazing how a single competition can completely turn things around for an athlete mentally… emotionally? I was down on myself, but I had not, for a single second, forgotten what I was capable of. You always have to remember who you are, and not let a few “bad” performances erase things you have accomplished in the past. Society is very quick to forget. We (athletes) already have enough pressure on ourselves to perform well at each and every competition we go to. Here is some advice: don’t add to it. We already have to deal with pressure from everyone else. Why put more on yourself for no reason at all? Nobody but you can turn things around. 

On Sunday I walked out with my head held high. I was predicted to take second, and I was out to jump right over those predictions. You can’t achieve your goals each and every time, but you do have to set out to achieve them EACH AND EVERY TIME. I let the predictions be my motivator.

I stepped out on the runway and said in my mind, “ok then, watch this.”

I also decided to have fun with it. I have always been an exuberant person. My emotions radiate from me like rays of sunlight. Lately, this season, I have been less bubbly after each jump, because I hadn’t been hitting the heights I wanted. I realized that not being happy with each make was holding me back. If I start each competition with a smile, and make every single height with a smile, the happy emotions uplift me. I am much more likely to jump high if I cheer and have fun with every bar. So that’s exactly what I did.

I made almost every single bar on my first attempt. I jumped 4.80m on my first shot, and a few moments later I knew I had it won. I wanted to cry tears of happiness. I proved to myself that I could endure a crappy first half to the season, then turn around and win a national title.

It’s funny. I think athletes often think we have something to prove to the world, yet we really only have to prove it to ourselves. I may have been out there thinking “watch this!”… but the “watch this” wasn’t for the crowd, it was probably for myself. “Watch this Sandi - you can do this. You can overcome everything you have been through this season.”

I really don’t know what else to say. I am just happy.

I may elaborate on some of these thoughts later, but for now…

NETFLIX.

:)

Thank you so much for reading my babble.

xo

Seventeen years of “the grind”. Four years of anticipation. A lifetime of talent. Everything came down to one single day. A day where I was to either become an Olympian… or I wasn’t. July 10th, 2016, at the age of 24 (and two days to be exact) I solidified my spot on the U.S. Olympic team. I am heading to Rio.

I started my track and field career at the age of seven - seventeen years ago. This is when “the grind” began.

(Above: age 7... ribbons from 100m and 200m dash)

(Above: first race ever. Note the giant Umbro shorts LOL)

(Where are my eyebrows, you ask? Who knows! I still wonder...)

(Above: my first-ever attempt at pole vaulting. Not pretty :)...)

Thirteen years later, I should have been good enough to qualify and jump at the Olympic Trials, but I was barely bumped out. I say should have… but I know that even if I had made it to the Trials I wouldn’t have placed top three, and wouldn’t have made the Olympic Team. I simply wasn’t good enough. So it obviously worked out for the best that I didn’t qualify for trials… it only lit my fire even more.

That was in the year 2012. Four years ago. Man, a lot can happen in four years. It was summertime, and I had just decided to transfer away from UNC Chapel Hill, where I had spent my freshman and sophomore years of college. Do I regret those two years? Not one bit. They were two wonderful years full of friendship and fun, but also of failures. Without those two rough years on the track (and in the classroom), I wouldn’t have been seeking my fresh start. I never would have ended up at the University of Arkansas. I say those two years were full of “failures” but in reality that was only by my standards. Freshman year I jumped 14’1”, which at the time was one of the highest jumps by any freshman in history. (Now that story is changing. The sport of pole vault is growing, morphing, and more kids are getting involved at younger ages. Thus, kids are jumping a lot higher a lot younger…) I qualified for NCAA indoor nationals as a freshman. That is a feat in of itself. But by sophomore year, things stopped improving, and I was riding through the year off of my pure talent. My technique was not improving. My vault was staying the same. I was consistent in jumping about 13’6”, but not much higher. I did not break the 14’ barrier during my sophomore year. So my jumping wasn’t improving, and neither was my mental game. In fact, due to my many no-heights (where you fail to clear your opening bar with three attempts) my mental game plummeted. I was getting nervous more often. When I would step on the runway at big competitions, my hands would be shaking like leaves because I was so unsure about whether I would make the bar or not. This was a feeling I had never experienced before until that year. Usually during that year, once I finally successfully made my opening bar, I could calm down and compete... but there were many times where I didn’t make it past that first bar. TOO many times. I didn’t know what to do. I had always been the most competitive, confident person my entire life. Especially when on the runway. Without confidence, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

All of these things guided me to transfer away and start over clean.

The moment I started training at Arkansas, my confidence steadily began returning. The workouts were extremely difficult, but I liked it. The mentality was a lot more intense than what I was used to, and at first my new coach filled me with fear, but each month I grew to know his intense nature as a strict form of love. He knew I could do the drill. He knew I could lift the weight. He knew I could correct the technique. This is why he would yell. This is why he would get angry when I failed. This is why…. he knew I could do it, and he wanted me to prove that he was right. Coach loves to be right.

(Above: All Arkansas vaulters bowing down to “Lord Compton” (Coach) on his birthday.)

Coach: “Sandi, you can jump about 15 feet your way…”

I stared back, waiting for the second half of the sentence…

“or…you can someday break the world record my way.”

A world record sounded really nice. No, I haven’t done that yet, but it is something I am continually working toward. I’m still sitting here absorbing the status “Olympian….” I keep checking the camera roll in my phone to make sure the pictures of it happening are real - just making sure it wasn’t all a dream.

I’m gonna’ soak in this one for a while longer...

After being at Arkansas for my junior and senior years, I was really ready to blossom. I had red-shirted outdoor season my junior year and indoor season my senior year, thus I would have an entire fifth year to compete. A solid indoor and outdoor season were sitting there waiting for me to attack. And attack I did.

My 2015 season was my breakout season. Myself and Demi Payne (who also began college at a different university than where she ended up, SFA/ Stephen F. Austin) exchanged the indoor and outdoor collegiate records a handful of times. I came out on top indoor season and won the NCAA Indoor Title, but she still holds the indoor record. Outdoor season rolled around, and I broke the record, then she broke the record. I broke it again at SEC Outdoor Championships, and that record still stands. NCAA Outdoor Champs rolled around, and she ended up beating me that time. I truly believe that everything worked out for the absolute best. She has the indoor record, I have the outdoor record. She has the outdoor title, I have the indoor title. That ended up being the most balanced rivalry that ever could have taken place. We were neck-and-neck that season, and brought much needed attention to the sport of women’s vault in America. There is even a book being written about our rivalry. I don’t want to ruin the book, so I will leave the details to be told inside those pages and not here. Needless to say, a lot happened in my 2015 season, and it really set me up to be a competitive monster this year, 2016.

I have learned how to compete. Rain or shine, I will jump. Wind in my face? I will take off. I may end up with a broken wrist, but I will take off. What am I talking about? Oh, about seven weeks before the trials I fractured my wrist when I broke a pole overseas.

When my pole broke, I hit the mat, and immediately grabbed my shoulder. It was the worst pain I have ever felt… a piece of the pole flew through the air and smashed into my arm so hard that it deeply bruised it. When watching the video in slow motion, there is a frame where you can see the skin of my shoulder almost completely wrapped around the pole because it was so deeply embedded in my muscle.

Yeah, it felt like somebody lit my shoulder on fire. I remember hitting the mat, feeling absolutely nothing for a split second, and then WHOOSH, the worst pain I have ever felt in my life rushed to one very concentrated spot.

And it’s funny…well, not “ha ha” funny… but interesting…because my shoulder ended up being fine. Yes, it hurt SO badly, but it turned out that my wrist was the thing most injured. The shoulder would hurt for a couple weeks, but nothing was torn… only deeply bruised and swollen. I thought my wrist had a minor sprain, but the X-ray would soon reveal a different story.

(Above: Unbeknownst to me at the time, my wrist was fractured in this pic, not just sprained...)

Doc: “So… remember our first appointment when you asked ‘a fracture would hurt more, wouldn’t it?’ Well, apparently not, because the X-ray confirmed that you have a hairline fracture on the end of your ulnar styloid….”

I stared back…

Me: “My what?”

He proceeded to tell me I couldn’t vault for 4-6 weeks. Most likely closer to 6. I was 7 weeks away from the Olympic Trials.

“So…what can I do?” I asked. I knew it wasn’t a serious injury - definitely not career-ending - but with only being 7 weeks from the trials, needless to say I was nervous.

Doc: “Well, anything not involving your left wrist.”

*Stares back some more*

Me: “Um. So. Yeah, okay. I can train. But everything in the vault involves my hands and arms…”

Doc: “You and your coach are about to have to get very creative. I know this is scary, but this is a very small hairline fracture. If you are sure to rest it, then it is almost guaranteed to be totally healed and feel almost 100% by the time your competition rolls around.”

They fitted me for a splint, and after talking with some physical therapists, I went to the car and just… kind of… sat there. I knew it wasn’t a terrible break in my wrist. If it had happened at the end of a season, I would laugh about it and probably go have a margarita on a beach somewhere knowing that by the time the next season comes around in three months it would be completely ready to go. But no. This happened 7 weeks from the biggest meet of my life. Making an Olympic team is something I had dreamt about since childhood. Yeah, I was already a 2-time World Championships competitor. I had just come off an insane indoor season, winning my first U.S. title and taking home a silver medal from World Championships.  I had just become the third highest female vaulter in history. And boom. Suddenly I was dealt a bad hand - a broken wrist - and couldn’t vault at all almost until trials.

Well, all my worrying didn’t help, and I knew it wasn’t helping, so I hit training hard. After I shed a few tears and got over the “woe-is-me” I got back to work. Ok. Four weeks without carrying a pole, then re-evaluate and take it from there. Let’s do this. My coach and I worked through it, and found ways for me to do things that I never thought I could, such as one-arm swing up drills (we call them “Bubkas” in the vault world, a tribute to former world record holder Sergei Bubka.)

Four weeks soon passed, and I was in amazing shape. I had an x-ray and the doc told me I needed at least another week to heal before hitting a takeoff, but that the bone was strong enough for me to carry a pole. Week 5 was spent doing most of the things I had been doing for the first four weeks, but we had two practices where I carried a pole for the first time.

Man, did it feel weird. My wrist did hurt, but not badly…it more just felt very weak. It did not want to bend back enough to carry the pole. The flexibility was gone. So week 5 was all about strengthening those muscles in my grip and gently working on the flexibility.

Week 6 I got another X-ray, and low and behold the doc said it was ready to start “testing the waters”. The bone was solid enough to where some impact would not damage it. It’s like pouring fresh concrete. There are stages where the concrete will be solid, and you can walk over it, but if you were to drive a truck over it, it would be permanently damaged. The bone was somewhere between “you can walk on it” and “you can drive over it”.

(Above: metaphorically me trying to “gently” hit a takeoff for the first time...)

After this news, we decided to try planting a very soft, very small pole from 3 lefts (6 steps away from takeoff. To put this into perspective, my full approach is currently 14 steps.)

Things went well. The wrist bugged me about as much as a shin splint.

Trials rolled around, and I felt pretty normal in prelims, but when finals came a couple days later, the wrist was sore from prelims. I knew it wouldn’t matter as long as I fought through it and brought steam down the runway like usual. The plant may sound like it would hurt the wrist most, but it was actually the motion of bending my wrist in a funny way when I swing up the pole…

Things were shaky at first, but I pulled it together and ended up jumping 4.75m/15’7.75 as my final clearance. I took home a silver medal at the Trials, and solidified my spot on Team USA. I can’t even express how happy and relieved I was to pull it off even after the wrist.

Now, it was time to get down to business and work on jumping back up around my PR.... I would have about 3 more weeks to train and prepare for the Rio Olympics. I proved to myself that regardless of some wrist discomfort, I could do this thing. I was going to go out and give it my all, and with confidence.

______________________________________________________

(Fast forward….I never finished this blog, and now the Olympics are over! Continue reading to find out what happened…)

It’s August 30th, 2016 - After the fact

Well, here I am sitting in Zurich, finishing this blog post. As I type these words, I can say this is the first blog I have written since becoming an Olympic Silver Medalist!

How does it feel? Well, it is surreal. To achieve something that I have dreamt of since childhood is hard to express. It’s hard to believe the Games are over… there was so much anticipation, and it feels like they were over in the blink of an eye. I’m just so happy that my experience was a positive one, and not only did I leave with a silver medal, but I left with unforgettable memories.

The competition itself was a learning experience. I had jumped against all of those competitors before, but this was different. This was the Olympics. This is the one meet that people all over the world know of. It carries with it an entirely different level of prestige because the eyes of the earth are watching.

It took me a bit to get into a “groove”…I was making bars consistently on first attempts until 4.70m where I “blew through” my pole. It was moving too quickly to connect with it and catch the ride. Sorry, I know you probably only understand this if you are a vaulter. But basically, the bend of the pole unwound too quickly for me to swing properly and shoot straight into the air. Instead, my body went forward and not up. I made some adjustments and made that bar on my second attempt easily.

I fought my way up heights. When I cleared 4.85m/15’11 that bumped me from 5th place to 2nd. I knew I was going home with a medal that day.

(As you can see above, I was/am STOKED to solidify myself in history as a medalist...)

It was time to loosen up and bring everything I had down that runway to try to take home gold.

My first two attempts at 4.90m were not so good, but on my third attempt, I was confident and was strong down the runway. Right before my attempt, we stopped for the national anthem of a gold medalist standing on the podium. I don’t remember what nation or what athlete it was because I was so focused on what was ahead. I was about to take my last gold medal attempt. (Hopefully I will get some more attempts in 2020...) The moment that anthem ended, I took a deep breath, picked up my pole, and went to my mark on the runway. I brought everything I had,  I flew up into the air, and came within the brush of a thigh of making that 4.90m bar. I thought I was clean over, until I was falling on the other side and watched it wiggle slightly and fall off. I knew I was a silver medalist.

(Hip height over the “would be” gold medal bar...)

(The face you make when you are a brush of the thigh away from an Olympic gold medal...)

For a fraction of a second, I was about to be disappointed. I rolled out of my fall and smacked the mat in frustration because I hardly brushed the bar with my leg, but it was enough to make it fall. Instead of being angry, I thought to myself “you idiot…” because a few weeks prior, I was struggling to even make the Olympic team coming off a broken wrist. I was not about to let myself be upset. (All of these thoughts flashed through my brain in probably a 3-second time frame…) By the time I stood up off the pit,

I was happy.

I was smiling.

I was an Olympic silver medalist.

I turned and blew a kiss to the crowd, thanking them for cheering me on in my endeavor to become a gold medalist. I hugged the champion, Katarina Stefanidi of Greece, and prepared myself for the rush of questions from media (and fans) back home about my last attempt at the gold medal bar. I knew people would want to know if I was devastated. Honestly, it’s quite the contrary. I feel like the most blessed and lucky girl in the whole word. I believe everything happens for a reason. I know that missing the gold medal will fill me with drive - it already has. I truly believe I am more likely to win Gold in Tokyo because of the tiny taste of Gold I experienced in Rio.

Tomorrow, I jump in the “train station vault” here in the Zurich Diamond League Meeting. I have this competition as well as one in Brussels next week. I don’t know what is about to happen, but I am driven. I am burning inside to jump high. I am going to bring everything I have down that runway, and I hope I end this season with a new PR. All you can do is bring your best every single day, and whatever medals and awards you come home with are just a small portion of the reward of being a professional athlete. 

05/10/2016

Smiling.

When you read that word, what images flashed through your brain?

Maybe you pictured children laughing, people shaking hands, or an old woman content while rocking in her white chair, gazing upon children as they play across the street.

The word “smiling” brings about lovely, peaceful images that remind us the world has joy within.

Joy is a contagious thing, but every so often nobody begins that chain, and we sometimes have days lacking joy. A day without joy is like spring with no rain. If you don’t have rain, then you cannot have lush grass, blossoming flowers, and new leaves as green as key lime pie.

Today, I was the start to that chain. I was a droplet of rain.

Growing up, I always noticed how easily celebrities could make others happy. On TV, I would see people run into them in public, and someone would begin to shoot a video of this famous person interacting with “regular” people. These “regulars” would be grinning from ear to ear - so ecstatic that this person simply acknowledged them - so happy about just being in this person’s presence.

I always wondered what it would be like to have that kind of magic about myself. What if I could make people happy simply by saying hello? Or by smiling at them? Or shaking their hand? I just love to make people smile...what if it were that easy...?

Today, this raindrop who you’re listening to watered a young girl…(still following my analogy?) This specific young girl looks up to me because she is a pole vaulter striving to compete in college someday. I just so happen to be a professional pole vaulter who she has been following for quite a while… 

and a couple days ago, I mailed her my old jersey. 

Today, she received it. Take a moment and soak up these beautiful images.

THIS is what being on this earth is all about. THIS is why I love being a professional athlete. Young kids look up to me, and I have the power to bring just a little bit of joy into their lives. 

I feel like when one opportunity arises to make someone smile, others quickly follow. 

05/11/2016

Last night, I received a text from a friend/fellow Razorback Alumni (who was also a vaulter) asking if I could speak to her second grade class. Of course I said YES! 

The topic of the day was confidence, and my job was to tell them about how it’s so important to be confident if you’re a pole vaulter, but more importantly, in life.

Jennifer (their teacher/my friend) stood up after they finished their lunches and she told them who I am. “She is sponsored by this little company...you may have heard of it... (she let them wait and build anticipation)...called Nike.” 

The children gasped and started whispering to each other. Meanwhile, I am standing in the far corner, grinning from ear to ear at how cute their reaction was. 

“Sandi is currently the world-leader in the pole vault. Do you know what that means? Right now, she is number one...not in just the United States...but in the WORLD.”

Watching their tiny faces as they tried to grasp how big the earth is was also adorable. Their little sponge-like brains were spinning, thinking of what this means.

After listening to this very flattering introduction and seeing some YouTube videos of who I am and what I do, they were all very eager to listen to what I had to say. 

And they had plenty of questions... (most of the kids forgot their question the moment I held the mic to their face lol...)

I told them all about CONFIDENCE, and how it is the key to being successful not just as an athlete but in life. You have to tell yourself you can DO IT, and not just say it but BELIEVE it. How we often think the people around us don’t believe we can do it, but often that is not true. Our friends and family DO believe in us, its OURSELVES who don’t believe in us. If we can believe in ourselves, we can accomplish big dreams. 

I described how every professional was once a beginner, and I asked them “do you think I was good at pole vault when I first started?!” Like a choir of mice, they responded “NOOOO...” I smiled. “That’s right. But I decided to try something new and maybe a little scary, and I kept working at it. If you keep working at something, you never know what you might get really really good at. I want you to be open to trying many new activities in your lives.”

After being asked if pole vault was scary, if it hurts to land on the pit, and how many years I have vaulted (after which I felt very old because the kids’ faces turned to awe at my answer...) we all gathered for these awesome pictures...

I gave the teachers a heart attack when I told all the kids to “pile in!” and I said “OK MAKE A SILLY FACE!!” 

Result:

My favorite face when zooming in...

“Ok, now everyone smile!!” 

Everyone successfully smiled...and the kid behind me successfully gave me bunny ears...

Yes, the kid on my lap could be my child.

So... the magical question I get all the time... what do elite athletes eat?

I'll start by saying we are human, just like you, and our diet varies from athlete to athlete just as it does from one person to the next.

Some of us like a morning cup of Joe, others don’t. Some have a very stringent diet, others are a bit more lax. Some athletes don't even follow a diet at all and eat worse than disregarding non-athletes do!

Surprisingly enough, I have known phenomenal athletes who had diets consisting of mostly fast food, and they were great at what they did... but I always wondered how much better they would have performed had they eaten a bit more healthy.

Now that I have clarified how diverse our eating habits can be, I'm also going to point out that this means I cannot speak for everyone; only myself.

I don’t follow a strict diet, but I do focus on foods that are high in protein and I pay close attention to what I eat. Things that I love include Greek yogurt, all natural peanut butter, and eggs. I focus on protein... and protein is great, but balancing your diet with the right amount of carbs,  good fats, and vitamins and minerals is just as important to performance as protein intake. Your body cannot process protein without those other things.

I am not a certified nutritionist. My knowledge comes purely from 1.working with nutritionists, 2.being in a community of athletes where everyone pays attention to health, and 3.my own research on the web.

Back to the topic…

Does this mean I never have dessert? No, I do! But not every day, and not huge portions. Everything in moderation! (Another touch on desserts…I don’t like to eat any form of “fake sugars”…if I am going to eat a treat, I eat the “real” thing… just small portions.) It is ok to have a treat! Live your dang life! Who wants to go through life without ever having a slice of apple pie? I’m telling you…if you are an athlete, and you are doing workouts anywhere from 2 to 4 or more hours a day, a slice of apple pie won't do a thing. Now, a slice of apple pie every single day, without eating healthy, solid meals, is bad. That is where people go wrong. They eat sugary treats too frequently without providing their bodies proper nutrition from real meals.

Eat veggies as often as you can! Every. SINGLE. Day. Eat leafy greens and colorful vegetables such as red/green/yellow bell peppers…variety is key to health. When I am browsing the vegetable isle at the store, I look around for things I know I haven't eaten in a while. I focus on super foods such as beets, asparagus, avocado, spinach, bananas, sweet potatoes, brussels sprouts, and more.

Meals I cook are typically pretty straight forward. Many nights I make simple brown rice with a little salt and pepper (I like to use pink Himalayan salt) with a meat and a steamed or sautéed vegetable. I try to eat red meat 2 times a week for dinner, fish at least once (not a huge seafood fan but I like salmon), and white meats like chicken and turkey the other nights. (Yes, you can make turkey even when it isn’t Thanksgiving!) Google a recipe for turkey cutlets. They are delicious.

For breakfast I always eat a lot of protein. I will make scrambled eggs with spinach and a smoothie containing fruits that I buy either pre-frozen or fresh (and I freeze them before using in the smoothie…) I will put plain greek yogurt in the smoothie (with some Kefir, it is a european drink/yogurt. I really love it. It is more of a liquid than regular yogurt and allows the blender to do its job.) I will have a piece of toast with peanut butter or a natural berry spread along with those things. That is my typical breakfast.

Many people don’t have the time for a breakfast like that. My suggestion is to throw some whole-wheat bread in the toaster while you are getting ready, and as you are running out the door, put some peanut butter between the slices and grab a banana and a bottle of water. Right there you have a serving of fruit (bananas are super healthy!) some good carbs, and a bit of protein. Boom. A decent breakfast.

Another thing I like to do is hard boil a dozen eggs at the beginning of each week, pre-peel two the night before a busy morning (and put them in a plastic bag in the fridge), and I can grab them with a bit of salt and pepper. They are very easy to eat as I am going to my destination along with a banana. I happen to like hard boiled eggs, and I understand a lot of people don’t. Sometimes, you just have to eat something you don’t really like.

Don’t forget my morning cup of joe! One cup a day, only before 11:00. No more coffee after that (usually…)

I try my best to eat very “clean”…what does this mean? Well, I avoid sauces. I know, it sounds very boring, but I like to spice things up with fresh herbs like cilantro or parsley, a bit of salt and pepper, and lemon or lime juice.

One of my favorite dinners to make is baked salmon with brown rice or quinoa and asparagus. This meal is so simple! I never use frozen salmon, only fresh. Throw the oven on 325, season the fish with some salt, pepper, and lemon juice, wrap it in tinfoil and stick in the oven for 35 minutes. I like my salmon completely done, so I may leave it in a bit longer. I make some brown rice and asparagus on the stove to go with it. All of these things can be Googled for specifics on how to make them. If I am still hungry after eating this meal, which sometimes I am, I will drink a big glass of water and eat a banana or a hard boiled egg. (Or something else high in protein…)

I don’t eat to lose weight, I eat to maintain. As an athlete, I eat clean and healthy but I do eat a lot! If I am hungry, my body is telling me something! I don’t ignore hunger. But don’t mistake hunger for thirst. If I have just eaten a meal, and my tummy grumbles, drinking water is sometimes all I need to feel normal. If my body still says I am hungry, I will wait a bit and grab a healthy snack, like I said above. Banana, toast with peanut butter, an egg, cup of fruit, greek yogurt, etc.  (If I have already eaten eggs that day, I will only eat the whites! The yolk is packed with vitamins but is also very high in cholesterol… you really don’t need more than two egg yolks each day, but the whites have lots of protein without the cholesterol.)

The difficult part comes when I travel. I am not a picky eater, but restaurants like to load up on salty/buttery sauces to make their customers like the food. What do I do? I ask for sauces on the side so I can prevent my food from swimming in heart disease. I try to go to places that have basic things to offer. Deli restaurants are great for lunch. Grab a turkey sandwich and you are good to go. For dinner, I try to find a steak house when I am done competing. Replenishing your body with iron is great! Red meats like steak are high in iron. That is something you lose a lot of when you are stressed and exercising. For a girl my size, (5’8, 137 depending on what I had for breakfast…lol) a 6-ounce sirloin with a baked sweet potato and an ice cold glass of water will be awesome. Add a side salad and you have the perfect meal. (Ok, ok….you can eat a bread roll or two as well…especially if you hit a PR in your competition that day!)                

Here are some finishing thoughts for you:

You don’t have to weigh your food, follow a diet plan step by step, or shop at expensive grocery stores if you are trying to be a healthy-eating athlete. All you have to do is at each meal pay attention to what nutritional value you're about to put in your body.  Try to balance your meats, carbs, and veggies. Get all of your food groups in the right portions. If you are out to dinner with friends, and they are ordering pizza, that’s fine! Enjoy a couple slices of pizza! That will be your carb, so now you need your veggie and meat (there might already be meat and some veggies on the pizza…perfect!) But in addition, have a salad (avoid ice berg lettuce because it has zero nutritional value…go for a caesar salad because those have romaine lettuce, which does give your body something.) Just do your best at every meal to get all of your food groups, pay attention to variety, drink plenty of water, and supplement between your meals with snacks that are high in protein. Also, have one of those snacks (banana with peanut butter is my fav) before you compete. 20 minutes is the ideal time. If that is too much food, eat half the banana. It will supplement your energy to get you through the game/race/event.

I hope this blog has been enlightening and has helped you in some way. Thanks for reading!

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter & Instagram @SandiCheeksPV, add me on Snap Chat @SandiCheeks15, and give my Facebook fan page Sandi Morris Pole Vault a big thumbs up!!

XOXO